Proposed to him and he said no

[Sophie198643]

Hi I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years. From very early in the relationship I just knew that he was the one and I love him in a way that I’ve never loved anyone else before and my partner says he feels the same way about me. Last August at a family gathering his parents said to me that they hoped he would propose to me and that led me to chat to my partner about it. He is very awkward and reserved when it comes to feelings and gets very nervous so for example I said I love you first and he is quite reserved about expressing his feelings as he said he’s been hurt in relationships before and so always has his guard up. Anyways about 4 months ago I spoke to him again about marriage and told him how important it was to me and how I felt now was the right time for us. He said he needed more time and needed to be fully sure about it. So last night I proposed properly to him and he said no. I said to him that marriage is very important to me and what would he do if I said I couldn’t stay in the relationship if we didn’t get engaged and said that we’d need to split up. Now I feel so empty and mortified. I don’t think he actually loves me the way he claims he does. He also isn’t against marriage as he proposed (they spilt before they got married) to his ex but he claims to me that’s different as it took him 7 years to propose. I just feel like time means nothing though, if you know you know. Am I being unreasonable here? I feel like I don’t know what to do now as he clearly has no interest in marrying me.

I think people have to get away from seeing it as a grave personal insult if a partner just doesn't feel the love for the whole, expensive, public display, wedding nonsense! Weddings were something everybody used to do because pretty much most people had kids and there was stigmas, taboos etc around it but not so many have kids anymore and it's not such a big societal expectation anymore.

Please don't try to play psychological games! I have simply responded that marriage isn't that popular anymore! I literally haven't protested! I'm not bothered about marriage! I really aren't! You want me to bothered to make yourself feel better about something! I hate people that can't accept a comment at face value without making a cruel accusation!

As I already said, weddings do not have to be expensive. They are as cheap or as expensive as you want them to be. Nor do they have to be a big public display. Mine wasn't.

You obviously have a problem with marriage with your comment about "wedding nonsense" but many people believe in marriage.

I say again, good for you if you are not bothered about marriage but plenty are. One of my friends was like you making snide comments about weddings and marriage and how her and her OH didn't need a piece of paper. Strangely enough after 15 years when he proposed she suddenly wanted to get married.

I hope you have everything in place should you split up or something happen to your OH. Marriage gives security in a lot of cases. Just read some of the threads on here where a couple are not married, have children, and the guy walks away.

No I’m not! This is a thread about OP wanting marriage.

He’s told her he needs more time repeatedly rather than telling her he just doesn’t want to marry her.

She wants marriage, he doesn’t. He knows she does ergo he’s wasting her time.

You’ve projected an awful lot there.

“Maybe.”
That’s one poster - while there are countless threads on MN from women who have wasted many years and missed out on their fertile years because of men who string them along endlessly for years and years.

Why’s that? ‘Anyways’ is an abomination, it’s just gross

It's also an accepted linguistic preference in a number of places around the world.. It's also in the Oxford dictionary as being in use since the 1200s.

You sound a little- parochial.

Slagging off and belittling someone else for the way the speak/write (which is often just someone’s dialect) is snobby and nasty

I rest my case.

Almost all women I know in their 30s are married.

The data shows that single men largely outnumber single women.

How does that work then? Assuming there are roughly equal numbers of men and women, and the figures are adjusted to take account of any small difference, surely impossible for there to be many more single men than single women?

Unless there has been a particularly massive spike in same sex marriages between women and that isn't reflected in same sex marriages among men, then surely the rate of single women to men has to be roughly similar.

@HeadDeskHeadDesk Some men date large numbers of women at the same time. Some women are single, but not looking. The data shows that single men massively outnumber single women on dating apps. Any woman who wants to be in a relationship can be in one if she wants.

there are more women. 51% of England and wales are women. Statistically there are not less single women.

So what you mean is that more men use dating sites than women? That's a bit niche

OP, it doesn’t state your age an it’s stereo typical but if you are older than say 26 then I’d leave. For women I feel at that age we want to be with someone on the same page in the same book. If you’re younger you still have time for your partner to grow and then know what they want. Don’t wast your time with someone who is unsure after 2 years depending on your situation (living together ect) you would know if you want that forever. Imagine if fell pregnant would they even want a child with the commitment of 18 years. Marriage is progression. I started to think about this at 26 to be with someone to get housed together to get married and to have children. My husband knew from the day we met I wasn’t messing around I had a 5 year plan and needed someone to align. He did in every way thank god

Do you think women should just date any man?

Right?? As long as they’re men they should do. This poster is so delulu I wouldn’t even bother engaging. Either totally removed from reality or trolling.

No I just think a lot of men have never realised that they are allowed to actually like their partner. They have such low self esteem, they think you just go where you are beckoned and you have to stay because they want you to.

So the idea that someone would remain single despite knowing there are people out there that would have them is totally foreign to these men. They'd do ANYTHING or be with ANYONE to not be alone. They assume everyone else feels the same way.

That also applies to many women. It's certainly not a 'man thing.' If anything, I'd say it's more prevalent in women.

I know what you mean but my sister had to give her now husband and ultimatum and say if he hadn’t proposed by x date then they would split up. Even then he did it on the last possible day before the deadline!
and they’ve been married for nearly 20 years, she has suffered lots of health problems and has been pretty financially dependent for years, as well as her appearance being affected, and he absolutely adores her still. It’s one of the best marriages you could imagine.

I still can’t get my head around what his deal was (they’d been together for ages) and why he prevaricated so much, and I’d have hated a proposal following an ultimatum, but it’s definitely worked out for them!

But you might want to spend the rest of your life with someone without feeling the need to get married....hence no proposal required. It's different for everyone

Yes but lots of people do want to get married plus for many it gives far more security if something happens in the future. Just read some of the many threads on here where a couple are not married and the woman earns much less than the man or even does not work. Almost all of them do not end well.

There's a lot of posts and I'm having a sneaky look in my work break so can't read them all. How old are you both and is this important to you as you want to start a family? I can understand the rush to be in a confirmed, settled relationship if you want kids and time is running out but not if you are young and he isn't ready to commit.

@MsDitsy There's a lot of posts and I'm having a sneaky look in my work break so can't read them all

I wouldn’t worry too much, OP started this thread over four days ago and hasn’t been back. A one-post-wonder.