Hens still havent paid me back?

[MyPurpleHeart]

I'm going away on a hen trip for my cousins wedding. When we booked it I paid for the brides share up front with the agreement the hens would pay me their share back. This was 6 months ago. We are a month out and despite me asking a few times, none of the hens have paid me yet. AIBU to ask for this to be paid within the next week? I have expenses for the trip which I was planning to cover with this that I cant yet. For context its around £400

That's irrelevant now as it was already agreed and done. The OP is £400 out of pocket and people need to cough up their share.

Put a Poll “Paid £20 for bride yes/no” In the group WhatsApp for the hen party, Pin it so it’s at the top.

Put your bank details or PayPal in a WhatsApp message and pin that t the group too

Send a reminder “hey ladies I have credit cards to pay so please cough up your share by end of day Saturday thank youuuuu”

then after saturday send a daily list of “not paid” names

I'd write in the group WhatsApp something like:

You all owe me £50 for Bride's trip. If you've decided not to pay, no worries, I'll ask Bride for it instead.
Monzo details xxx, paid in the next 24 hours please, thanks!

I completely thought this was going to be about your chickens not laying yet!

It’s bad they haven’t returned the money. I’d name and shame them in the group chat and put some sort of message in about how it will be cancelled/ others will have to pay if they don’t cough up!
Even if they felt obligated, tough! They are adults and can say no before leaving someone else out of pocket!

They agreed to cover the bride's share. If anyone objected they needed to say so 6 months ago.

You need to say that everyone who hasnt paid the £20 each needs to do so within the next 7 days or you will need to tell the bride that some people changed their minds and she will need to pay after all for whatever hasn't been covered.

I suggest wording it like that because it suggests some have paid and some haven't (and it's true - YOU have paid). It might help make people feel embarrassed that they might be the only one or two that haven't paid up and that the bride might ask who they are!

I hope you get it sorted. Never a good deed goes unpunished ...

If you want to be diplomatic:

Dear Hens,
Six months ago we made plans for "Brides" hen do. You all agreed to pay £20 to cover her costs. I agreed to pay up front and you all agreed to pay me back. Despite several requests most of you still owe me the money. I'm sure you would feel that was unfair if the tables were turned. In case you still don't have them, here are my bank details:
I'm afraid if everyone doesn't pay by Friday I will have to cancel the whole hen do and inform "Bride" why as I cannot afford to subsidise your share any longer.
Thanks, Purple

I’d send a breezy message to say “hi, I’ve got to pay off my credit card by the end of the week so need everyone’s £20 to do this - please send over before Friday…. Include details. Thanks all.”

Hi ladies, I'm still £400 out of pocket as no one has yet paid their £20 for brides portion. Please can everyone pay by the end of this week, I can't afford to carry this amount.

Same!!

Why say the thing about the credit card?

There's no need to make up an excuse/ lie, that's just weird.

OP you just say bluntly that you're £400 out of pocket and they need to pay by X date or the trip is cancelled/ bride is paying for herself.

Name those who haven't paid and post a daily update of the list of names.

Exactly. Why do people always suggest things like this? Be direct and upfront.

Does everyone realise they owe the money? Presumably they've all made the payment for their own costs. Did they assume that the amount they were originally asked for included their contribution to the Bride's costs? It seems odd to bill the two amounts separately.

If we'd agreed to cover the Bride's share and the organiser told me the amount for my share of the Hen was say, £431, I wouldn't then expect an extra bill for £20. I'd be ignoring messages about amounts oustanding, because I'd think I'd already paid as I'd have paid the full amount of my share as calculated and asked for by the organiser, so would think I had nothing left outstanding.

Tell them that! In strident terms

I would speak to the bride and see if she will cover her cost. People agreed to it, but obviously dont want to and its not on you

My mum paid my cost for my hen, not my friends

That's simply not fair. Really twatty if that's the case. What's poor OP supposed to do, just fund everyone? (not having a go at you, I agree this is likely the case, just, where does that leave the poor OP?)

so I help run the subs for a local kids football club. There is about 25 kids I have to collect subs for. Every month I send a message out that’s says

“for those who haven’t transfered money yet can you please send it by tomorrow” normally none of them have sent it but this looks like some have an might the guilt the others and then you’ll get it

or when I organised my SIL hen and had none payers. I sent a message saying

“I put the money on my credit card on the assumption it would be paid back before the interest started. Well the interest is starting next months and if you haven’t paid me back you’ll have to pay towards the interest too” I soon got the money

First of all, give them a deadline on the group chat “please could everyone pay me their £20 by Friday at the latest as I’m still £400 out of pocket”.

Next, issue daily reminders on the group chat, short and simple:
“Sarah, Lauren, Sophie and Sian I’m still waiting for your money, please could you transfer today, thanks to those who have paid.”

Repeat every single day until they’re embarrassed and get the message that you’re not going to let it go.

I would draft a message saying you are still owed £400 😭 and individually list them
Jane smith £20
Donna jones £20
etc etc

Please pay me as soon as possible because I am £400 down 😭😭😭

You are not getting their attention, because to them it’s just £20. You need some action, by really pointing it out to them.

Keep doing it until payment is received in full. Obviously delete the ones that do pay from the list.

I agree with suggestions PPs have made that you say you’ll have to ask the bride for the money instead.

Did they all book and pay for their own amounts, and agreed to pay you for the bride’s? Or have they already paid their amount to someone who did the whole group booking, and now have to pay you for the bride? If the latter, that might be causing the confusion?

Does your bank account have a function where you can send a request for a specific sum? Mine does - I use it when I’ve bought tickets for a group and just send the link to the group chat. Anyone on the chat just clicks it and pays. PayPal does a similar thing. That way no one has to mess around with account numbers and sort codes.

Perhaps the other hens are feeling silently awkward and resentful that the bride's cousin is breathing down their necks, requesting yet more cash. These days, it seems like many grandiose couples suffering from a severe bout of main character syndrome want nothing short of the clothes off the backs of their friends and families in order to celebrate them signing a legal document.

I really disagree with the notion of the MOH or bride enforcing that the hens must pay the bride's share. The women attending hen parties are often paying hundreds or even thousands for hen do related costs alongside attending the wedding and the associated costs. This is often for activities or organised fun that would certainly not be the choice of the attendees and often at least one night of annual leave.

It is also the norm for couples to request monetary wedding gifts. This is often thinly veiled by "your presence is a present enough" which is often disingenuous as if often follows a request for cash and it is implicit that this is what is expected. It is INCREDIBLY grabby and entitled to expect the hens to cover the bride as well. If the bride really cannot afford her own night out or weekend away, perhaps she should be scaling back on the wedding costs.

Trip is cancelled because I have no spending money because you all (between you) owe me £400. If you cannot now afford £20 each, then it is a shame you thought you could 6 months ago.

I agree with all of this. But these women should have simply not agreed in the first place.

I just don’t go on expensive abroad hen dos. It’s too much money, and often involves annual leave I don’t have spare. So I decline. What I don’t do is agree to pay someone back, and then not do it.

Whether the bride should pay for herself or not is irrelevant here as it was agreed that the hens would pay for the bride. You paid ahead for the bride in good faith and it is not your fault if some now wish they hadn't agreed to this.
I would simply send one more text saying this is my final request as the holiday is getting near. Some have not paid you and you can't afford to take the extra on alone. If you don't have the money by (date) you will have to explain to the bride that because some haven't stuck to the agreement you will be informing the bride that she will have to pay for herself.
Just a calm final text then follow through. This isn't your fault op and there's no reason for you to carry the extra amount just because you were kind enough to get the thing paid after it was agreed as a group. Hopefully the embarrassment for them of the bride being told might make them pay up. 💐