To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

But not everyone at a Muslim wedding will necessarily be Muslim, or a non-drinker.

There is no way people will stay until you leave for your honeymoon. You’ll be lucky if they don’t all go home after the meal to be honest

YANBU. if they dont like it, they dont need to come.

Seriously, the UK's attitude to alcohol is so fucked up. I've read threads on here where pregnant women ask for "excuses" not to drink at weddings without anyone realising they're pregnant. People advise them not to say they're on antibiotics because it'll "look suspicious", and to order wine and pretend to sip it, or pour it out when no one's looking. Because people simply can't conceive of someone going without alcohol for an evening. It's insane.

Yes, I read those threads really confused.

Im a drinker but dont always have a drink when out, depends on whats occuring and how I feel

I wouldnt 'make an excuse' at all, I would just order what I want, a coffee or whatever.

People are mocking the suggestion, not getting ruffled or upset by it.

Your wedding, your call!
Just be aware, if you’re getting married in a hotel style venue they will not be particularly happy to miss out on the bar takings from alcohol. I’d mention it as they will likely get away with less bar staff, people just don’t drink soft drinks at the same pace.
If you mention it to guests they can arrange to drive, rather than waste money on taxis or rooms. But the downside is they might smuggle alcohol in!

Firstly, a big well done to your fiancé!

I don't think you are obliged to tell anyone in advance, it's your wedding to do your way, but I imagine some will be looking forward to letting their hair down with a few free drinks, and could sneak off to find a bar early (which would be really rude though I know you said you wouldn't mind), so pragmatically I think a pre warning as above is a good idea. Some may be happy they won't have to worry about a hangover!! :). And at least they will remember the happy day without an alcohol infused fug!
I wish you a wonderful day and every happiness for the future xx

Well they obviously are otherwise it wouldnt be mocked. It was one mention of a hot drink among others. Very strange for people to keep going on about it.

Yet not hot chocolate? Its virtually the same, except for the chocolate.

Really?! Wow.

I think it's a really good idea, especially as from I recall from my own wedding, EVERYONE is trying to buy you a drink! So if not everyone knows I'm sure it will become really tricky for him to keep turning down drinks and also awkward for him. I think as long as people are aware so are not planning taxis/lifts if they can drive themselves etc then it's fine. Have a wonderful day 💒

You say you want a relaxed day. But people will relax a lot more with alcohol, especially in the evening.

I wouldn’t mind a dry day, but over a long period going into the evening, the forced chatting with strangers who you can’t hear anyway because of the loud music, is going to be a bit of an endurance test without alcohol to boost the vibe.

An afternoon tea, or a carnival theme would be great during the day, but I would end it by 7pm.

I think it sounds great, I work at weddings and so many are ruined by people drinking too much and doing stupid things/arguing/breaking stuff etc.
I think more people are choosing not to drink now, certainly in my age/friendship groups, so it will likely only be a small number who will moan

It’s crazy isn’t it? Why is it such a big deal? One of my best friends has recently stopped drinking alcohol and it hasn’t even occurred to me to ask her why - it doesn’t matter. She orders what she wants and I order what I want. We still go to the same places and have the same great time we always have.

A memorable wedding I went to only supplied one glass each of very, very weak buck’s fizz. Meanwhile most of the bridal party were off their heads on coke.

So that was nice.

Horlicks is gruel isn't it?

And I would not stay at any wedding where people were off their heads on cocaine.

Yes, I'd definitely say this in advance.

This long winded nonsense is probably one of the stupidest posts on the whole thread, which is really saying something.

Firstly the analogy doesn't work, because literally nobody in the history of the world has ever said "You know what really makes a party fun? An egg sandwich."

Secondly there's no expectation that OP has to provide all the alcoholic drinks - it's forbidding people to buy or bring any themselves (which most people are fully prepared to do at a wedding, I've been to loads and can maybe think of one didn't have a cash bar), that's the controversial/unusual part.

I think the best thing would be for someone to invent a wedding without actual annoying drunkenness.

If you do this, I would make sure that you have very good music so that people can enjoy themselves in some other way. And you may find a lot of people leave early. If I were doing what you are doing, I'd do really nice food and keep the reception short. People wont be wanting to hang around expected to go into full party mode on no alcohol..Good food, nice cocktails, nice music, and then home. And you should warn people. I also think your husband to be needs to learn that it's his own drinking he needs to control, not other people's.

It's your and your partner 's wedding, have it however you want it to be. Sometimes people don't behave well when they've been drinking, you will probably have a nicer event without that. Don't worry what others think, it's your day , don't apologise, - if you were both vegans you would probably not provide meat, same thing. Have a great day.

God forbid he actually wants to be able to relax at his own wedding.

It's such a shame people make a big deal about what others drink - i like an occasional cocktail, but i have several friends who don't drink alcohol at all for a variety of reasons, none of which are my concern. Alcohol is not compulsory as far as i know. Those who bang on about it are as annoying as meat eaters who question vegetarians as if it's a big deal, i really find it incredibly tiresome to be so narrow minded about what other adults eat /drink or don't.

Yeah but you cant surely make a decision that 70 people cant drink because you cant trust yourself around alcohol. If it was a quick afternoon do for about 25 close relatives and you've told them all I think that's fine, but expecting 70 people not to drink is a bit unrealistic in my opinion. The whole point of recovering from alcoholism is that you have to learn to live in the real world. Ban it in your own house by all.means, yes, but ban 70 people at a venue ?

I'm really shocked tbh that anyone thinks the point of a wedding is to drink alcohol - do these people never dance, eat, chat to others? They only go to events to booze? I personally enjoy a cocktail or a glass of wine, but i can easily manage without. Bit sad to depend on alcohol to that extent I'd say.