AIBU to say I shouldn’t have to taxi to baby swimming so DH can play golf during paternity leave?

[Frozenbroccoli]

DH is currently on paternity leave. He gets 3 months and has decided to take them split into one month blocks.

Last week he asked if I was okay for him to play golf on Monday (tomorrow). I said fine, although mildly irked as this is the 4th time and we're only 2 weeks into this block of paternity leave, or golf leave as he seems to think it is. That was that.

I was then talking to my mum about DD’s swimming lesson, which is also on Mondays, and DH asked how I was getting there. I said in the car, a bit confused. He then told me he’s taking the car for golf.

I said he wasn’t, because he hadn’t asked if he could have the car. He often gets collected for golf as he knows I need it, so going to golf doesn’t usually mean taking the car. He said fine, he just won’t go but now he’s making me feel bad and said they only moved it from Friday because he didn’t want to leave me with both children (we also have a 3 year old). So he’s now suggesting I just get a taxi.

I really can’t be bothered with the faff of getting a taxi though. AIBU to say no?

For context, the golf course is about a 33 minute drive away and would take around 1 hour 10 minutes on public transport. None of his friends are passing to collect him, although he could get the train to the nearest station and get a lift from there. DD’s swimming lesson is about a 10 minute drive.

Of course I could skip swimming, DD is only 6 months so it’s more for fun than anything, but it’s one of the only classes we do while I’m on maternity leave and I’d rather not miss it.

TL;DR: DH wants to take the car to golf while on paternity leave, which would mean I’d need to get a taxi to take our 6 month old to her swimming lesson (10 min drive). AIBU to say I’d rather keep the car?

How much time are you getting for whatever your equivalent of golf is while he is on paternity leave OP?

He's on paternity leave, so he should take the taxi to swimming with DD, while you take the car to do something infinity more fun then golf

Why on earth cant he get a taxi?

Also Op stop saying yes to golf if you dont actually mean yes. He should be helping you so say no if you mean no

(Fair re stealing of carseat. I may've been paranoid. I don't have a car, and I have twins, so I don't know how swimming situations work, as I could never go. I just know I have guarded my pushchair like it was the Crown Jewels as otherwise I couldn't get home/could never leave the house again 😂)

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Hmm I’m surprised that I don’t see the big deal. It seems like a very pedestrian disagreement over who should take the car, which occasionally happens in one car households. I’d probably just have one party drop the other off and pick up or use a taxi fro the short journey

So on Monday, he expects you to go swimming with a 3 year old and a baby while he plays golf? And he wants to take the car too so you'd need to get a taxi? What the fuck is he thinking?

His paternity leave is so he can be a present and involved member of the family. He should be taking the baby swimming, not going on jollies while you get public transport around town laden down with kids and bags like a pack horse.

He is selfish.

You don't see the big deal in him taking the car to play golf whilst supposedly being off on maternity leave... Really?

According to ACAS Paternity leave allows an employee to spend time with a new child and support their partner. It is not a holiday, it is not for golf. The point of paternity leave is to do things like driving you to the swimming lesson and taking his baby into the water. He should be supporting you and the baby.
I repeat, it is not a holiday for dads.

You are definitely not the unreasonable one.

Well duh obviously op should drop off her oldest child for golf club and then she can pick him up again once his done and had a snack after dealing with a newborn and toddler at swimming.

Couldn't agree more

Paternity leave is all about enjoy the children and getting through those early sleepless days together, not golf?

He's taking the pee!

LOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!! He can dream on. Ease and convenience for the one having to get the baby around wins. The last time I checked an actual human baby took precedence over some golf clubs however expensive they are.
Do NOT let him make you feel bad. When he asked to play golf he overlooked the car situation and that’s on HIM (he clearly knows this that’s probably why he’s sulking because he realised he didn’t think it through). He didn’t come to you and say “do you mind if I take the car to go and play golf on Monday?” Did he. So HE can get a taxi.

Honestly the cheek of asking you to take the baby’s car seat out, figure out belting it into a taxi if you don’t know how (I don’t, my seat stays on an isofix base so I’d have to learn), store it god knows where at the pool and then reverse all that to get home, as well as the general faff of taking a baby swimming anyway just so he can go play golf. My husband would never suggest this because he knows where I’d offer to shove his golf clubs if he did.

Also, just why are swimming classes so important for a tiny baby?
I understand the concept of starting them young, but really is it such a big deal?

My woke workplace doesn't call this 'paternity' leave, it's 'maternity support' leave. The clue is in the name - tell him this.

As an aside, who is he planning to play golf with? Retired folk, folk with flexible hours or other men on paternity leave?

He's being ridiculous. As pp have said, if he wants to play golf he can bugger off back to work - without the car, obviously! Does this reflect the view that a worrying number of men hold, that mat leave is just one long holiday for mothers? I'd be raging, OP.

I hear you! No twins here but my buggy is my absolute lifeline without a car. I think in London, its so common especially, that noone thinks twice about it. Theres often 10-12 buggies parked up (5 or 6 in the class swimming and the 5 or 6 of the next class arriving) and noone locks them. In fact I once went to a different leisure centre and they had buggy locks outside the soft play, which you put a £1 coin in to use, and i thought they were such a brilliant idea!

I take GS swimming but I go on the bus but I do leave the buggy at the pool. We park them by the reception desk and it's never been a problem. You need a pass to get in so I suppose it wouldn't be that hard to find a likely suspect, it won't be one of the school kids as I imagine the teacher would notice. Dont think it would be one of the elderly guys doing stroke recovery (I don't mean a swimming stroke.). Only leaves a handful of people.

That's just information how it can work, doesn't mean it's ok for him to take the car.

Make him take DD swimming. And tell him eh needs to massively scale back golf, once per week max.

is he absolutely marvellous for the rest of the week op, and it’s just these 4 rounds of golf he’s had in an otherwise impeccable display of support for you and time with his children?

Its like an absolute deluge of completely fucking useless men on here at the moment.

'Why aren't women wanting kids' they wring their hands asking over and over.

This, the relentless shittification of male parenting.

To be fair I don't think it has to be 24/7. I mean if a new mum wants dad or gran to have baby while she goes to the gym/gets her hair done/gets her nails done I don't think anyone is going to say you're on maternity leave how dare you do something for yourself. Obviously he should be doing it at a time that works for OP and it shouldn't be every day but doing it occasionally when it suits should be ok.

What would happen if you gave him a strange look and went 'er, you're on paternity leave, dont you want to spend as much time with me and the baby before you have to fo back to work?' OP?

He's on parental leave and not only does he want to spend it playing golf, he wans to deprive you of the use of the car.

I would rip the useless fucker a new one.

And I'd definitely be suggesting to him that if he's not going to parent, he doesn't need to be on parental leave.

OP said she does it for fun. Why should she give that up?

I’ve an idea, why doesn’t he take DD to swimming while you put your feet up. Does he realise paternity leave is to spend with his DC not improve his handicap?