To stick with an alcohol free wedding even if some people think it’s odd?

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Hi all. Slightly nervous posting as I read MN loads but don’t start threads much.

DP and I are getting married later this year. Nothing massive, about 70ish people, family and close friends mostly. We’re trying to keep it fairly simple and low key rather than a huge big production.

One thing we decided quite early on was that the wedding would be alcohol free. Properly alcohol free, not just limited drinks or whatever.

The reason is DP is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for about 18 months now and has done really, really well. It hasn’t always been easy but he’s worked incredibly hard and life is just better all round now. Calmer, happier, all of that.

Before anyone suggests it, yes he’s completely on board with the idea. It was actually him who first said maybe we should just not have alcohol there at all. I agreed pretty quickly.

Also for context I don’t drink either. I barely drank anyway before all this, maybe the odd glass at a wedding or Christmas but that was about it. So giving it up wasn’t a big dramatic thing for me and I genuinely don’t miss it.

We were planning nice alcohol free cocktails, good food, music, the usual wedding things just without wine and prosecco etc.

Anyway I was chatting to a friend yesterday about the plans and mentioned the alcohol free bit. She doesn’t know about DP’s history.

Her reaction was basically “you can’t have a wedding without alcohol, people will expect it”. She said people might think it’s a bit strange or leave early if there’s no bar. She also suggested we could at least do wine with the meal or something.

I sort of laughed it off at the time but it’s been niggling at me since.

Part of me thinks it’s our wedding and surely adults can cope for one afternoon and evening without a drink. And if it helps DP feel completely relaxed on the day then that matters more than someone missing a glass of prosecco.

But equally I don’t want people thinking we’re being weird or tight or something when that’s not the reason at all.

We’re not planning on explaining DP’s situation to everyone either as that feels like his business.

So AIBU to stick with the alcohol free wedding and just leave it at that? Or should we reconsider having at least something available?

No Alcohol at a wedding sounds great to me and Alcohol free Cocktails are really refreshing so yes definitely go for it

Of course you’re not being unreasonable not having alcohol at your wedding! It’s not up to anyone else but you and your fiancé what you decide to have in terms of food and drink.

I do think some people on this thread have missed the point.

some of us in support of OP and her husbands choice are drinkers.

like I said- I like a drink. I’m certainly not pure or superior in any way (wtf people??). BUT For one evening my love and support for my friend/family member and THEIR wedding is far more than my love for alcohol.

I think it’s quite disrespectful actually to turn up to an alcohol free wedding with stashed alcohol or to have it in the car park. Why is it so important to people that you can’t go without a drink for one wedding?

Anyone who can’t respect their choice doesn’t deserve to be their friend or get an invite IMO.

It is about grown adults being dictated to because of someone else's addiction.

Let guests choose what they want to drink.

It was a very justified point that the groom doesn’t have a meal deal addiction.

It’s not being done because they’re just being mean or awkward etc, it’s an illness that isn’t going to be helped by the groom being around many drunk people this own wedding.

If you’re close enough to a family member or friend to be invited to the wedding, I’d expect you to respect that.

But it’s not the job of guests at a function to support recovery

I like wine. I wouldn’t expect a recovering alcoholic to include it in their wedding though. If the question was about whether you should invite someone who had made your life a misery then the answer on here would be a resounding “no”, even if that person was well liked by other guests. Why would you include something that (presumably) has caused a lot of pain in such a special day?

They are not being dictated to, what a ridiculous thing to say!

They are invited to attend an alcohol free event. They are at perfect liberty to decline.

Would you say that the hosts of a Muslim wedding were being dictatorial? Or would you say that that was be ok because saying it isnt would smack of racism and religious hatred?

If you feel like that then I would argue that the hosts probably wouldnt want you there anyway if you think your "want" trumps the hosts "need".

I would be absolutely fine with it but most people I know would be disappointed.

Maybe let people know in advance but expect that they will sneak alcohol in or leave to find the nearest bar.

Is a wedding not about supporting two people for a long and successful marriage? Is supporting the DG not a huge part of that?

Or is it just about the piss up?

Honestly as someone said if you’re ever in the position of being invited to celebrate and support a marriage in these circumstances, stay away and take yourself to Wetherspoons instead!

YANBU

It’s your wedding and if you prefer alcohol-free your guests should respect that.

You shouldn’t have to explain why.

Because this is MN 🙄

That's practically a definition of wedding - "grown adults" are dictated whose speeches they listen to, what meal they will consume (especially at sit down meal), when they will eat a cake, that they will wear relevant clothing, where they will sit at the table, what music will be there, what time it starts.

No-one is dictating you what to drink, there will be a choice. Just that choice won't happen to contain any alcohol.

You won't bring your own cake or complain about lack of choice if you don't fancy the grooms&bridesmaids choice. Why is this different?

😂😂

Yes, weddings are boring as hell. I wouldn't go all that trouble either to be told what I can and can't drink. Not that I can't go without a drink, rather I won't if I've gone to that effort and expense for 1 day/night out and a babysitter, I will drink alcohol if I want.

All these people who cannot imagine having fun without alcohol make me realise that problem drinking is even more common in the UK than I had realised. Enjoy a drink? Fine. Refuse to contemplate a celebration without alcohol? Weird, and a possible sign of problem drinking.

YANBU, but I would consider the structure of the day. For guests, wedding days can be long and lots of sitting around - usually around 3 or 4 hours between the end of the ceremony and the breakfast during which drinking is the only entertainment. I'd bring the meal forward.

But it at a wedding that you’ve been asked not too, surely?

Would you smuggle alcohol in? And surreptitiously pour it from your handbag, like a teenager?

That's a bit obstinate, though, isn't it? It's not meeting people at a restaurant or pub for a day out where everyone is free to do as they choose. It's attending an invited event with a set plan organized and paid for by others. An attendee's expense getting there is not relevant. Not going because you can't drink is like not going because you won't like the menu, the venue or location. It's about celebrating the couple.

It’s getting hysterical now..😂

"dictated to"

If I go to someone's party I'm the guest and I'm generous enough to accept what the host is providing and I'm grateful to be invited to their special occasion.

I think I’d add a note to the invitation saying so maybe, then you’ll weed out those who can’t cope.

Horlicks? Come on! It's a wedding not a slumber party.

OP can you word up some lively friends/family to get the dancefloor going? I think that's likely to be the most noticeable difference; plenty of people won't dance until they've had a few.

Can you not just drink on other nights? Does it have to be every night?