To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

[PopItStar]

Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

We had an alcohol free wedding as I'm allergic to it and DH just doesn't like it.
And quite honestly I've seen too many weddings spoilt by people drinking too much.

Our caterers put together a really good non alcoholic drinks package. Everybody had a really good time and not only did my brother say "I didn't know I could have such fun without drinking" several female friends quietly thanked me because their husbands were not getting tipsy like they usually did at weddings.

Nobody turned down the invite because of it, complained, left early, sloped off to the pub or snuck in alcohol.

I also think it helped that we were older (second marriage for me) and less inclined to be guilt tripped into changing our stance
So OP, stick to your guns. Your day, your choice 🙂

😂😂😂,

Anyone else think that damelza should pour herself a glass of wine??

I think this. I think people will be fine with it as long as they know in advance.

I might be me but I just like to know what to expect.

Also people might be a bit peeved if they make arrangements to come car-free and then realise there’s no point as they could have driven! If I’d booked a taxi thinking I’d be having a drink then got there and realised it would be a waste of money that would be the only thing.

I’d be completely happy with alcohol free if I knew in advance!

I think she already has, out of a silver goblet I hope

I've been to one and there were guests who dubbed one car boot a "car bar." I've been teetotal for thirty years (no issues) and was looking forward to the one I attended, but there were definitely some guests who were loaded. Will you do anything if you find a guest who is inebriated?

It wouldn’t bother us at all!

Your wedding! Do what YOU want!

I wouldn’t be put off at all by a dry wedding and if people are I think that says more about them!

you seem relaxed about everything people have asked, like that some guests may leave early etc so go for it! Don’t be put off because it’s unusual

I wouldn't miss alcohol at any 'do' but I suppose there are some folk that would, but that's not your problem, it's your wedding done your way.

Of course you should make it clear that it's alcohol free in the invite just to stave off an endless barrage of "when's the bubbly coming out" on the actual day, rather than saying "for personal reasons" I'd go with something like "By choice our wedding will be entirely alcohol free" I think the "for personal reasons" just invites too many questions, a breezy "that's our choice" is more positive.

I've been at alcohol free wedding and it was really nice.

Yes, people danced without alcohol.
Yes, it was a bit of conversation topic, but not a big deal really.
At least 3/4 guests - close family and friends were absolutely ok, small minority, a few older relatives, sneaked out for one drink because they couldn't stand the concept of alcohol-free wedding.

Just inform the guests and do it.
I'd say it is similar to vegetarian wedding, if the meals are nice and not too unusual, it is a valid personal preference.

Some people don't eat meat. I don't see why they should have to pay for others to have a free steak because they think it makes a party fun or have others bringing in food from outside.

Some people don't consume any animal products. I don't see why they should have to pay for others to have free strawberries with clotted cream and egg sandwiches because they think it makes a party fun or have others bringing in food from outside.

Some people (most, I hope) don't use cocaine, ketamine, ecstasy or other substances. I don't see why they should have to pay for others to have free lines or drop a couple because they think it makes a party fun or have others bringing in/getting their dealer to drop off halfway through proceedings.

Some people don't drink alcohol. I don't see why they should pay for others to have free drinks because they think it makes a party fun or have others bringing in alcohol from outside.

It's their wedding, they pay the bills and have the right to decide whether or not the particular thing they don't consume is present.

Should have my damn glasses on! Trinia needs the wine, Damelza, the invite is spot on! Apologies!

You aren't being unreasonable, but you should tell people in advance, so if they know they will be sober and want to drive home, they can instead of spending on a hotel. That's my only thought. And some alcohol free cocktails are truly delicious. There is a hibiscus lime one i've had before that is delightful.

No you need to work on yours.

This is the kind of wedding I'd happily go to. I'm AF purely because I like the taste (and price) of soft drinks far more than any alcoholic drinks. Cocktails included.
But I suspect you are just going to stir speculation that you or DP has an alcohol problem anyway. Perhaps say for 'personal or medical' reasons you won't be having any alcohol at the wedding.

I think we all want to go to the pub with @damelza

No one really cares about the alcohol really, it’s this concept by some posters (I don’t think the OP) that not drinking alcohol makes you morally superior in some way. It really doesn’t!

I don't need alcohol to enjoy myself but it really helps when I'm not. Most weddings can be a very mixed bag, often with an element of waiting around with nothing happening esp if you aren't part on the inner circle.
The ones where even alcohol barely got me through was the one we were standing outside the venue for over 90 min in the cold, with nowhere to go or sit down (feet were killing me after that) and the one where they ran out of food before everyone had eaten something. Alcohol was the only thing that got me through those two and I forever associate the couples with those weddings.
The ones that were phenomenal had plenty of food and entertainment (and chairs) but we also knew a lot more people and I didn't drink much because I didn't fancy it.
If you do afternoon only, have catered well and your guests all know each other it should be absolutely fine.

Perhaps say for 'personal or medical' reasons you won't be having any alcohol at the wedding.

And neither will they allow anyone else to have alcohol either even though guests have no personal or medical reasons not to drink. Compulsion doesn't work, and there may be trouble ahead with the rebel smugglers!

#iamdemelza

It's nothing to do with who is paying, the bride and groom aren't paying for peoples drinks anyway? I understood it that there will be a bar serving non-alcoholic drinks that people can purchase.

Most weddings I've been to have been a paid bar, not free drinks.

The equivalent, which other PP have pointed out is saying the groom is on a diet so they are only going to serve diet food at the wedding.. that's fine if you want to do it, it's their wedding, but you can't expect everyone to be enthusiastic at the idea.

I have am idea! Find out where this wedding is, and fill your car boot with crates of vodka and gin - you'll make a killing!

Like I said before, I don't really drink - but I do think you get a better atmosphere when some people are drinking. It will probably be a perfectly nice day with no alcohol but it is unlikely to be a party vibe.

And I do think it's hard to provide good soft drinks - most places do an extremely limited range. I detest J20 for being so sweet. Same goes for Appeltise and Schloer. And drinks from the soda dispenser are usually awful - i will always buy a glass bottle of Coke if I can rather than get it from the dispenser.

😂😂😂

Oh god..... Oyez, Oyez, over 'ere, finest gin, wine by the bucket, where's your glass? What, OK you'll have to open your mouth wide so I can pour it in. Keep your shoes out of the muck there luv and stop giggling, they'll hear you from the wedding room. See you again in ten minutes. Grab a glass though, my arm is tired lifting all those bottles up to your gob. Only £1 a shot.

I’ve never understood either! In the words of my gen z ‘ok cool’

How does one know when they are having a conversation with a non-drinker - the sanctimonious variety?

oh, you’ll know, you’ll definitely know 😂

I wouldn’t do it in the same way I wouldn’t do a vegetarian wedding for example, more because I see a wedding as a celebration for the whole family and I would want people to enjoy themselves as they saw fit, eat and drink what they like and have a good time rather than imposing my own likes and dislikes on them if that makes sense. If people don’t want to drink then they don’t have to, if people are vegetarian then there should be an option but it should be their choice. I don’t like dessert but I still had a cake and didn’t not buy one just because I wouldn’t eat it.