Hens still havent paid me back?

[MyPurpleHeart]

I'm going away on a hen trip for my cousins wedding. When we booked it I paid for the brides share up front with the agreement the hens would pay me their share back. This was 6 months ago. We are a month out and despite me asking a few times, none of the hens have paid me yet. AIBU to ask for this to be paid within the next week? I have expenses for the trip which I was planning to cover with this that I cant yet. For context its around £400

Unless I receive the amount owed, I won't be sharing the tickets/booking details/whatever.

What have the replies been when you’ve asked? Does it seem like everyone is still going or are you getting the sense they might drop out?

Side note - why can’t the bride just pay for herself? Everyone else is taking time out of their lives and work, and also taking a financial hit to enjoy a bloody hen holiday instead of dinner in a local place. I think they’ve given enough of themselves to this event and if the bride wants a sparkly holiday then she can pay her own way.

If you wanted to play hardball, you could tell them unless they pay you will be unable to go on the trip as you won’t be able to afford to. You must be prepared to follow through though. Personally I would be willing to tell the bride I couldn’t come as her friends had not refunded me.

Hi hens,

looking forward to our trip. Still monies outstanding ….. please pay into this account by Friday. This is the 4th time asking so getting slightly awks- but no payments no trip.

Be very direct and explicit with what you say to them all next. Don’t apologise or dance around the issue. Not that I’m saying you are/have been.

When planning the hen there was a vote on where to go and everyone that is coming was part of the vote. It was a group decision. Everyone also agreed to share the brides cost as this was done on several of the other friends hen parties. Ive asked a couple of times now and got radio silence

I refused to let my bridesmaids pay for me, if I'm old enough to get married I can pay my own way. Of course lots of people bought me drinks etc on the night. Maybe they can't afford to cover the bride given it's already costing them hundreds to attend

Brides or their bridesmaids are a nightmare to deal with for Hens. It’s already expensive enough without being expected to pay for the bride.

I am currently involved in watching the most chaotic organisation where we were initially expected to pay £300 a night for accommodation only. Ridiculous

Because they feel obliged and basically can’t say no!

But thats not what was agreed when we planned the whole thing, and I paid it upfront and have been out of pocket for six months now

Don’t agree to pay in the first place then?

Seriously thought this was going to be about chickens not laying eggs yet!
But YANBU to ask for the money back. cheeky fuckers!

Absolutely not, several people said no as it was too expensive and couldn't get the annual leave and other plans have been made for a meal out. It was completely optional

‘Hi, as the hen is approaching can I ask that the money for brides name is paid asap so it can be sorted in time for the hen and we can all enjoy ohrselves’
bank details here
wait 24 hours rhen send the same message again.

Lesson for the future, never pay for a group trip til you have the money from the others

Because once someone suggests it (who first suggested paying for the bride?) people feel they can’t be the one to say as they’d look cheap and selfish. It should never have been suggested. The bride is an adult and wants a hen do abroad, which puts a lot of pressure on people. She should pay her own way, like an adult.

Did the bride suggest several local nights out and everyone said no to that? That’s really the only reason for others to pay her costs, if she didn’t want to go away for a holiday.

It’s a lot of money, and people should not have agreed to pay it and then fail to do so. That is out of order, and they’ve left you in a difficult situation. But I still have more sympathy for them because an adult woman for some weird reason isn’t paying for her own share of the holiday. All you can do is ask again, firmly and point out that this was agreed and you’ve asked a few times and it’s now becoming an issue so you need communication and payment by end of day.

"Hi Everyone. I paid for the hen do six months ago. We are a month out and nobody has paid me back yet despite agreeing to do so. It's not fair to leave all the costs on me, so please pay by next Monday or I'm cancelling the booking."

Is there an option to cancel the trip receive any of the funds back if they don't pay?

Did those people drop out before the others agreed to pay for the bride? Or after?

Was it - 10 people going so £40 each for the bride, now it’s dropped to 4 people going so £100 each for the bride, so they don’t want to pay because it’s more than they expected? Something like that?

No we have divided the cost between the number of confirmed and booked people. There is still 20+ people and its £20 each

This is probably the issue. They think it’s only 20 quid and they can just give it to you on the day. But they’re not appreciating how it adds up for you.

Post a list of shame of who hasn't paid yet! And keep updating regularly

Send individual messages. People feel much less obligated in a group message.

And that sadly is why I would never do thiis. Have you got all the details?

OP, it’s irrelevant whether the bride should have paid for herself or not - you’ve all agreed to pay for the bride, and now the others are not divvying up. I might try to guilt them into it, as clearly asking has not done any good - “I’ve asked nicely three times now, and unfortunately I can’t afford to be £400 out of pocket so if the matter isn’t resolved by Friday, I shall be put in the unfortunate position of having to ask the bride to pay for herself, and let her know why.”