AIBU to say I shouldn’t have to taxi to baby swimming so DH can play golf during paternity leave?

[Frozenbroccoli]

DH is currently on paternity leave. He gets 3 months and has decided to take them split into one month blocks.

Last week he asked if I was okay for him to play golf on Monday (tomorrow). I said fine, although mildly irked as this is the 4th time and we're only 2 weeks into this block of paternity leave, or golf leave as he seems to think it is. That was that.

I was then talking to my mum about DD’s swimming lesson, which is also on Mondays, and DH asked how I was getting there. I said in the car, a bit confused. He then told me he’s taking the car for golf.

I said he wasn’t, because he hadn’t asked if he could have the car. He often gets collected for golf as he knows I need it, so going to golf doesn’t usually mean taking the car. He said fine, he just won’t go but now he’s making me feel bad and said they only moved it from Friday because he didn’t want to leave me with both children (we also have a 3 year old). So he’s now suggesting I just get a taxi.

I really can’t be bothered with the faff of getting a taxi though. AIBU to say no?

For context, the golf course is about a 33 minute drive away and would take around 1 hour 10 minutes on public transport. None of his friends are passing to collect him, although he could get the train to the nearest station and get a lift from there. DD’s swimming lesson is about a 10 minute drive.

Of course I could skip swimming, DD is only 6 months so it’s more for fun than anything, but it’s one of the only classes we do while I’m on maternity leave and I’d rather not miss it.

TL;DR: DH wants to take the car to golf while on paternity leave, which would mean I’d need to get a taxi to take our 6 month old to her swimming lesson (10 min drive). AIBU to say I’d rather keep the car?

He sounds useless OP, what a delight. I would remind him paternity leave is parenting leave not a holiday.

Definitely not being unreasonable. If DH wants to get to golf he can either get public transport or get a taxi!

I would remind him that paternity leave is for him to bond with/help look after his child

I would suggest he takes DD swimming to do just that

if he won’t then he gets a taxi and you take the car

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

You have the car and then get organised so you both get some time for yourself and use of the car etc.

YANBU. It would be a right faff putting everything you need to take a baby out into a taxi, presumably including the car seat. And where would you put the seat, especially while you are in the Baths. The taxi isn't going to ve sitting outside waiting surely? That would cost a fortune!

Why women accept this standard from men is beyond me. Are either of your children daughters? What an example for him to set.

Paternity leave? I would expect him to go with baby swimming. Not playing golf.
Sorry I don't get it.

I'll repeat what I just said on another thread
Christ - another shit husband.

Why do so people accept their bar being so low. Of course you must know he's being unreasonable.

The fact he thinks it's completely fine for you to be left carting a 6 month old around in a taxi so he can go to golf is just so far out of my experience of a supportive partner it's wild to me how you can even think this is normal.

Why can't he stay home with the older child whilst you take baby swimming in the car?

He needs a reminder that it’s parental leave. To spend with his children. Not golf ball leave to spend with his buddies.

If he doesn’t want to be with his children he can go to work those days.

H takes the taxi.

You take the car.

Or better yet, your H accompanies you and his two children to swimming, to prove he isn't a complete waste of space. He is taking the piss here, with his golf outing while you manage the two children on your own.

Then the two of you sit down and you outline in no uncertain terms your expectations of him as a coparent from now on, and not just for maternity leave.

Ask him how he would feel if you swanned off and dumped both children on him and expected him to get them both to swimming and back.

Do not let him get away with this piss taking.

He can get the bus.

Last week he asked if I was okay for him to play golf on Monday (tomorrow). I said fine, although mildly irked as this is the 4th time and we're only 2 weeks into this block of paternity leave, or golf leave as he seems to think it is.

Don't do this. Say no.

If he asks and you agree, then you can hardly blame him.

Why doesn’t he take dc to swimming? Or go together if you enjoy it.

Does he realise why he is off?

Paternity leave is to take the pressure off the woman! To help out with parenting. Not to play golf FFS.

He may aswell go back to work. Or it may genuinely be more helpful if he takes paternity leave if you decide to go back to work in a while. He is zero help currently.

How about he takes your DD swimming and you go and play golf (or something else you'd enjoy)?

Where the fuck are you putting your very expensive and very nickable carseat while you're in the pool?

Of course he can't take the bloody car.

What a selfish cretin. What has he been doing that fits the criteria of parental leave? Because if it's little to nothing he should go back to work as he's causing more hassle than he's saving.

Another woman having children for a man who just doesn't care.

We live in London and dont have a car, so i used taxis a lot. Infant carrier belted into back seat. Buggy frame in the boot, then stick infant carrier onto buggy frame to wheel in / out of activity and reverse on the way home. Everyone at our pool just leaves the carseats in a little area within sight of the pool and the receptionist (very small pool - not a leisure centre). AFAIK not one has ever been stolen in the 4years ive been going with 2 DC.

BUT having said that, I too would be annoyed at him taking the car for the whole day. Why cant he take the taxi? Or could you drop him off and then him get taxi home if cost of two taxi journeys is an issue?

@DeliciouslyBaked
Why can't he take the baby swimming?

Is there not public transport to the pool if it’s only a ten min drive? All being equal, I’d say you have dibs on the car but it seems like it’d be much easier to get you to your destination than him

Of course he could but it sounds like OP wants to go? She says in the post "I'd rather not miss it"

If it was a one off I'd be fine with it but 4 times during PL, why does he not want to come and join in with the swimming, since presumably that's difficult when he's working?