Husband not coming home early

[OneTwinklyBird]

So my husband is away for work and has 2 of our 5 children with him (at his sisters house). It's about a 5 hour drive.

I had surgery on my leg 2 weeks ago and it has opened up and is oozing.

I sent a photo to my friend who is a nurse and she said it needs looking at ASAP.

we are new to this area and know no one so I have no one to watch the other 3 kids.

i called husband yesterday at 5 to ask him to come back so I could go get it checked and sent him a photo. He agreed it looked bad and said he would come home. I pushed for when and he said well can't be tonight because it's too late and the kids are getting ready for bed. Will leave tomorrow. I asked what time tomorrow and he said by the time I'm up and all sorted it will be at least 12. He's rubbish with time so this means at least 1. As it's such a long drive he always stops so wouldn't be back here until 6/7. He said he could take me to hospital then but he thinks they'll need to do something to it and so he'll take the kids home. I asked how i would get home and he said they won't make you leave Mat 10pm at night, obviously the hospital will as they don't necessarily have beds. He was just like oh well you'll have to figure it out.

i have a check up Friday anyway and it is much quicker and easier to see a doctor from this appointment so I said if I'm not going until Thursday anyway it may as well wait until Friday. He was happy with this as it meant he could finish his work Wednesday as originally planned.

i called him this morning at 9 and he was asleep called me back when he got up at 11. He's now called me and is catching up with a friend. I asked why he couldn't have come back and he said we agreed Friday was more sensible.

AIBU to feel like an afterthought and that he doesn't care about my health at all?

He chose to have a large number of kids so needs to organise his life today so that he never again leaves you housebound.
Indulging himself in little meetups and midday lie ins is ridiculous when you're trapped in the house.

Get this looked at today OP. Call GP or 111 and explain situation about the children etc. Don't wait for your husband who quite frankly doesn't seem to give a shit about you.

Having long lie ins and social appointments while you're dealing with this on your own?! Nope!

There might be a district nurse who could come and look at that for you. Call your GP

Erm that looks infected and needs looking at without delay. He should be getting up at the crack of dawn, yes, with the kids in tow and coming back so that you can get medical attention. Lie ins and social catch ups??? Jeez.

I think it needs to be looked at asap.

A discussion for a later date - living in the middle of nowhere with 5 kids and a husband who works away is going to be a pita for the next 15-20 years.

Edit - I missed the bit about you not driving. That's not going to be doable in this location as the kids get older.

I mean they both chose to move rurally, with OP making the decision to never learn to drive so it’s not realistic that the DH is available 24 hours a day surely?
Even if he wasn’t 5 hours away (with two children 5) the fact that they would pack 5 kids into the car to take one person for a doctors appointment is crazy.

Check with your GP whether they could do a home visit.
Do you have any neighbours? I mean, it's awkward, but I also had to ask a neighbour the other day to collect my DC from nursery. DC1 had just started at his new school and she's one of the parents of a kid in the new class. Her DC2 attends the same nursery as mine. But we are relatively new here, too, so it's not as if we've had a lot to do with one another so far. She was really kind and collected them. It was an emergency.

Additionally, I know we've got a "family support centre" in town for such emergencies. I could, if I absolutely had to, call them and they'd arrange for someone to come out and help. Is there anything like that close to you?

If I were to be unable to sort the household tasks for a slightly longer period, my insurance would pay for a "household support worker". I'm not sure whether that's an option in the UK. Wouldn't help in the short term, but perhaps if your DH works away frequently.

This lifestyle ( is that even the right word ?) is just so perilous.
Any kind of emergency with 5 children in a rural location with one parent that doesn’t drive and another working 5 hours away could be catastrophic.
I’m sorry it’s no comfort right now but is there anyway you could move to a town in the near future ?
If you were my daughter I’d be worried sick at your situation.

Urm, it doesn't look great.

I'd def be getting that looked at ASAP.

Op needs attention NOW, so should phone husband and convey how urgent this is

The husband’s attitude sounds uncaring- it’s inexcusable He should be organising things so he can get home asap!

This whole situation is bonkers - you expect your DH to drive 5 hours home from work to come and take you to the hospital? Because you've chosen to live rurally and refuse to drive?

Get a taxi. You'll just have to take your kids with you.

Would a woman in the same situation be expected to drive 5 hours home at the drop of a hat, or would the man at home who refuses to drive be told to get a grip and ring a taxi?

You need antibiotics and ideally a wound swab - please don’t wait until you get a fever and the infection has spread to your bloodstream. You need to get to a gp or at the very least a phone consult so they can prescribe you some antibiotics. It may even need a washout as it looks like the wound is dehiscing- please don’t wait until Friday- this is urgent

It sounded like the DH was coming home, however didn’t want to drive through the night with 2 children and OP told him rather than go on Thursday she would then just wait until her appointment on Friday.
I mean it’s fair enough if she wanes to get it checked before but he’s 5 hours away and not a mind reader, she shouldn’t have said she was going to wait until Friday if she wasn’t happy with that.

Literally this! It amazes me that it always ends up being a man’s fault on here, sometimes it is deserved but not on this occasion. 5 kids, rural living, not driving, this won’t be the last time there is an issue.

He doesn’t come across as worried about the OP

You said you would wait until Friday. So that's what's he's doing. YABU.

Oh my love. Your husband is out of order. Can I ask what surgery you had done. If there is anything metal underneath that wound eg plates or screws or mesh then you really need to be seen today. If not then clean it and dress with whatever you have. Do you feel unwell or have a temperature? Is the wound red? If no to all these then you are probably ok to wait for him to come home but you need to be seen sooner rather than later in case infection takes hold.
Sending you a virtual hug and hope he will be home soon to at least support you.

Well, I don't really blame him. If OP was properly concerned she would ring a taxi and get herself to the hospital, not sit around waiting for him to drive 5+ hours home to take her!

You really can’t deduce that from the information at all.
OP told him she was going to wait until Friday, so they agreed together that he would finish his work on Wednesday as normal and return when they previously arranged.

Have you even phoned your GP or 111 OP? It doesn’t appear like you have from your comments, I can’t understand why people are expecting DH to act like it’s life and death for someone who hasn’t even attempted to get any medical care organised.

She’s got the three other children with her! Her husband said she’d have to sort it out- doesn’t come as caring to me!

Well yeah, they both need to set their lives up in a way that they can both transport them/all the kids. The situation was never going to work (five kids, one car, only one driver, rural) and is now almost an emergency.
OP needs to source medical treatment and transport somehow. Someone suggested she call the GP, which is a potentially good shout depending on how good it bad the provision is in the area.

Well, she will have to sort it out

He's five hours away with two children - and she doesn't drive and chose to move to a rural location where she doesn't know anyone. What did she think would happen if there was an emergency and her DH wasn't available?

OP isn't incapable. She can ring a taxi if she's genuinely concerned. Her DC will just have to come along with her and be bored.