Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband not coming home early

183 replies

OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 13:38

So my husband is away for work and has 2 of our 5 children with him (at his sisters house). It's about a 5 hour drive.

I had surgery on my leg 2 weeks ago and it has opened up and is oozing.

I sent a photo to my friend who is a nurse and she said it needs looking at ASAP.

we are new to this area and know no one so I have no one to watch the other 3 kids.

i called husband yesterday at 5 to ask him to come back so I could go get it checked and sent him a photo. He agreed it looked bad and said he would come home. I pushed for when and he said well can't be tonight because it's too late and the kids are getting ready for bed. Will leave tomorrow. I asked what time tomorrow and he said by the time I'm up and all sorted it will be at least 12. He's rubbish with time so this means at least 1. As it's such a long drive he always stops so wouldn't be back here until 6/7. He said he could take me to hospital then but he thinks they'll need to do something to it and so he'll take the kids home. I asked how i would get home and he said they won't make you leave Mat 10pm at night, obviously the hospital will as they don't necessarily have beds. He was just like oh well you'll have to figure it out.

i have a check up Friday anyway and it is much quicker and easier to see a doctor from this appointment so I said if I'm not going until Thursday anyway it may as well wait until Friday. He was happy with this as it meant he could finish his work Wednesday as originally planned.

i called him this morning at 9 and he was asleep called me back when he got up at 11. He's now called me and is catching up with a friend. I asked why he couldn't have come back and he said we agreed Friday was more sensible.

AIBU to feel like an afterthought and that he doesn't care about my health at all?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 11/03/2026 13:40

Can you get a taxi back from the hospital? How old are the kids that are with you?

Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 13:42

pinkyredrose · 11/03/2026 13:40

Can you get a taxi back from the hospital? How old are the kids that are with you?

No we live in the middle of nowhere.

I have baby, 3yo and 5yo.

OP posts:
WelshRabBite · 11/03/2026 13:49

Tell him to drive home tonight.

Put the kids in their PJs, let them sleep in the car and he can drive home at night while the roads are quiet and you can definitely get to your appointment on time.

If he leaves tomorrow there’s no guarantee what time he’ll be back, especially if he sleeps in.

Make it clear this is non-negotiable; your health comes first over him catching up with mates 🙄

Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 13:52

In case I am being overdramatic this is the pic of my leg I sent him. It's rather gross I'm sorry.

but I think a doc prob needs to check it

Sensitive content
Husband not coming home early
OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 11/03/2026 13:53

How will you get to the doctors on Friday? If the hospital is going to be difficult, then maybe that appointment is best, or ring NHS direct and ask for advice.

Having 5 kids, not knowing anyone who could have the kids and living rurally is going to be tricky! Are you able to drive? A taxi might be needed though it might be costly.

Shinyandnew1 · 11/03/2026 13:54

How old are the children he has with him-are they not at school?

Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 13:54

Shinyandnew1 · 11/03/2026 13:53

How will you get to the doctors on Friday? If the hospital is going to be difficult, then maybe that appointment is best, or ring NHS direct and ask for advice.

Having 5 kids, not knowing anyone who could have the kids and living rurally is going to be tricky! Are you able to drive? A taxi might be needed though it might be costly.

He will take me on Friday as it's an appointment during the day and then either go home and come back or wait in car with the kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 13:56

Shinyandnew1 · 11/03/2026 13:54

How old are the children he has with him-are they not at school?

8 and 10. We have literally just moved and it was quite sudden so their new school place doesn't start for a week or 2, it's complicated but we had to apply for places at very short notice and they've been as accommodating as possible

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 11/03/2026 13:58

Cant see the pic yet but would it not have been easier leaving the older ones and baby with you and taken the younger ones who are harder work physically? Work wise, if he is still in bed at 9, catching up with a friend at 11, what work is he doing?

Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 14:00

I genuinely appreciate all the suggestions and comments.

I really just want to know if I'm unreasonable to be pissed off because he's acting like nothings wrong and I'm being a drama queen. But my leg hurts and if it was him I would be concerned

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 14:01

CombatBarbie · 11/03/2026 13:58

Cant see the pic yet but would it not have been easier leaving the older ones and baby with you and taken the younger ones who are harder work physically? Work wise, if he is still in bed at 9, catching up with a friend at 11, what work is he doing?

I mean they're great kids and they are no trouble at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 14:03

CombatBarbie · 11/03/2026 13:58

Cant see the pic yet but would it not have been easier leaving the older ones and baby with you and taken the younger ones who are harder work physically? Work wise, if he is still in bed at 9, catching up with a friend at 11, what work is he doing?

I think the pic is visible now, it just had to be cleared by the site

OP posts:
Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 14:13

Ok I guess it doesn't look that bad and I'm just being dramatic. That's a relief as I was getting stressed.

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 14:14

He said he could take me to hospital then but he thinks they'll need to do something to it and so he'll take the kids home. I asked how i would get home and he said they won't make you leave at 10pm at night, obviously the hospital will as they don't necessarily have beds. He was just like oh well you'll have to figure it out.

Well yeah he's right. You've got 5 kids under the age of 10 so what else can he do apart from take the kids home and leave you there?!

Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 14:15

CombatBarbie · 11/03/2026 13:58

Cant see the pic yet but would it not have been easier leaving the older ones and baby with you and taken the younger ones who are harder work physically? Work wise, if he is still in bed at 9, catching up with a friend at 11, what work is he doing?

Work wise, if he is still in bed at 9, catching up with a friend at 11, what work is he doing?

Also this. You say he's away for work but having lie-ins and catching up with friends? So he's not working then?

Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 14:17

Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 14:14

He said he could take me to hospital then but he thinks they'll need to do something to it and so he'll take the kids home. I asked how i would get home and he said they won't make you leave at 10pm at night, obviously the hospital will as they don't necessarily have beds. He was just like oh well you'll have to figure it out.

Well yeah he's right. You've got 5 kids under the age of 10 so what else can he do apart from take the kids home and leave you there?!

I assumed he would leave in the morning so we could go during the day, I agree if he's leaving at 12 it doesn't work. Can I check, you think he's right here?

OP posts:
Figcherry · 11/03/2026 14:17

Just seen the photo.
That looks awful.
Send the photo to your gp or 111.
You've obviously been doing too much.
Tell you dh to get home ASAP.

Jellybunny56 · 11/03/2026 14:18

Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 14:14

He said he could take me to hospital then but he thinks they'll need to do something to it and so he'll take the kids home. I asked how i would get home and he said they won't make you leave at 10pm at night, obviously the hospital will as they don't necessarily have beds. He was just like oh well you'll have to figure it out.

Well yeah he's right. You've got 5 kids under the age of 10 so what else can he do apart from take the kids home and leave you there?!

This unfortunately.

Choosing to move to where you know nobody with 5 kids, rurally, is always going to have quite significant issues and this is one of them.

It’s far more realistic for one adult to get a taxi home than for an adult plus 5 children to wait around.

Original poster
OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 14:18

Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 14:15

Work wise, if he is still in bed at 9, catching up with a friend at 11, what work is he doing?

Also this. You say he's away for work but having lie-ins and catching up with friends? So he's not working then?

Show quote history

I'm not there. He has definitely done some work and said he needed to stay today to get it finished. I assumed it would take a few hours a least, but must have been quicker than that

OP posts:
BrownandBlueCarpet · 11/03/2026 14:19

OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 13:52

In case I am being overdramatic this is the pic of my leg I sent him. It's rather gross I'm sorry.

but I think a doc prob needs to check it

That needs looking at now. Don't wait for your husband to come home. Call your GP surgery and explain the situation. They might be able to send a doctor or nurse practitioner to your home. 🥰

FrostyPalms · 11/03/2026 14:21

Unfortunately this is the kind of situation you're going to find yourself in when you choose to have 5 children under the age of 10, you live in the middle of nowhere, and you don't drive.

goz · 11/03/2026 14:22

I would have just booked an appointment to have it looked at and taken the kids. It’s not ideal but your DH is hardly sound the corner, he’s hundreds of miles away.

If you were going to attend an appointment on Friday anyway and he wasn’t originally planning to be back for that how were you going to get there?

CombatBarbie · 11/03/2026 14:22

BrownandBlueCarpet · 11/03/2026 14:19

That needs looking at now. Don't wait for your husband to come home. Call your GP surgery and explain the situation. They might be able to send a doctor or nurse practitioner to your home. 🥰

Show quote history

I live rurally and know my surgery would send someone in similar circumstances so worth a shot

L0bstersLass · 11/03/2026 14:22

That is looking grim and needs looking at urgently.
Not tomorrow.

Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 14:23

OneTwinklyBird · 11/03/2026 14:17

I assumed he would leave in the morning so we could go during the day, I agree if he's leaving at 12 it doesn't work. Can I check, you think he's right here?

Show quote history

I was replying to your comment when you said you weren't happy about him leaving you in hospital and asking how were you going to get home. You have 5 children. Of course he will have to take them home and look after them whilst you're in hospital and yes, you will probably have to get yourself home. Not ideal but neither is living rurally with 5 children under the age of 10!