Page 17 | to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

OldPossumsPracticalCats · 2026-03-11T21:26:04+00:00

My friend asked to borrow my baby’s play gym when my first wasn’t using it anymore. I said that was fine, but I would want it back for a second child. I am now expecting my second soon, so I asked for it back. When it was returned, it looked like it had been really badly treated. The mat is stained, some pieces are missing, the sensory cards are bent or gone, and the guide booklet has gone as well. It was immaculate when I handed it over; all the parts were there, the fabrics weren’t stained. It was used every day for about seven months by my first, and intermittently until about ten months when my friend asked for it, and I had a refluxy baby who played hard with it, and it’s suitable from newborn so it’s not as if it has lots of tiny parts that are easy to lose. It sounds petty but I cried when I saw it and wish I hadn’t lent it. Obviously I can’t go back in time but would I be unreasonable to ask for a replacement for the mat for my new baby? She didn’t mention the condition when she dropped it off, just thanked me again for it so I don’t know if she’s just hoping I don’t mention it because she must know that it’s not in remotely the same condition as when I lent it.

JennyBG · 19/03/2026 11:02

OldPossumsPracticalCats · 19/03/2026 10:57

I didn’t update because I know that a lot of people will disagree with me. She said she’d keep an eye out if the missing pieces but you know what babies are like. She has returned the play guide though. I’m disappointed because I know what babies are like, but also I had the play gym and a baby - it’s not like I bought it for a doll - and didn’t lose so much of it. I’ve bought another which came up online cheap and had some bits missing too, it arrived yesterday and other than one card, I think we’re pretty much there with it. I’m undecided if to give the rest to my friend, sell it incomplete to recoup some costs or keep as spares for me. Thinking the latter at the moment.

I’m really not a wet blanket, but I’ve resolved the problem and I really value the friendship. I posted when I’d just opened and was shocked and really upset, but I’ve calmed down and sorted it now. We went through years of infertility together and have years of support and care and I really value that more than making a point about the play gym. I’ll chalk it up to an experience about lending, and I won’t lend any more baby toys out until I know I don’t want them back. I wish I could make up an answer where I was sassy and witty but that’s not what’s happened.

As long as you are happy with the outcome, then that’s all that matters really. Some friendships are more important than others 🙂

Tink3rbell30 · 19/03/2026 11:13

As long as you pointed out how disrespectful she's been.

Calliopespa · 19/03/2026 11:14

OldPossumsPracticalCats · 19/03/2026 10:57

I didn’t update because I know that a lot of people will disagree with me. She said she’d keep an eye out if the missing pieces but you know what babies are like. She has returned the play guide though. I’m disappointed because I know what babies are like, but also I had the play gym and a baby - it’s not like I bought it for a doll - and didn’t lose so much of it. I’ve bought another which came up online cheap and had some bits missing too, it arrived yesterday and other than one card, I think we’re pretty much there with it. I’m undecided if to give the rest to my friend, sell it incomplete to recoup some costs or keep as spares for me. Thinking the latter at the moment.

I’m really not a wet blanket, but I’ve resolved the problem and I really value the friendship. I posted when I’d just opened and was shocked and really upset, but I’ve calmed down and sorted it now. We went through years of infertility together and have years of support and care and I really value that more than making a point about the play gym. I’ll chalk it up to an experience about lending, and I won’t lend any more baby toys out until I know I don’t want them back. I wish I could make up an answer where I was sassy and witty but that’s not what’s happened.

I think a modicum of restraint with a view to the bigger picture relationship is a skill that is totally undervalued on MN Op.

I think you handled it really well.

Just keep it all for spares. The next baby might be like your friend's and you find yourself eating humble pie about how gently your dc play with it! Losing face tends to be the way with dc!

Delphiniumandlupins · 19/03/2026 12:03

Perhaps your friend has changed since becoming a mother and is now less "careful" about possessions. She wouldn't have asked to borrow the playgym if it had been a £20 Argos item so she should have taken more care but I'm glad you have found an acceptable solution. It's lovely your friendship is more valuable. Good luck with your new baby.

Nearly50omg · 19/03/2026 12:52

She probably lent it to her relative or another friend hence why it’s in such a state and also explains why she’s lost parts for it and is so vague!

shouldicontactthisperson · 19/03/2026 13:23

Calliopespa · 19/03/2026 11:14

I think a modicum of restraint with a view to the bigger picture relationship is a skill that is totally undervalued on MN Op.

I think you handled it really well.

Just keep it all for spares. The next baby might be like your friend's and you find yourself eating humble pie about how gently your dc play with it! Losing face tends to be the way with dc!

Show quote history

That’s a good point! My eldest was very gentle with toys and his clothes were always spotless (unlike mine 😁) and the youngest is the complete opposite.

Needspaceforlego · 19/03/2026 13:43

Keep the extras as spares and sell the whole lot when your done.
You mention up thread you'd see her out and about with bits off the play gym. That is probably how they've been lost.
This baby might be the same - love bits of it - and cart them about.

A good friend is worth more than a playgym.

AutumnLover1990 · 19/03/2026 14:07

OldPossumsPracticalCats · 19/03/2026 10:57

I didn’t update because I know that a lot of people will disagree with me. She said she’d keep an eye out if the missing pieces but you know what babies are like. She has returned the play guide though. I’m disappointed because I know what babies are like, but also I had the play gym and a baby - it’s not like I bought it for a doll - and didn’t lose so much of it. I’ve bought another which came up online cheap and had some bits missing too, it arrived yesterday and other than one card, I think we’re pretty much there with it. I’m undecided if to give the rest to my friend, sell it incomplete to recoup some costs or keep as spares for me. Thinking the latter at the moment.

I’m really not a wet blanket, but I’ve resolved the problem and I really value the friendship. I posted when I’d just opened and was shocked and really upset, but I’ve calmed down and sorted it now. We went through years of infertility together and have years of support and care and I really value that more than making a point about the play gym. I’ll chalk it up to an experience about lending, and I won’t lend any more baby toys out until I know I don’t want them back. I wish I could make up an answer where I was sassy and witty but that’s not what’s happened.

Shame she doesn't value your friendship as much 😔🙄🤦‍♂️

TheQueenOfTheNight · 19/03/2026 14:49

I’m undecided if to give the rest to my friend, sell it incomplete to recoup some costs or keep as spares for me. Thinking the latter at the moment.

If you give her the spares then you're rewarding her for not taking care of the original play mat.

This is the type of principle that will become more obvious, and more important as your child grows. Imagine your child lets someone borrow a favourite toy which is replaced in a poor state, with no acknowledgement or apology made. Your child has to replace parts to make it whole again. Would you want your child to give the friend the spares to keep? Of course not, that's not a fair and equal friendship. You'd be teaching your child to ignore their own feelings and needs and take whatever crumbs of friendship are offered.

Kettless · 19/03/2026 16:21

OP, I wish you well.
Just be wary.
Decent people don't behave as she has.
So remain friends, but we wary of her and certainly never lend her anything again.

CatchTheWind1920 · 19/03/2026 19:23

Good friends don't treat their friends' possessions like this, especially when they've been lent out in good faith... I'd not think of her the same.

diamondradicchio · 19/03/2026 22:06

OldPossumsPracticalCats · 19/03/2026 10:57

I didn’t update because I know that a lot of people will disagree with me. She said she’d keep an eye out if the missing pieces but you know what babies are like. She has returned the play guide though. I’m disappointed because I know what babies are like, but also I had the play gym and a baby - it’s not like I bought it for a doll - and didn’t lose so much of it. I’ve bought another which came up online cheap and had some bits missing too, it arrived yesterday and other than one card, I think we’re pretty much there with it. I’m undecided if to give the rest to my friend, sell it incomplete to recoup some costs or keep as spares for me. Thinking the latter at the moment.

I’m really not a wet blanket, but I’ve resolved the problem and I really value the friendship. I posted when I’d just opened and was shocked and really upset, but I’ve calmed down and sorted it now. We went through years of infertility together and have years of support and care and I really value that more than making a point about the play gym. I’ll chalk it up to an experience about lending, and I won’t lend any more baby toys out until I know I don’t want them back. I wish I could make up an answer where I was sassy and witty but that’s not what’s happened.

Glad you got your pieces and spares.But for the love of all that is holy, do not reward this friend with "the rest", whatever that might be.

If you're going to "chalk it up to experience" then at least honour the actual experience and learn from it.

Tableforjoan · 19/03/2026 22:10

Keep it all and sell it all on as with extras when you are done.

Blogswife · 19/03/2026 23:07

Contact her. List everything that’s
missing and ask for them back or to be replaced.

Explain that if it was a cheap one it wouldn’t matter so much but as it cost £xx you can’t afford a new one so need the missing parts back .

Blogswife · 19/03/2026 23:12

Blogswife · 19/03/2026 23:07

Contact her. List everything that’s
missing and ask for them back or to be replaced.

Explain that if it was a cheap one it wouldn’t matter so much but as it cost £xx you can’t afford a new one so need the missing parts back .

Whoops , need to read the thread! Glad it’s sorted now !

ShizIsWicked · 20/03/2026 11:51

OldPossumsPracticalCats · 19/03/2026 10:57

I didn’t update because I know that a lot of people will disagree with me. She said she’d keep an eye out if the missing pieces but you know what babies are like. She has returned the play guide though. I’m disappointed because I know what babies are like, but also I had the play gym and a baby - it’s not like I bought it for a doll - and didn’t lose so much of it. I’ve bought another which came up online cheap and had some bits missing too, it arrived yesterday and other than one card, I think we’re pretty much there with it. I’m undecided if to give the rest to my friend, sell it incomplete to recoup some costs or keep as spares for me. Thinking the latter at the moment.

I’m really not a wet blanket, but I’ve resolved the problem and I really value the friendship. I posted when I’d just opened and was shocked and really upset, but I’ve calmed down and sorted it now. We went through years of infertility together and have years of support and care and I really value that more than making a point about the play gym. I’ll chalk it up to an experience about lending, and I won’t lend any more baby toys out until I know I don’t want them back. I wish I could make up an answer where I was sassy and witty but that’s not what’s happened.

A good friend once told me don't lend money or anything else you can't afford to give and not be returned, it can hurt a friendship. I had asked to borrow £20 until the next day, he refused said take it as a gift but I am not lending it. I took it as a gift and then bought him a bottle of whiskey as a thank you.

satsumaqueen · 20/03/2026 12:04

I feel for you OP. I lent my friend a next to me cot (different brand) as we had one for downstairs that we no longer needed. It came back without the bloody base that the mattress sits on. No idea how it got lost as I gave it over fully assembled and it came back assembled as well. Luckily my dad was able to make me a new one, but from that moment I told myself I would only ever lend/give something that I didn’t want back.

I think in times like this you have to think what Judge Judy would say - it’s x amount of years old, used by x amount of children. Given that, how damaged is it and would it constitute as normal wear and tear?. If it’s really really destroyed I would be asking for at least a contribution for a new one, if it’s damaged but still useable/salvageable I would tell her that you are disappointed in the condition it came back in but move on.

I’m like you, I take really good care of my things. I never let my kids rip books etc. I would never give something back in an awful condition if it came to me brand new, I would replace it, but some people just don’t care. I think your friend is one of those that doesn’t care unfortunately.

satsumaqueen · 20/03/2026 12:11

OldPossumsPracticalCats · 11/03/2026 22:15

There’s a difference between wear and tear and not returning things though. I was trying to be a bit anonymous but people have guessed it was the Lovevery one so:
missing play guide
missing the red sound square
missing mirror card, two black and white cards
missing teething ring with crinkly fabric

And damage is stained fabric ( really dark and don’t know what it even could be) and some cards really creased.

It didn’t have to be immaculate but given how much use it got with my first and how often he was sick on it, chewed it and really used and abused it, I didn’t expect this. And my friend is much more tidy and organised than me so I felt somewhat safe. She also knew the value of it when she borrowed it and that’s why she asked - so it’s not like she thinks I can get a cheap replacement.

Ah just seen this OP. I thought it was the Lovevry one!! Those aren’t cheap.

Contact Lovevry directly and explain what’s happened, they have replaced a few of my lost pieces before from the play kits. They will charge but will probably be cheaper than buying a new one altogether. If not, they may offer you a discount off a new one. They are a really nice company to deal with so you have nothing to loose.