To let my daughter have a seat?

[NeedingAGoodNap]

I was on a tram in Melbourne recently with my 5 year old dd. We both managed to grab seats but the tram soon got busy and some people were standing.

A man, who appeared to be mid 20s, got annoyed that my daughter had a seat when adults were having to stand and was very vocal about this. He felt she should give him her seat!

I absolutely refused, we were on a low floor tram which can be very rocky and often stop very suddenly. My daughter is too short to reach any of the handles and would absolutely go flying if the tram hit the breaks. I also don’t feel like she needs to give her seat to a young adult just because she is a child.

Was I unreasonable to refuse to give him her seat?

Yeah my mum was taught to give up seats for adults and is shocked it doesn’t happen now. She thinks all adults should be respected.

I’ve debated with her about this as i am team ‘i will stand up for little kids’.

She then got annoyed as she claims to be elderly (she is 67) and no one stood up for her, but also looks super young for her age so i told her she can’t have it both ways.

I am slightly older than your Mum. I too was taught to stand for adults when I was a child and did. Fortunately, along with a lot of other things, people have realised that this is not a great idea. We care more about children now.

I am slightly older than your Mum. I too was taught to stand for adults when I was a child and did. Fortunately, along with a lot of other things, people have realised that this is not a great idea. We care more about children now.

If aid seen all the seats were taken Us have put her on my knee. Why let a situation develop for no reason?

It’s because so many adults are so full of self importance.

I've always believed that children should give up their seats when adults are standing.

I would’ve moved my child to my knee regardless of bag and space.. he absolutely would’ve offered his seat too (he’s 6)

You are not being unreasonable at all. a man in his mid 20’s is much safer to stand than a child is and the fact he was vocally annoyed about it would have made me even more inclined to NOT give up the seat.

Had it have been an elderly person, disabled, pregnant lady then I would have moved my child onto my lap.

Absolutely not and I'm not putting a big child on my lap either as I'll get a dead leg, why should someone who came later be able to sit comfortably whilst I can't feel my leg?

I'd rather stand tbh and then it goes back to why do I now have to stand whilst they get to sit on a seat when we were there first?

Mid twenties?? No way would I expect a small child to give up their seat for a young adult. Presumably he was able- bodied? In that case I’m afraid it’s first come first served.

Why? Unless they are elderly, have a disability or are heavily pregnant there is literally no reason why a child should give up their seat for an adult.

100%

Depends on the size of the 5 year old and the size of the lap! I'm 5'1". Dd3 was on 99th centile line
She would not have fitted on my lap. I think the days of kids standing to allow fare paying passengers to sit are way in the past.

Good manners.
Their ticket is free or cheaper.
Their legs are younger.
They can sit on a knee.

Lots of reasons

Yes, mine were often on my knee. I think it’s partly because they looked so small taking up a whole seat. It felt like a waste! Esp on a crowded train.

I am five 2 with very slight build. I was still bigger than a five year old child!

I think it would have been reasonable to sit her on your lap; but that young man needs to zip the lip!

I would definitely have put her on my lap/knee to make may for others...

If I was travelling alone with them I couldn't have 1 sitting alone. Both have severe autism ADHD and epilepsy. Wasn't often we could get a table on a train so I would squeeze the 3 of us onto 2 seats. DS being a runner would be squashed in the middle of me and DD.

We live in London, and there are often children sitting in the priority seats during the morning rush hour when there are few people who genuinely need them. Nobody objects.

I would absolutely expect a child to stand in favour of an adult.

With both parents working, a lot of children have very long days. In primary school, my DS regularly had 8am to 5.30pm days plus a heavy bag with homework to carry home on the tube.That is why a lot of adult Londoners give up their seat for children. It is because they are kind, not ridiculous.

Not unreasonable at all. I'm 190cm tall and my 6 year old is 122cm tall, it's impossible for her to sit on my lap, she just slides off!

This is nonsense. In that case a 22 year old should get up for me at 37 because of "younger legs".
It's first come first serve unless there is a disability.

And the child couldn't sit on the lap anyway if you read the OP. And 5 year olds can be huge anyway!

For an elderly person, a person obviously struggling or a pregnant woman I would ask my child to give up their seat. I would then take my child on my lap and if that wass impossibel I would stand myself and let my child sit if standing was too hazardous for a young child. But my child has the same right to sit as a healthy 20-something young man.

Oh great, another mantrum.

YANBU, OP.