Husband not coming home early

[OneTwinklyBird]

So my husband is away for work and has 2 of our 5 children with him (at his sisters house). It's about a 5 hour drive.

I had surgery on my leg 2 weeks ago and it has opened up and is oozing.

I sent a photo to my friend who is a nurse and she said it needs looking at ASAP.

we are new to this area and know no one so I have no one to watch the other 3 kids.

i called husband yesterday at 5 to ask him to come back so I could go get it checked and sent him a photo. He agreed it looked bad and said he would come home. I pushed for when and he said well can't be tonight because it's too late and the kids are getting ready for bed. Will leave tomorrow. I asked what time tomorrow and he said by the time I'm up and all sorted it will be at least 12. He's rubbish with time so this means at least 1. As it's such a long drive he always stops so wouldn't be back here until 6/7. He said he could take me to hospital then but he thinks they'll need to do something to it and so he'll take the kids home. I asked how i would get home and he said they won't make you leave Mat 10pm at night, obviously the hospital will as they don't necessarily have beds. He was just like oh well you'll have to figure it out.

i have a check up Friday anyway and it is much quicker and easier to see a doctor from this appointment so I said if I'm not going until Thursday anyway it may as well wait until Friday. He was happy with this as it meant he could finish his work Wednesday as originally planned.

i called him this morning at 9 and he was asleep called me back when he got up at 11. He's now called me and is catching up with a friend. I asked why he couldn't have come back and he said we agreed Friday was more sensible.

AIBU to feel like an afterthought and that he doesn't care about my health at all?

This is it.

Op had surgery, it’s split back open, looks infected. She’s in sole charge of three young children.

Does he not care enough about his children to want to make sure they are safe.

It’s all about his convenience.

She shouldn’t even had to tell him she needs him. Her being worried enough to send the photo concerned with how it looks should have been enough for him to be like, shit I need to come home you need to get that looked at.

Even if she said oh no don’t worry I’m sure it would be fine till Friday anyone with eyes can see it needs medical attention.

Have you made it clear to him you need him to bring you to the hospital tonight?

I would seriously lose my shit with him now.

He chose to go and 'work' away when you had surgery. He dodged coming home when you asked because it was the kids bedtime.
He then planned to travel another night at the kids bedtime so they'd sleep
Then he sat socializing all day when you NEED TO GO TO HOSPITAL.

Tomorrow after sorting your leg please rethink this relationship. He has proven he cannot and will not support you.

Bloody hell, he's unbelievable. Why is he leaving it so late to leave with two children in tow. Ridiculous and so unfair on all of you.

He should have put this job off in the first place and rescheduled for when you could manage better. I don't understand how he isn't rushing, he should have seen that photo and been on his way!

Please make sure you get that leg seen in the morning if you don't manage to before. How far is the hospital, just pay for the taxi if you have to.

In case anyone is still following he left at 10pm. I don't really know what to say. I feel so overlooked and uncared for and am a bit of a loss as to what his thought process even is.

YANBU, OP. He is doing something for a family member, not on a business trip that can't be rescheduled. He could have left the minute you called if he wanted to, and he's just carried on socializing and watching tv. I hope you are okay and get to the doctor ASAP.

Jesus Christ. What a bastard. He should have put the kids in the car and driven home as soon as he saw that photo. Stupid man.

I can see why you're worried but I think its excessive expecting DH to drive home 5 hrs to take you. Of course it is!
You either contact GP today with a photo and explain why you need a homevisit or you ring a taxi and take the kids. If there was an emergency with one of your children while he was away you would have had to do that anyway.
Get it seen today OP and hopefully sorted.

So did you go to the hospital this morning?

Sorry just seen the update. Driving home at 10pm so gets home at 3am to take you the next day. I do think YABU.
I think its more about you wanting him to show you he cares rather than you looking at it practically.
Either way I hope it gets sorted.

He’ll be sorry when he’s stuck at home with all five children on his own because you’ve been admitted into hospital with an infection!

Good luck today having your leg seen.
when you’re feeling up to it I think you should have a conversation about how low you felt in his priorities.

You had surgery and he left you home alone with two toddlers and a baby?? He should never have travelled 5 hours away in the first place.

How far away is your closest relative?

I’m sorry op but he is an arsehole.

He has well an truely shown where you are on his list of giving a fuck about and well it’s low.

Hopefully you’ve actually gone like the nurse said to get it checked once he was back.

However I have a funny feeling your dh will of been far to tired again so has said he will take you later this morning after some sleep… or maybe he will of actually cared once he saw your leg in person.

LTB. This is astonishing. He left it two days before coming back from a casual favour of a job tiling for his sister?? He prioritised seeing friends, watching tv and eating dinner over preventing you getting a serious wound infection??

My opinion has changed as the situation developed. At the start, I thought you were being a bit unreasonable and what did you expect the bloke to do? Now I've reached the conclusion that he's an arsehole and that that should be made very clear to him.

Your husband is a cunt. Sorry OP - I would consider leaving him. What if you developed sepsis?

OP - I hope you have already taken the advice you were given yesterday and asked your GP for a home visit, or taken a taxi to the surgery.

The most pressing issue here is your health, not whether your husband cares enough to come home. You already have the answer to that.

I apologise if I'm wrong, but it feels like you are using the potentially dangerous situation you are in to test and shame your husband.

You have found him wanting. That is bad enough, but risking septicemia to punish him could have serious consequences for your health and won't make him love you more.

If you haven't already done so, call for help immediately. He'll come home if and when he's ready.

Sending all good wishes, OP. Hope you're at hospital now. Swift recovery to you!

Gobsmacked at your husband- wtf was he thinking leaving you at home in an isolated rural place, (temporarily) unable to drive, recovering from surgery and looking after three young children? And then to dither the way he has... sorry to be all 'not my Nigel' but I cannot imagine my DH doing this. And nor would I do it to him. I'd just be worried about DH getting ill and wanting to get home ASAP... although tbh I wouldn't have gone in the first place, under the circumstances.

Have you had it seen yet, OP?

Sorry all.

I got a taxi to hospital when he got home at 4am. I wasn't waking kids at that time to put them all in the car that just would not have been fair on them.

i had more surgery done - wash out and debridement- and it's currently got a drain in, I'm on IV antibiotics and will have further wash out, debridement and probably a skin graft either tomorrow or Saturday.

we have only spoken via message. Apparently he is very tired, unsurprising given his night time drive but I can't muster any sympathy.

Will be interesting to see how he is over next few days and when I'm home again. I don't really know.

Oh no. Glad you are getting the care you need. If and when you get home put your feet up and rest for 7 days, make sure you heal. Let him look after the house and kids.

Then when you are better and stronger make some changes.

one post I read said it feels like I was testing him... I mean I do feel that seeing that photo he should have dropped everything to come back.

have there been occasions in the past where I've questioned how important I am and where in his priorities lie, yes.

please no grief about number of children, it's very complicated and I'm not going to explain the circumstances. They are all both mine and his before anyone asks.

Yes you have the right to be pissed off

he should have put the kids in the car and driven home. They would have slept in the car and then moved to bed

And even more so with your update with surgery and iv antib and skin graft