to ask my friend to replace the baby play gym I lent her?

[OldPossumsPracticalCats]

My friend asked to borrow my baby’s play gym when my first wasn’t using it anymore. I said that was fine, but I would want it back for a second child. I am now expecting my second soon, so I asked for it back. When it was returned, it looked like it had been really badly treated. The mat is stained, some pieces are missing, the sensory cards are bent or gone, and the guide booklet has gone as well.

It was immaculate when I handed it over; all the parts were there, the fabrics weren’t stained. It was used every day for about seven months by my first, and intermittently until about ten months when my friend asked for it, and I had a refluxy baby who played hard with it, and it’s suitable from newborn so it’s not as if it has lots of tiny parts that are easy to lose.

It sounds petty but I cried when I saw it and wish I hadn’t lent it. Obviously I can’t go back in time but would I be unreasonable to ask for a replacement for the mat for my new baby? She didn’t mention the condition when she dropped it off, just thanked me again for it so I don’t know if she’s just hoping I don’t mention it because she must know that it’s not in remotely the same condition as when I lent it.

Oh my goodness, this is exactly what happened with a 'friend' of mine. I lent her a bunch of stuff (buggy, bassinet etc.) and made it clear that I wanted it back for when I had my second baby.

I was chasing her for MONTHS, until I was 8 months pregnant, which I really hated because I wanted to set up the baby's room with the bassinet in anticipation. I had had a miscarriage before this baby (she knew this), so it was even more important to me.

She finally handed back the stuff in terrible condition, and I cried when I saw the state of it. I decided to never lend out anything ever again. She ended up being an awful friend and she's no longer in my life.

I can't stand people who take advantage of other peoples' kindness.

Baffled by all the people saying a £30 mat does the same thing. Technically, Primark shoes are functional, but if I lent someone Jimmy Choos, I wouldn’t be happy if they were returned trashed and replaced with Primark heels.

Haven't RTFT @OldPossumsPracticalCats but I 100% would expect things back in full pieces. Stains or wear or tear would be annoying but I'd let it go and just be annoyed at myself for giving it out. Although if I had borrowed something and knew I lost pieces or stained it badly I'd definitely contact my friend and say "really sorry, just noticed XYZ, I'll an order a replacement ASAP".

Interested if she messaged you back?

I’m so shocked people are blaming you! You did a kind thing and were put on the spot with her asking you, when put in that position you pretty much have to say yes especially when it’s a friend. She knew it was expensive and if she knows she can’t look after things properly she shouldn’t have asked to borrow. Did she make an attempt on the stains at least before returning? Awful she’s not even apologetic about missing items. People saying you shouldn’t have lent it are missing the point completely, you lent it to a friend who you assumed respected you and your belongings. Has she replied?

Why should OP have to buy a new one? Why shouldn't the person who ruined it pay for it?

I knew I’d get an idiotic comment like this. I bet you didn’t even read past my first sentence.

I hate people who lend things off others.

If you want it that badly, then sell your unwanted stuff on Vinted, ask Grandparents to chip in, and buy it yourself.

But no. You have something I want, and I will borrow it. I will wreck it, and hand it back to you in a tip.

It is selfish and entitled.

Op you don’t think she lent it to someone else and didn’t check it was complete and clean before she returned it to you?

Agree

I’ve read most of your posts. Since she’s normally a really good friend I suspect she doesn’t really understand Montessori style learning or appreciate how expensive the Lovevery sets are - maybe she might have been more careful if she realised how much you’d spent on it. Fingers crossed she can find some of the bits for you and you get a positive reply to your message! I think you’ve been very diplomatic. It’s not petty to be upset when it has sentimental value to you and was so expensive.

In case you do need replacement bits, you can order them by contacting Lovevery Support and offering to pay. I did this to get a new motor for the play sink (which we bought on Vinted). I’ve also bought and sold lots of individual bits from the play kits on Vinted - there’s definitely lots of other people that do this too, so hopefully some of the bits you need might crop up soon!

My guess is that the borrower in question has some resentment towards the lender and thinks she has ideas above her station.

I feel for you, you have some pretty judgemental responses. I am not sure why people suggesting you should buy the £20 one aren't suggesting that your friend should at least contribute £20 to getting some of this fixed. Your friend would know the value/worth of this particular playmat, so it isn't unreasonable to ask.

If you haven't done it already (I know you did Vanish) give it a soak in vinegar, then wash in Napisan. Not saying your friend is dirty but you need to be sure that there is no mould or germs lingering for your new baby.

I think lending anything comes with the risk that damage may occur,particularly when used by babies and children.
It a shame your friend didn't admit the damage and offer to replace it though as that would have been the decent thing to do.
I do think asking for a replacement may have consequences for your friendship though ,as people often take offence at being pulled up on something like this.
If you value the friendship is worth more than the cost of the mat, i would let it go, though i wouldn't lend her anything again!

There’s a Lovevery Facebook group where people sell items they no longer need. I love all our Lovevery toy and would never lend it until my kids are done with it.

Argh, these replies are so annoying. There is a difference between Lovevery and cheap toys from Amazon/temu full of toxins. I don’t understand how people let their babies chew on toys from Temu for example, yet I don’t comment on it, each to their own.

OP, there’s a love chat option in Lovevery website and they are very helpful. You can tell them which replacement bits you want and they’ll create a manual order.

The person I was replying to was thinking it was a £30 baby gym that Op should just replace it and forget about it.

I fear this is too indirect and gives her a massive out because she has definitely lost these parts. So to prepare for the disappointment coming, here's a draft response to her next text:

Hi lovely, I did say I wanted it back for my next one and I lent it in pristine condition. Please can you replace the missing bits (play guide etc) - you can get them here (link to Argos or whatever). Thanks so much.

I would share the invoice you’ll get from Lovevery for the missing bits and ask her to transfer the money.

OP, join the Lovevery UK Facebook group. There’s one for sale atm for £60. You might be able to negotiate too as they’ve been trying to sell for a while.

Does anyone else keep reading Lovevery as LoveHoney 😳

I dont really think this friend should feel offended if you ask her to buy you a new one. She will be very embarrassed (i would hope!) and its actually down to her if the friendship continues! If it had been me i would have had to buy you a new replacement without you even having to ask.
Everyone needs to stop saying “you shouldnt have let her borrow it”. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but in the moment lots would have lent a friend something like this. Im terrible with my things, i dont lend anyone anything.
I feel really sorry for you OP, you did something lovely and this is how you are repaid. Definitely text her. She should be replacing or at least give you a sum of money to help replace it. She should be giving you at least £60 if it cost £100

I've just had a look at the playmat on the website and it's beautiful, so lovely. Although at that price I would be scared to let a baby use it! I have a playmat that I made myself for my GCSE coursework. My babies were all laid on it carefully, photo taken and then back in the drawer! They had a cheap one from ebay that they actually used. I hope you manage to get the missing parts back.

I wouldn’t ever loan something. This is a baby using it. Lots of mess, sick, being changed on it! Why would you want it back.
Either Lend it to expect this condition or give it away

Exactly. And as my Gran used to say, "no good deed goes unpunished".

OP, I would store this info in my mind, never ever lend her anything again and I would not be so keen on this friendship.

Well, the "friend" has already stated quite clearly how much she cares about this friendship, hasn´t she? Energy match, I learned this here with Mumsnet. I wish I had learned this 25 years earlier.