Proposed to him and he said no

[Sophie198643]

Hi I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years. From very early in the relationship I just knew that he was the one and I love him in a way that I’ve never loved anyone else before and my partner says he feels the same way about me. Last August at a family gathering his parents said to me that they hoped he would propose to me and that led me to chat to my partner about it. He is very awkward and reserved when it comes to feelings and gets very nervous so for example I said I love you first and he is quite reserved about expressing his feelings as he said he’s been hurt in relationships before and so always has his guard up. Anyways about 4 months ago I spoke to him again about marriage and told him how important it was to me and how I felt now was the right time for us. He said he needed more time and needed to be fully sure about it. So last night I proposed properly to him and he said no. I said to him that marriage is very important to me and what would he do if I said I couldn’t stay in the relationship if we didn’t get engaged and said that we’d need to split up. Now I feel so empty and mortified. I don’t think he actually loves me the way he claims he does. He also isn’t against marriage as he proposed (they spilt before they got married) to his ex but he claims to me that’s different as it took him 7 years to propose. I just feel like time means nothing though, if you know you know. Am I being unreasonable here? I feel like I don’t know what to do now as he clearly has no interest in marrying me.

OP hasn't replied once since they posted 5 days ago, I'm amazed people are still commenting!

If you carry on together it will be difficult to go past the refusal he made to marry you because if he felt the same he would have said yes, whatever his previous relationship was like.

I don’t think your boyfriend’s parents should have said anything if honest, it’s something they should have steered well clear of.

I would definitely think about calling it a day and find someone new, this man is not for you!
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Run girl, run! He is keeping you at arms length. Have seen this before - stringing you along and wasting your best years. Still won’t commit in a few years time… you’ll split and then he’ll marry the next woman who comes along like someone else also said above. He is not the one for you, certainly not right now anyway. Sounds immature tbh and the emotional fencing is a disastrous way to begin a marriage. He wants to have his cake and eat it and you are letting him girl. Eg 1. I love you more than life - but I don’t want to commit to you. 2. I am so emotionally available to you - but I keep my guard up around you. 3. I’ve told you that you’re my ‘one’ but I have said no to actually making that commitment real (through engagement). Read the signs girl, they are all there. And then head for the hills!

My youngest daughter lived with her husband for 7 yrs before they married, on their wedding day she was 6 months months pregnant with her second child.

However, after 4 yrs she did go backpacking for 6 months to make her mind up, they got back together, they are very happy with 4 children.

So for the OP take a break go backpacking.

Sorry your heart broken but its better that it has happened now. Its time to move on and find someone who loves you. Hope with time you can see how he's not the one for you. And you have avoided a loveless marriage and future divorce or even a one sided relationship or romance even. Sometimes its hard to see that especially when your madly in love. All the best sweetheart ❤

You only live once never compromise. Although its not included in the text I wonder if you secretly are the type who pines for unavailable men. Reflect on what made you so sure he is the one for you because he definitely doesn't feel the same way for you

Don't waste any more time with him.

All this for a piece of paper. Why are women so obsessed with marriage?

Because of the legal and financial implications? It's not just 'a piece of paper'.

Lol don’t pretend the vast majority of women want to get married for the legal and financial implications

This. I can't believe that some people really believe marriage is just a piece of paper. I cringe when I see/hear someone say this. How can anyone possibly think this?! It's an extremely important and vital document. I'm embarrassed for anyone who thinks or says marriage is just a piece of paper. LOL, get a clue! Probably think 'common law wife' is actually real too. hint: it's not.

If you don’t know after two years if you could see yourself marrying that person then you’re wasting that person’s time in my opinion.

Year’s ago I had a bf with the same attitude as yours. I finally left after six bloody years!!

And it’s always people who don’t want to get married who say it (what’s the issue then if it’s ‘just a piece of paper?’). They know perfectly well it isn’t just a piece of paper. It makes as much sense as saying your mortgage is just a piece of paper so I won’t bother paying it.

Why do the vast majority of women want to get married then in your opinion?

I know several examples of men in long-term relationships who "didn't want to get married at all". One broke up with his partner, met someone else, (yes, he really did meet the new gf AFTER he'd broken up with his partner) and married his new girlfriend within six months. What these men mean when they tell you they don't want to get married, is that they don't want to marry YOU. Sorry for being so blunt, but it might help.

Love, insecurity (as in they believe he’ll be less likely to cheat or leave her if they’re married), as a marker of ‘success’, because it’s “just what people do”, just to have a fancy wedding

It makes me cringe when I hear people say, “he’d never cheat, we’re married now” or hearing people promise to love someone through sickness and health then one of them gets sick a couple of years later and they divorce them because they can’t hack it. Marriage is a joke these days. It’s not worth the ‘piece of paper’ it’s written on. The fact you can get divorced in less than a day on the internet says it all

I think that is exactly why lots of people get married.

I have read so many posts on here from women who have lived with a man, had children with a man, moved into a house with his name on and then given up work to look after the children whilst he carries on working and paying into his pension who end up gutted when he leaves her with absolutely nothing.

Marriage is so much more than a piece of paper.

Here comes the judge. There is no need for that statement

I didn't say 'the vast majority' wanted to get married for any reason. I was merely responding to someone who said marriage was just a bit of paper.

You’ve had a lucky escape!

he mighta said no cuz he wants to be the onee to propose. But i dont think you should force anyone to propose. Definitely ask if he does want to marry u so ur not wasting ur time. It took my husband almost 9 years to propose. I stuck around because i knew he wanted to marry me but was scared because his last marriage ended very ugly. I think 2 years is still early to pressure someone into that.

It sounds like you're more into him than he is in to you. I wouldnt put so much pressure on a partner to get married next time. It's something parties should discuss which you've done but you having to raise it with hom on several occasions strongly suggests it's not something he wants to do. I would look at ending the relationship to work on myself in your position. You've come across as slightly desperate.

You’ve been with him 2 years and you want a ring and a proposal. He needs to run for the hills it’s still early and that’s it. Oh Jesus Christ sometimes I think women have it hard and then women like this pop and I think these poor men and what they are dealing with. I could understand if you were over 5 years in but 2? Slow down. It’s so shocking.

For the legal protections it brings.