Boyfriends rage after I asked for help. Aibu?

[Modernop]

Me and my boyfriend moved into our first house 2 weeks ago. We’ve made it as nice as we can and we’re just putting finishing touches to it.

I was WFH today, worked 8-630. I had 15 mins for lunch but put on a wash and prepared the vegetables for dinner.

Boyfriend came in at 1pm and put up a lamp then went to see his mum.

When I finished I went the shop, cooked tea, did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. There was washing to put on the drying racks and mess all in the living room from stuff we’ve not put away Boyfriend was in his “office space” (gaming) putting up some lights. He’d seen me cleaning from 7ish until 8ish and just went to his room. I said “can you not prioritise the light whilst the house is a mess?”

He stormed down, knocked over the washing basket and put it all in bags (?) then started just moving stuff. I said dinner was ready and we ate in silence.

I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing.

Carried on cleaning put throwing things and slamming doors. I said what’s wrong, why are you being like this? He said “I’m doing all the cleaning like you said to do”, then said “I’m sick of you saying i don’t clean, little miss righteous”

I started tearing up, so left the room. He said “great” and then carried on slamming around, saying “I’ll do it all like you fucking asked me”

I’m in the bathroom crying but I know that this is this evening and probably the next few days ruined too. Was I unreasonable?

I did have a “tone” I guess, I was exasperated. He does not washing, no dishes, nothing. He finished at 1 and has done what he wanted until I finished. I just wanted some help. He told me I asked him wrong, I should have just said “please can you do the XYZ”

Aibu?

Mummy's little boy having a temper Tantrum? You are not his unpaid housekeeper. It's a good job you have seen this now and not further into the relationship. Stay if you want to be a doormat. Talk bravely and explain how you feel to come home after work to this, if you love him and want to save the relationship. Third option if your the chief breadwinner ask him to leave, if its him move out yourself.

This bloke is a thin skinned twit, he can't stand the fact that compared to you he is an idiot.
You are worth so much more than this @Modernop this man is childlike, stunted and ridiculous. He will only ever try to crush you in his futile attempts to big himself up
Please don't sacrifice yourself to his fragile ego. I hope you can bring this relationship to a close with as little drama as possible, move on and live your own life. You're obviously highly motivated and capable of working hard. Leave this waster to his own fate.

Get to a solicitor this week and take advice about the best way to get out of this with as much of your property intact as possible. You can get out. We believe in you x

This is him. Please get him out.

His actions comvincing you to go ahead with the puchase and move were 100% deliberate.
He knows he is using you and this is his plan.

Take it very very seriously.
Your relationship with him has future physical abuse written all over it.
You need Women's aid and legal advice.

This is a very bad man.
Tell family.
Abuse thrives in secrecy.
He thinks you are stuck.
You are not.
Remove your part of shared savings.
Pay maximum your half of bills, no more.

Leave. This wont improve

Manipulative t*at! Don't cry though. Sit him down and explain that real men behave like real men and do their fair share as they realise that having a happy fulfilled relationship requires teamwork.

If he can’t get his head round that, leave, and quickly, because now it’s simple to sort, later it may not be!

My lovely please don't be embarrassed. We all make mistakes in life. You need to seek legal advice urgently. As you are both on the mortgage and deeds, you can't force him to move out of the house, no more than he can you. You need to keep all your finances completely separate from him. Make sure he has no access to any of your own money. As others have suggested speaks to Women's Aid. Can you move back to where your family live? Your priority is legal advice to see where you stand regarding the 70% deposit.

He's not going to help you in the house. He doesn't want too and he doesn't see it as his responsibility. As someone else has stated, he's used you. He will do as he wants/when and if you don't like it, then tough. He's treating you like crap, because he believes you're trapped, and that makes him feel powerful to have control over you.

He's a nasty, abusive man.

Just to add...when you bought the house did you purchase as Tenants in Common or Joint Tenants? You can have a solicitor draw up a Declaration of Trust, which is a legal document stating the share of deposit you both put down. This can be drawn up post-purchase. The issue you may have is getting your boyfriend to sign the document.

From experience, I’d say leave him and please don’t have children with him.

take care of yourself @Modernop

My ex used to do this. He would go out till 3/4am in the middle of the week. He'd go out 4, 5 nights a week. When I told him I was lonely and I missed him he basically said he wasnt going to cancel his plans just to sit at home with me. There were other things too but I put up with it for far too long. I didnt realise how much better off I would be out of that situation. They make you feel like you're the unreasonable one but you're not.

There's another AIBU from a woman whose coke head ex husband (who was originally her manager) used to isolate and belittle her. She told him she was lonely, so he suggested maybe having a baby.

They're now divorced and he is busily indoctrinating their child in how much of a stroppy witch she is on custody visits.

You dont need to go he does!

I was thinking about you OP and hoping you are okay. What you are experiencing could be overwhelming, any rocky times ina relationship are hard and even harder is your other half is selfish as seems to be the case here, look after yourself.