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Original poster

Proposed to him and he said no

719 replies

Sophie198643 · 09/03/2026 11:44

Hi I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years. From very early in the relationship I just knew that he was the one and I love him in a way that I’ve never loved anyone else before and my partner says he feels the same way about me. Last August at a family gathering his parents said to me that they hoped he would propose to me and that led me to chat to my partner about it. He is very awkward and reserved when it comes to feelings and gets very nervous so for example I said I love you first and he is quite reserved about expressing his feelings as he said he’s been hurt in relationships before and so always has his guard up. Anyways about 4 months ago I spoke to him again about marriage and told him how important it was to me and how I felt now was the right time for us. He said he needed more time and needed to be fully sure about it. So last night I proposed properly to him and he said no. I said to him that marriage is very important to me and what would he do if I said I couldn’t stay in the relationship if we didn’t get engaged and said that we’d need to split up. Now I feel so empty and mortified. I don’t think he actually loves me the way he claims he does. He also isn’t against marriage as he proposed (they spilt before they got married) to his ex but he claims to me that’s different as it took him 7 years to propose. I just feel like time means nothing though, if you know you know. Am I being unreasonable here? I feel like I don’t know what to do now as he clearly has no interest in marrying me.

OP posts:
amber763 · 09/03/2026 12:00

I get that some people move quickly in relationships but less than 2 years would be too soon for me for sure. Whats the rush? I feel like you sound young. He already told you he needed more time but you didnt want to give him that.

Rhaidimiddim · 09/03/2026 12:01

Charel2girl5 · 09/03/2026 11:49

Run OP for the hills! I have seen men string woman along a couple of times for years and then split up and marry the next woman who comes along. Don’t be a doormat. Apologies if I sound harsh but it’s time to look after you. 💐

Agree.

Except this one is stringing " the next woman who comes along" as well.

amber763 · 09/03/2026 12:02

GingerBeverage · 09/03/2026 11:57

You're not his One.

I dont agree with this. You may well be his "one" but he doesn't want to rush into marriage.

IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · 09/03/2026 12:04

A former friend of mine proposed to her then boyfriend after just three months. He said no, it's far too soon. She asked again just two months later. He again said no, it was too soon and they hadn't even tried living together. He agreed to move in but didn't sell his flat or rent it out. Within two weeks she was proposing again and said if he said no this time she would end the relationship as "the fact that you haven't put your flat on the market says you're not serious". Red flag and he left.

She had already had a failed marriage that lasted two months!

I don't think two years is necessarily too soon but having already sounded him out just a couple of months earlier you can't really have expected a different answer so soon after? It would red flag me, personally.

LayaM · 09/03/2026 12:04

No one is being unreasonable here, you have different wants. Whether he would come round in time or not is irrelevant if you are ready for the next step and he won't consider it.

IMO you did the right thing in forcing the issue since it's important to you. You know where you stand and much as it hurts now, you can move forward.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/03/2026 12:05

I wouldn't agree to marry someone after less than two years together either, no matter how much I loved them. You sound very intense to me.

Mosman2020 · 09/03/2026 12:05

Even if he comes back tomorrow and asks you, you mustn’t marry this man

janietreemore · 09/03/2026 12:06

If you don't want to stay together unmarried, you're going to have to leave him. He's taking that risk... Maybe after you've left he will realise that he can't be without you, and have a proper conversation about why he's so reluctant to marry.
Your ages are very relevant here, also whether you want children. If you are in your early twenties, I'd agree with him that it's early and it makes sense to live together a few more years before committing. If you are in your thirties, not so much.

DameOfThrones · 09/03/2026 12:06

about 4 months ago I spoke to him again about marriage and told him how important it was to me and how I felt now was the right time for us. He said he needed more time and needed to be fully sure about it. So last night I proposed properly to him and he said no.

And you're surprised? 😳

IsoldeWagner · 09/03/2026 12:07

Two years is plenty of time. You've got your answer, so it's your decision if you stay in the relationship or not.

GlasgowGal2014 · 09/03/2026 12:07

How old are you OP? Unless you are mid-late 30s, want kids but also want to be married first, I would say that you need to cool things off and give your boyfriend a bit more time. If you are in your twenties and you are convinced that this is the man for you, then two years is quite a short time and you can afford to wait.

CrotchetyQuaver · 09/03/2026 12:07

Cut your losses and move on, if it took him 7 years to ask the ex to marry him (did they ever get married?) and he's said no to you after 2 years... I'm afraid he's wasting your time, it's better you find out now although it might not feel like that right now.

InterestedDad37 · 09/03/2026 12:07

Move on 👍

FlapperFlamingo · 09/03/2026 12:08

Good for you for proposing and I get that it's painful but at least you know. He can't string you along any more now because you know it's not going to happen so you can move on and stop wasting your time on him if marriage is important to you. Good luck OP.

IsoldeWagner · 09/03/2026 12:08

You gave him 4 months after the original discussion, so I think your proposal was hardly a surprise. Where do you go from here, how much time does he need?

OneBreezyHelper · 09/03/2026 12:09

He said he needed more time and needed to be fully sure about it.

He already said no.. The "needing more time" is always an excuse. He was comfortable, knew you wouldn't go anywhere, that you are sincere, so no need to do anything.

There's no such thing as needing more time.

Now you have a honest answer. He's not wrong, he has a right to feel what he feels and not want to be more invested in the relationship, but if it's not enough for you, then he's not the right man for you.

It's very sad, but it's up to you - stay with him until he finds someone better or just in a no-mans-land because he's not interested in any commitment (nothing wrong with that), or move on.

Thereissnowinmywellies · 09/03/2026 12:10

You know where you stand now and cam make your decision wherther to stay or go.
On the other hand I wouldn't take to kindly to someone putting me on the spot and saying engagement or I walk, I would wave them off personally.

Goodadvice1980 · 09/03/2026 12:10

Crikey, brutal but honest of your oh.

So, you are the place holder girlfriend. You need to understand he doesn’t see you as the one. Only you can decide if you are prepared to accept that and continue dating him.

senua · 09/03/2026 12:11

BauhausOfEliott · 09/03/2026 12:05

I wouldn't agree to marry someone after less than two years together either, no matter how much I loved them. You sound very intense to me.

Maybe not, but you at least have a conversation about it. What is it that is holding you back, when will be the right time (finishing exams, promotion, buying first house, etc)?
He just waved her away with a "needed time to think". How romantic.Hmm

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 09/03/2026 12:13

Sadly, I think when most men say they don't believe in marriage, they mean they don't want to marry you. They often find that they suddenly do believe in marriage with their next girlfriend. Personally I'd throw this one back.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/03/2026 12:13

If you user name means anything I take it you are 40? Or I may be wrong

age depending do you have time to wait for him if means that much and if you want kids

can you live with just living with him and no marriage v splitting up

not sure why you asked when he made it clear he wasn’t sure /needed time

why did he split with ex when engaged ?

Thereissnowinmywellies · 09/03/2026 12:13

It all very well waitting for The One, you could waste your life waiting and never meet that person.
How many peeps on here have said "I thought he was The One" then he cheated on them or married then walked out?

OrdinarySloth · 09/03/2026 12:13

You’re saying you’ve been together “almost” two years- why exactly does that mean? You asked him about marriage in August, at most you’d been together 16 months at that point. That’s obviously not too early to discuss long term life plans, but it’s way too early to be upset that he isn’t ready to propose.

Even if you hadn’t asked before, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to want to be with you longer than “almost” two years before he makes a lifetime commitment to you.

You’re not unreasonable to leave, but you are unreasonable to pressure him this early in a relationship when he’s told you he wants more time.

NutButterOnToast · 09/03/2026 12:14

I think the early replies are quite harsh tbh. I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

We get women here who moan that their partner won't propose and the answer is always ask him instead then - you've been really straightforward and now you're getting a bit of a kicking "oh it is too soon" "you're pressuring him"

Nonsense. 2 years in is plenty of time to know if you want to get married. Unfortunately he has either been saying what he thinks you want to hear or he's stringing you on deliberately.

And 4 months between having the conversation and proposing is fine - he knew it was coming so he could have spoken up at any point.

You'll have to throw this one back I'm afraid.

user1464187087 · 09/03/2026 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ah it came across to me that the OP would like to get married to her partner. I don't think it's intense. I could be wrong though.

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