To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

My first husband was an alcoholic ( he's dead). He had periods of sobriety which never, ever lasted. The world is full of alcohol and full of occasions where people drink. If you cannot trust that your husband to be won't drink on the most important day of your lives so far then you cannot truly trust that he won't drink on any other day. From awful personal experience I would not recommend being legally tied to an addict , recovering or otherwise.

Exactly how'd I describe it.

OP hasn't said she can't trust her DF, they want a sober event.

I don't drink but think your being unreasonable, your partners addiction shouldn't dictate what people can and can't drink.

My friend is a recovering alcoholic as is her husband (they met at rehab), they supply alcohol at their get togethers but insist whatever is left is taken by guests.

up to you both through as it's your day

For most people, with the exception of the bride and bridegrooms closest friends and family, the main draw of attending a wedding is to get drunk. Without that, what is there?

For some… not most as this post shows.

Haven’t RTFT.

I’ve been to one alcohol free wedding in my life and it was honestly unspeakably dull. No one seemed to like each other there? Perhaps that’s the case at most weddings but alcohol hides it somewhat. Who knows. But the atmosphere was tense. I left early.

I wouldn’t turn down an invitation to an alcohol free wedding, but I would go with super low expectations. I’d maybe sneak some tequila in DP’s hip flask or something.

I’m not a big drinker, 2-3 drinks is my limit these days, but weddings need a social lubricant like alcohol, IMHO.

She said she wants an alcohol free event to avoid temptation.

They both want the wedding to be alcohol free, not just OP.

It’s not me who’s weird on this

I’ve also repeatedly said that an af wedding is fine, but do it differently to avoid a damp squib

MN truly is mad.

Post "AIBU to have a glass of wine every night after the kids have gone to bed?" and you will be told that you have a problem with alcohol.

Ask "AIBU to have a dry wedding?" and you are the worst most selfish dictator in the world, because no one could possibly be expected to spend one whole day without a glass of wine! And indeed that the only reason to go to a wedding is to get drunk!

It is

I really don't think that's true. I love a drink, drink more than I should, probably should give up... But I hate being drunk. I finally learned that lesson about 40 years ago and haven't done it since.

And/or that she wants her husband to feel comfortable at his own wedding.

He’ll have plenty of temptation through his life and we all know there’s a high chance he could relapse as many addicts do. Doesn’t mean that should be something he faces on his wedding day.

YANBU

After reading just the title I was going to say you are not being unreasonable- your wedding, your choice.

After reading the rest of the post, that yanbu is stronger.

Assuming those invited to the wedding, know the history for your husband to be, they should understand why you have both made that choice.

If they care about the both of you ( if they don't why did they accept the invite), they should be proud of the progress he has made, and be prepared to support you both in your decision.

If they can't enjoy a wedding without drinking alcohol, maybe they need to think about why.

Hope you both have a lovely day.

I don't drink ( not by choice - long term medication ) so your wedding would be my ideal wedding BUT I think you and your DP will get a lot of cross examination that may make your DP uncomfortable.

I often get quizzed about why I don't drink, side eye when I say tablets - lots of people are like a dog with a bone over the issue and think I will fold and admit alcoholism if they keep asking - it gets very wearing and I fear that the novelty will make some of your guests focus on the least important aspect of your special day - their drinks ...

Horlicks

I certainly didn’t have that on my mumsnet wedding alcohol thread bingo card. Peak mumsnet.

what about weddings in cultures where people don’t drink? Muslim weddings are joyous occasions but people attending them aren’t all pissed and somehow manage to enjoy themselves without alcohol.

What are nice soft drinks that people are drinking for 8 hours?

I’ve been to a Muslim wedding with no alcohol at the meal. It was fine.

Then everyone went back to the other non-muslim side’s house and has a big party, dancing, music, drinking. it was much more relaxed.

But then your reasons are different op. I guess it would seem weird if guests don’t know why. But it’s fine. And it’s your wedding. They might try to BYO if why don’t understand the reason it’s dry.

I'm sure alcohol-free weddings are fine for people who never drink alcohol anyway. But for people who are used to having at least a few drinks at any social gathering, it could cause problems.

I read it as being supportive of her DHs sobriety. It’s perfectly reasonable. Just maybe a different vibe from usual.

Mocktails? Loads of nosecco…

Amazed people are so ruffled by Horlicks

Try some. Its not genuinely a drink to make you sleep, its just a surgary malted wheat drink. Marketing really has worked there I think.

No different to saying a milkshake. Not sure people would get so upset about that.

Yeah see this is what I think will happen.