to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

[OldPossumsPracticalCats]

My friend asked to borrow my baby’s play gym when my first wasn’t using it anymore. I said that was fine, but I would want it back for a second child. I am now expecting my second soon, so I asked for it back. When it was returned, it looked like it had been really badly treated. The mat is stained, some pieces are missing, the sensory cards are bent or gone, and the guide booklet has gone as well.

It was immaculate when I handed it over; all the parts were there, the fabrics weren’t stained. It was used every day for about seven months by my first, and intermittently until about ten months when my friend asked for it, and I had a refluxy baby who played hard with it, and it’s suitable from newborn so it’s not as if it has lots of tiny parts that are easy to lose.

It sounds petty but I cried when I saw it and wish I hadn’t lent it. Obviously I can’t go back in time but would I be unreasonable to ask for a replacement for the mat for my new baby? She didn’t mention the condition when she dropped it off, just thanked me again for it so I don’t know if she’s just hoping I don’t mention it because she must know that it’s not in remotely the same condition as when I lent it.

Have you read the thread?

To summarize . . .

This was an expensive Lovevery baby gym which was purchased for the OP's first child with the help of grandparents

Friend asked to borrow it and has just returned it with a nasty stain on the mat, many of the attachments are missing, cards are bent and the play guide is also missing

Understandably OP is very upset that a much loved item which she was looking forward to using with her new baby is stained and most of the attachments are missing or bent

It’s one thing sharing things between family/siblings but it’s another with friends. Do you really want the teething ring back, that her baby has used? Just get a new one, on the replacement parts website it’s £6. I wouldn’t have bothered asking for that back.

OK, I was fully prepared to say ‘Babies wreck things, it can’t be helped’ but having now looked up this thing on Google and seen what it comes with, I now think YANBU. Of course babies dribble and grab things and throw up on them so things aren’t going to stay in perfect condition, but I can’t see how they’ve managed to lose and/or damage so many parts. It’s an expensive thing with lots of elements and if I was your friend I’d be mortified and offering to replace it - it’s not like she didn’t know you’d want it back.

The one the OP’s talking about is £140 and a really elaborate piece of kit. It’s not something you could buy in Lidl. At all. And yes, you can expect to get things back in ‘reasonable’ condition. The OP didn’t lose or damage any of it when it was her baby playing it every day, so why would her friend be so incapable of keeping all the pieces?

Only on MN could it be the OP’s fault for doing a good deed for a friend, so determined are some posters to put the boot in.

But you'd expect all the pieces back surely?

I think I would just give it back to her and say its in such poor condition, I don't want it anymore. I did tell you I wanted to use it again so that is quite disappointing and see what she says. See if she actually apologises.

Otherwise I think its a lesson learned. She sounds like a CF, and having the gall to return it in poor condition and not saying anything is too much.

It's understandable but sad that so many say "don't lend anything". I don't lend things to people I don't know well, but will lend pretty much anything to a friend. Friends don't refuse to lend something to a friend that needs it, and friends don't return borrowed things in a ruined state.

I agree with a PP, that woman may be good company, but she is not a friend.

She’s not a friend doing this…I’d ask her to take it back and pay for a new one.

Returning it to you in such a shabby state is poor form.

It was used by a baby. Babies damage things, surely that was very very obvious as you said she was very tidy and organised.

Babies don't lose most of the attachments and the parents guide book . . .

Nobody NEEDS a £140 playgym though. The friend asked because she didn't want to splurge herself... if I was borrowing something that expensive I wouldn't wreck it (bar a normal level of wear and tear) and Id certainly replace any broken parts.

On the flip side, I purposely didn't lend things out that I knew I'd want for my 2nd child due shortly. Anything I thought was as easily replaceable or that I wasn't pushed about I would happily give away. Things that were expensive but I rarely got use of, I have given away so someone else would get better use.

Nobody NEEDS a £140 playgym though. The friend asked because she didn't want to splurge herself... if I was borrowing something that expensive I wouldn't wreck it (bar a normal level of wear and tear) and Id certainly replace any broken parts. @BudgetBuster

I would be just as annoyed if she had borrowed a £20 playgym and returned it wrecked. It's about respect for other people's belongings.

As would I.
I was just pointing out that you said you'd lend something to a friend who NEEDS it.

Fair point. I should really have said that I'm also happy to lend to friends who want, rather than just need, something. That's because I know my friends will return things in the state they were lent, or replace them if not. Hence I don't believe this woman is the OP's friend. I agree that she used OP to avoid paying out in the first place. Tbh I'm shocked at how many here expect the OP to pay for a new mat. I know you're not one of them though @BudgetBuster !

In case not clear I meant the “friend” should pay for a new one for you OP.

She’s taken advantage of you.

Sounds like when she owns something she really takes care of it, as she didn’t buy it she didn’t care.

It doesn’t matter if it cost £4 or £400 it wasn’t hers to trash. It’s disrespectful to borrow something and give it back with missing parts and stains.

It's not worth ruining a friendship over so I would just leave it and put it down to experience. I've had similar experiences with appliances (returned no longer working) so don't lend things out as a result.

She wouldn’t be a friend if she did that to me!

People never ever care as much when they don’t buy something. I’m sorry op. I hope she replies soon.

What’s the price value on ruining a friendship?

Not a £140 playmat.

A £500 phone?

A 2k laptop?

A car worth £££

For me it’s not the value of the item. It’s the lack of respect from my friend that kills the friendship and the dishonesty as well.

What was her response?

Stick to your guns OP. You have standards and expectations, nothing wrong with that. Shame others don’t.

in my opinion you took that risk when you lent it. Don’t lend stuff again if you’re not done with it. I wouldn’t personally ask for a replacement.