Page 4 | Hens still havent paid me back?

MyPurpleHeart · 2026-03-11T08:08:41+00:00

I'm going away on a hen trip for my cousins wedding. When we booked it I paid for the brides share up front with the agreement the hens would pay me their share back. This was 6 months ago. We are a month out and despite me asking a few times, none of the hens have paid me yet. AIBU to ask for this to be paid within the next week? I have expenses for the trip which I was planning to cover with this that I cant yet. For context its around £400

90sTrifle · 11/03/2026 09:22

MyPurpleHeart · 11/03/2026 08:14

When planning the hen there was a vote on where to go and everyone that is coming was part of the vote. It was a group decision. Everyone also agreed to share the brides cost as this was done on several of the other friends hen parties. Ive asked a couple of times now and got radio silence

I would mention a payment by date… otherwise it’ll have to fall back to the bride having to cover her own cost after all.

Theonebutnotonly · 11/03/2026 09:22

MyPurpleHeart · 11/03/2026 08:23

No we have divided the cost between the number of confirmed and booked people. There is still 20+ people and its £20 each

Show quote history

It seems odd if none of the 20+ have paid you. I suspect some confusion as to what they had to pay. "Hi hens, looking forward to our trip but… this is awkward but I still haven’t received everyone's contribution to X's costs, which you all agreed to. I can’t afford to pay the £400 myself so please can you all send me the £x you agreed on, asap. Thanks."

Queenofshite · 11/03/2026 09:22

”hi all, you all agreed to pay towards the bride but despite several reminders haven’t done so. I’m not going to be left 400 quid out so will advise bride on the weekend of what she owes based on who pays between now and then.”

Toomuchprivateinfo · 11/03/2026 09:23

Willowmacgregor · 11/03/2026 09:19

Perhaps the other hens are feeling silently awkward and resentful that the bride's cousin is breathing down their necks, requesting yet more cash. These days, it seems like many grandiose couples suffering from a severe bout of main character syndrome want nothing short of the clothes off the backs of their friends and families in order to celebrate them signing a legal document.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

It is also the norm for couples to request monetary wedding gifts. This is often thinly veiled by "your presence is a present enough" which is often disingenuous as if often follows a request for cash and it is implicit that this is what is expected. It is INCREDIBLY grabby and entitled to expect the hens to cover the bride as well. If the bride really cannot afford her own night out or weekend away, perhaps she should be scaling back on the wedding costs.

Edited

Whilst I agree with your sentiment about the ridiculous culture of paying for expensive hen dos, they shouldn’t have agreed to all chip in an extra £20 if they didn’t want to pay it.

Based on their agreement, the op is now significantly out of pocket - money she wouldn’t have spent if she wasn’t under the impression that she would get it back.

Portugal1987 · 11/03/2026 09:24

I’d message them individually! Much more effective

OSupergran · 11/03/2026 09:24

Name them or message them directly. Half of them are probably convinced they've paid you.

Janey90 · 11/03/2026 09:25

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

I agree with this, but its not the point here.

catipuss · 11/03/2026 09:25

Ring them up individually and ask them to send the money straight away, say you now need the money urgently, give your bank details if they haven't got them already, time to be firm. Tell them you will have to get the bride to pay if they don't cough up.

Original poster

MyPurpleHeart · 11/03/2026 09:25

Willowmacgregor · 11/03/2026 09:19

Perhaps the other hens are feeling silently awkward and resentful that the bride's cousin is breathing down their necks, requesting yet more cash. These days, it seems like many grandiose couples suffering from a severe bout of main character syndrome want nothing short of the clothes off the backs of their friends and families in order to celebrate them signing a legal document.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

It is also the norm for couples to request monetary wedding gifts. This is often thinly veiled by "your presence is a present enough" which is often disingenuous as if often follows a request for cash and it is implicit that this is what is expected. It is INCREDIBLY grabby and entitled to expect the hens to cover the bride as well. If the bride really cannot afford her own night out or weekend away, perhaps she should be scaling back on the wedding costs.

Edited

Breathing down their necks? I paid it six months ago and have asked them twice, now 3 times.

We all booked separately, in groups of 2 or 3. All they have paid so far is for themselves. I booked the bride and myself to share a room. We all paid the same rate per person as we all booked at the same time. It was agreed before hand that the brides share would be split evenly, as they have done numerous times before. My cousin has paid her share of the brides costs 2 or 3 times over on similar hen parties.

Whether you agree or disagree with the terms is beside the point. This is what was agreed and they were happy to let me shoulder the cost at the start. Now we are a matter of weeks out and I'm still out of pocket.

OP posts:

MyDeftDuck · 11/03/2026 09:26

metalbottle · 11/03/2026 08:19

Lesson for the future, never pay for a group trip til you have the money from the others

This
And consider informing them ‘no money - no trip details/tickets’ .

Sortingmyself · 11/03/2026 09:26

'Can you please send me £x by xx. I paid upfront so am out of pocket which isn't fair on me. If I don't get the money by xx, I'll have to speak with [the bride] to either ask her to pay her share of the trip or cancel the event all together. Thanks! '

Fends · 11/03/2026 09:27

Are you sure you’ve asked directly? I can’t imagine a group of 20 women who would completely ignore you putting your bank details on a group chat and asking them directly to send £20.

Are you sure you put the correct bank details on?

90sTrifle · 11/03/2026 09:27

Queenofshite · 11/03/2026 09:22

”hi all, you all agreed to pay towards the bride but despite several reminders haven’t done so. I’m not going to be left 400 quid out so will advise bride on the weekend of what she owes based on who pays between now and then.”

This sounds good!

I suspect they think it’s just £20, why the desperation, but your suggested message clearly stating it’s £400 should get the full impact of non-payment across.

Toomuchprivateinfo · 11/03/2026 09:28

MyPurpleHeart · 11/03/2026 09:25

Breathing down their necks? I paid it six months ago and have asked them twice, now 3 times.

We all booked separately, in groups of 2 or 3. All they have paid so far is for themselves. I booked the bride and myself to share a room. We all paid the same rate per person as we all booked at the same time. It was agreed before hand that the brides share would be split evenly, as they have done numerous times before. My cousin has paid her share of the brides costs 2 or 3 times over on similar hen parties.

Whether you agree or disagree with the terms is beside the point. This is what was agreed and they were happy to let me shoulder the cost at the start. Now we are a matter of weeks out and I'm still out of pocket.

Show quote history

So are you going to do what many have suggested? Send a deadline for payment and name those who haven’t paid?

Roomgigi · 11/03/2026 09:29

If no one has paid you give up and ask the bride for the money

Bournetilly · 11/03/2026 09:29

Queenofshite · 11/03/2026 09:22

”hi all, you all agreed to pay towards the bride but despite several reminders haven’t done so. I’m not going to be left 400 quid out so will advise bride on the weekend of what she owes based on who pays between now and then.”

This is good, send this!

Yiayoula · 11/03/2026 09:34

Queenofshite · 11/03/2026 09:22

”hi all, you all agreed to pay towards the bride but despite several reminders haven’t done so. I’m not going to be left 400 quid out so will advise bride on the weekend of what she owes based on who pays between now and then.”

I’d go with this one - direct and unambiguous.

It’s odd nobody has paid up, though - reckon they think whatever they’ve already paid took the “extra” £20 contribution into account .

nixon1976 · 11/03/2026 09:37

sesquipedalian · 11/03/2026 08:27

OP, it’s irrelevant whether the bride should have paid for herself or not - you’ve all agreed to pay for the bride, and now the others are not divvying up. I might try to guilt them into it, as clearly asking has not done any good - “I’ve asked nicely three times now, and unfortunately I can’t afford to be £400 out of pocket so if the matter isn’t resolved by Friday, I shall be put in the unfortunate position of having to ask the bride to pay for herself, and let her know why.”

In your situation this is correct - it is irrelevant and they need to pay.

However I seriously don't get the bit about the bride not paying - it was a thing back in my day but I insisted on paying for myself. You're asking such a lot of hens / guests to come (and pay for themselves) to your hen, and then all of the expenses involved in attending a wedding. To then expect them to pay for you to have a jolly seems insane to me!

Fends · 11/03/2026 09:38

Yiayoula · 11/03/2026 09:34

I’d go with this one - direct and unambiguous.

It’s odd nobody has paid up, though - reckon they think whatever they’ve already paid took the “extra” £20 contribution into account .

Show quote history

How could that be when they all booked individually?

Either the OP has put the incorrect bank details or she’s used some unclear flowery language when she’s asked for it!

mushypetits · 11/03/2026 09:39

YABU to pay for the bride's party. She should have paid for her own attention seeking do.

noidea69 · 11/03/2026 09:46

This issue, and some of the mad responses to the OP, are the reason why men take the piss out of women organising hen dos.

Misnofitness · 11/03/2026 09:48

Willowmacgregor · 11/03/2026 09:19

Perhaps the other hens are feeling silently awkward and resentful that the bride's cousin is breathing down their necks, requesting yet more cash. These days, it seems like many grandiose couples suffering from a severe bout of main character syndrome want nothing short of the clothes off the backs of their friends and families in order to celebrate them signing a legal document.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

It is also the norm for couples to request monetary wedding gifts. This is often thinly veiled by "your presence is a present enough" which is often disingenuous as if often follows a request for cash and it is implicit that this is what is expected. It is INCREDIBLY grabby and entitled to expect the hens to cover the bride as well. If the bride really cannot afford her own night out or weekend away, perhaps she should be scaling back on the wedding costs.

Edited

It’s £20 and was agreed before they all booked. You OBVIOUSLY don’t like it based on your shouty capitals but that is NOT the point.

the point is - the hens agreed to pay an extra £20 and now they aren’t paying. To them it’s £20 but when it adds up to £400 it takes the piss.

hen do’s are a frigging nightmare! I went on one where we agreed a kitty of around £40 for food, booze and essentials like toilet paper. Afterwards one refused to pay as she brought her own food as she was celiac. Which she never told anyone about - and she drank the booze and used the toilet paper! Completely didn’t give a crap that it meant someone was out of pocket!

Tigerbalmshark · 11/03/2026 09:49

So they have all paid for themselves but not for the bride? Yep just tell the bride she needs to pay for herself, and have done with it.

They can’t get all the kudos for treating her to a weekend away when you’ve covered it all yourself.

Original poster

MyPurpleHeart · 11/03/2026 09:50

I have sent a reminder and had 3 payments so far! I said I need it by end of week, didn't say why or what for because thats not the point.

Thankyou all, fingers crossed it'll be swiftly sorted

OP posts:

Ohnobackagain · 11/03/2026 09:50

Sortingmyself · 11/03/2026 09:26

'Can you please send me £x by xx. I paid upfront so am out of pocket which isn't fair on me. If I don't get the money by xx, I'll have to speak with [the bride] to either ask her to pay her share of the trip or cancel the event all together. Thanks! '

This, or similar, @MyPurpleHeart