to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

[OldPossumsPracticalCats]

My friend asked to borrow my baby’s play gym when my first wasn’t using it anymore. I said that was fine, but I would want it back for a second child. I am now expecting my second soon, so I asked for it back. When it was returned, it looked like it had been really badly treated. The mat is stained, some pieces are missing, the sensory cards are bent or gone, and the guide booklet has gone as well.

It was immaculate when I handed it over; all the parts were there, the fabrics weren’t stained. It was used every day for about seven months by my first, and intermittently until about ten months when my friend asked for it, and I had a refluxy baby who played hard with it, and it’s suitable from newborn so it’s not as if it has lots of tiny parts that are easy to lose.

It sounds petty but I cried when I saw it and wish I hadn’t lent it. Obviously I can’t go back in time but would I be unreasonable to ask for a replacement for the mat for my new baby? She didn’t mention the condition when she dropped it off, just thanked me again for it so I don’t know if she’s just hoping I don’t mention it because she must know that it’s not in remotely the same condition as when I lent it.

Is your gran from Oz?

Why would her gran be from Oz? That’s a very well known saying in most of the English leaking world so…

I think the PP was referencing the Wicked Witch of the West not Australia. My brain starts singing every time I read no good deed goes unpunished! I promise I’m not going to turn my friend into a scarecrow though

Still no reply, though she’s a slow texter. It’s not been read yet either. I’ll see what she says, I’m kind of hoping that she just ‘forgot’ a few items so she could hang onto them longer and they turn up that way. If not I’ll contact Lovevery. I’m glad I started this thread for that advice alone because I clearly had it wrong about replacement parts. And I’ll join the Facebook group and check out that playmat. Might be dangerous though, if there’s well priced used toys there though.

If I do an order I think I’ll just suck it up and chalk it to experience, the price for the replacement items is reasonable. £140 for them is too much, but buying individually makes it affordable. And I definitely won’t be lending any toys again, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m still disappointed but less upset and angry than yesterday, and I feel better with a plan. People might think I’m a pushover for not pushing it, but she’s a good friend generally so it’s what it is.

Not intentionally, but also wouldn't be squabbling with friends over sharing baby stuff or consider that to be an expensive item. Or sending messages re condition to an actual friend.

No she needs to replace them, not you. People do things like this because others allow them to get away with it.

Exactly. OP even though you've sourced cheaper replacements,I hope you invoice her. If she doesn't even offer a replacement or money towards it then I'd seriously reconsider the friendship 😞

Why people are judging you on your choice of playmat is beyond me.

I would be totally embarrassed to return that to you in that state. I would have bought a second hand one or just owned up and offered you the money.

how other people are saying something else is just madness. You are friends, you expect your friendship and your belongings to be treated with respect !

Ignore people having a go about the cost of the mat. I have no idea why people would focus on that.

Your friend is a CF and has a real brass neck to return it to you filthy and with parts missing. I cant imagine doing that regardless of how much it cost! Dont lend her anything again is the lesson, eh?

You don’t think £140 is an expensive item? What would you deem expensive for this type of item?

I dont think your message tackles the issue enough. Its too passive and leaves too much room for her to skirt around the issue. You dont think they've been left behind, you know.
I'd be saying you're very upset, you appreciate things can get damaged but this is too much and she needs to take steps to rectify it

Perhaps OP would actually like to keep her friend, rather than blowing up the entire relationship for the sake of a playmat?

I know friends are a bit of an alien concept on here sometimes.

Why have you put all this on the OP? It's the so called friend taking the pee by not looking after something the op trusted her to look after.

I’m not putting it all on the OP.

Reading comprehension on this site is getting exponentially worse.

Likewise....

I still think honesty is the best policy. She hasnt been treated very well.

Don’t you believe OP?

Op im glad your feeling better.
And no i wouldn't let it cost me a friendship but I also learned the hard way not to lend things out.

I think she has been so rude and disrespectful and it would honestly make me think less of her as a friend. I made the mistake of lending a travel cot to someone once, it came back soiled on the base and the stain never came out, so we were unable to sell it on. I wish I had just said we didn’t have one

I'm afraid she won't offer to pay for that kind of wear & tear of her own accord, because she doesn't really want to.

That's why she asked to borrow yours in the first place - she wanted to save herself a good amount of money and run through someone else's belongings, for free.

She may be pleasant and charming company OP, but that is not a friend. That's a user, a cheeky fucker who doesn't respect you.

This kind of thing is the making or breaking of good relations with other people.
You soon find out what kind of people they are when they're tested in this way.

Good luck OP, she’s lucky to have someone as understanding as you as a friend.

Come on. This isn't just about an object. Unless you're the type of person who does kind of thing frequently and expect that everyone be ok with it?

This is similar to when people get upset or angry at 'friends' who deliberately underpay or over-order at a group dinner - very little of that's to do with the money. It's about consideration for others. It's about not taking advantage of a situation to your own benefit and to the detriment of other people. This kind of situation is a window to who people really are on the inside.

OP, You haven't said how close you are but this is pretty crap of her so if/when she comes back and says oh sorry they weren't very good quality/ hardwearing and so I chucked them, please do have a go at her a bit.

I'd definitely make this point too - "It was a huge splurge for us and grandparents contributed too and we can’t afford it easily."

If she's in a better financial position/less frugal generally, she might well have assumed 'no biggy' - some people just arent' able/can't be arsed to think outside their own situation..

Ridiculous.

It's a wear and tear item.

You can't expect to get it back in reasonable condition.

In fact, you shouldn't loan items to friends, if you're not prepared to part with them.

They are cheap and inexpensive - the other day I saw one at Lidl.

Just buy a new one.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend or a decent person ... a true friend and decent person would have had a conversation about it and offered to replace it/the missing bits, etc