Hens still havent paid me back?

[MyPurpleHeart]

I'm going away on a hen trip for my cousins wedding. When we booked it I paid for the brides share up front with the agreement the hens would pay me their share back. This was 6 months ago. We are a month out and despite me asking a few times, none of the hens have paid me yet. AIBU to ask for this to be paid within the next week? I have expenses for the trip which I was planning to cover with this that I cant yet. For context its around £400

Yes, not the point at all. I'm glad you've had 3 payments anyway.

Too late for you now Op but I have refused to pay for anything in advance such as concert tickets except for Dh and my kids.
Ive been stung too many times over the years with people 'forhetting' that they couldn't come to a gig and 'not remember ing' they had committed.
However losing £30 is small fry compared to you Op.
I hope you get sorted.

If you use online banking you’ll probably have a Request Money feature. It’s really easy to set up and makes paying really easy. Just generate the link and send it to them with a note that says ‘Please use this link now to send your share of the bride’s hen weekend as agreed’.

No!! Too nicey nicely.

You do realise that not everyone sees attending a hen trip as a massive favour to the bride? That many women are delighted at the opportunity for a trip with their mates and think that its more fun than a dinner they could have anytime? That some women are very fond of their soon to be married friends and actually want to treat them, and that not every woman with a group of friends like this is entitled, spolit or demanding? Some are just popular women with like minded friends. (And no, I didn't have an abroad hen, they weren't a thing in 1989 unfortunately.)
The OPs problem here is the women who agreed to pay and are slow to deliver. There's no reason here to have a pop at her cousin.

totally different note but I hope you didnt all book seperately becuase the place doesnt accept groups.....ive saved a customer last week, stranded in Benidorm becuase they all booked separately as the hotel doesnt accept groups, now theyve been kicked out as they are a group!

I think your next request is public on the chat saying I can’t pay for x for janes actual wedding until I’ve been paid back and it’s so close I’m going to have to tell her soon. Please don’t spoil the fun we had with her by leaving me out of pocket, and don’t make me name you individually but if it’s protecting your identity or telling Jane why I’m not coming /doing x then it’s a very black and white choice.

So all 20 hens have each booked and paid their own £400 cost and have agreed to chip in an extra £20 each to cover the brides £400 which you have paid upfront?

I can see why you are upset. But heck you've all got more money than sense, £400 each + spends is bonkers.

Well done, in the group chat, every time someone else pays, say ‘thanks to Sarah and Vicky-just got yours’ etc etc

If there’s a pause in payments, say-just waiting for, ‘Sally, Marie and Amber’ now, thanks

Send a list of all the names of the people going with who has paid you so far. Oh hang on, as it's none of them, make that clear. Include your bank details and any options for how to pay you for this. Be very clear about the total cost.

"I haven't received any of the payments to reimburse me for the £400 I paid for the bride. Here is a reminder of my bank details:
Acc No:
Sort Code:
Name:
£40 each please as there are 10 of us. This covers the cost for (name of bride)'s weekend, her meal and the activity and (whatever you're paying for).
If you'd rather pay through paypal, you can do that here: (link)
If you want to venmo me, you can do that here: (link)
I need it paid ASAP please as it's a big chunk of money for me and I'm getting pretty stressed out about it.
Thanks it advance lovelies, see you very soon!"

Strategy: be direct, be clear, end it with a positive note because you don't want it to sour the actual hen.

It is shitty of them. I know people are very busy and juggling lots of things so for some people this will have fallen off their radar, some might have thought they could pay you back on the weekend, some will be hoping you never chase them because they're awful human beings.

Why on earth did you let this dimmer on for 6 months?

Some of these replies are mind-boggling. The hen should pay for herself. No one really wanted to go, they just felt obligated. They were coerced into agreeing to go/pay.

Some people actually like their friends, want to go on a nice hen do with them, and are delighted to treat them.

Hope everyone else coughs up soon, OP. Do you have a nuclear option if you need to resort to threatening them with it? e.g. can you tell them that, if you don't have the money by the end of the week, you'll have to cancel the booking and try to get your money back?

When asking for the money I would clarify that although its only £20 each, it adds up to £400 that you are owed, so you really do need them to pay up.

Was going to say the same thing.

Two ‘invoices’ would be odd and I’d probably assume I’d paid all I owed too!

How many still owe you money? Do you know these people that well?

I would direct message everyone that hasn't paid, I mean come on £20 is nothing for them but cumulatively loads for you. A personal message reminding them will hopefully hurry them along

This. Exactly this.

Honestly me too! My parents kept hens in the 1970s for quite a few years but eventually got rid of them when DM worked out they were costing her more in feed than she saved on eggs.

How is that Ops problem to solve?

“Shall I go ahead and cancel this booking whilst we’re still in the timeframe to do so?”

How can you know that when you’ve no idea where they’re going or what they’re doing?

For everyone suggesting she cancels. She can’t. They booked the fucking thing individually, read the OPs posts!

Group message telling them its paid by x date or you will need to cancel the trip

Tag them all in group chat.

Another one here who actually loves hen parties and treating my friends. Every one I've been to has been a bit of a bargain because the people organising have worked hard to fit people's budgets and when you split a food shop/air bnb between lots of people it's usually a relatively cheap holiday.

But that's all irrelevant anyway because they agreed to pay so should pay. The one time I was invited on a hen do that felt too expensive for me I just said no thank you - no biggie.

Also I'm one of those who did the 'the only present we need is your presence' thing except I didn't write it like that, I just put 'no need to bring a present' and reiterated that to anyone who asked. Around 50% of our guests did give us money in a card/similar which we were really grateful for but I couldn't tell you which 50% didn't do anything. I'd suggest if people are feeling guilted into giving cash in response to a message saying they don't need to give anything, they consider just not doing that and then move on.