AIBU to say I shouldn’t have to taxi to baby swimming so DH can play golf during paternity leave?

[Frozenbroccoli]

DH is currently on paternity leave. He gets 3 months and has decided to take them split into one month blocks.

Last week he asked if I was okay for him to play golf on Monday (tomorrow). I said fine, although mildly irked as this is the 4th time and we're only 2 weeks into this block of paternity leave, or golf leave as he seems to think it is. That was that.

I was then talking to my mum about DD’s swimming lesson, which is also on Mondays, and DH asked how I was getting there. I said in the car, a bit confused. He then told me he’s taking the car for golf.

I said he wasn’t, because he hadn’t asked if he could have the car. He often gets collected for golf as he knows I need it, so going to golf doesn’t usually mean taking the car. He said fine, he just won’t go but now he’s making me feel bad and said they only moved it from Friday because he didn’t want to leave me with both children (we also have a 3 year old). So he’s now suggesting I just get a taxi.

I really can’t be bothered with the faff of getting a taxi though. AIBU to say no?

For context, the golf course is about a 33 minute drive away and would take around 1 hour 10 minutes on public transport. None of his friends are passing to collect him, although he could get the train to the nearest station and get a lift from there. DD’s swimming lesson is about a 10 minute drive.

Of course I could skip swimming, DD is only 6 months so it’s more for fun than anything, but it’s one of the only classes we do while I’m on maternity leave and I’d rather not miss it.

TL;DR: DH wants to take the car to golf while on paternity leave, which would mean I’d need to get a taxi to take our 6 month old to her swimming lesson (10 min drive). AIBU to say I’d rather keep the car?

Pretty sure his employer won’t care what he’s doing on his time off, if he wants to improve his golf game before the summer then these 4 weeks are perfect!

i can’t quite believe someone bothered to google the acas website and posted it as if any one gets told what the can and cant do on maternity or paternity leave.

There would be outage if someone posted that to claim a woman shouldn’t be going to the gym or her hobby whilst on maternity leave.

Seems as if a load of men have just descended onto the thread.
I'm female and hooked on golf and I think he’s bang out of order.

He can go to golf but can't take the car. You need it.

What did the "men" say?

after reading your second post, I'd be happy for him to go . I'd probably see if mum could take me or a friend (& take her out first lunch after?) rather than faff with a taxi, or maybe just skip it this week.

but I'd definitely talk to DH about needing to ask about the CAR if he needs it, not just about what he is doing.

does he not use the car for work?

Just tell the selfish cunt that golf is cancelled for the foreseeable future. And stop saying yes when you mean no. Stop trying to be reasonable with a selfish prick.

There are two separate issues here.

He asked if it was ok to go golfing and you said yes. Why? If it annoys you, say no.

The car thing is a miscommunication. You both made an assumption and were both wrong. He should have mentioned he needed the car, or you should have done.

Taking a taxi for a ten minute trip isn’t a problem. I assume a 6 month old is in a portable car seat. Easy enough to move/carry. It’s not like you are packing for a week’s trip. In which case it would seem crazy for him to pay what would be about 60-70 quid for the round trip in a taxi if you could do it for £15.

Are you only annoyed about the taxi, or is it that he is going at all? I suspect it’s the latter and that’s what’s really bugging you.

I don’t understand why he isn’t the one doing baby swimming when he is on paternity leave. Tell him to start practicing being a father.

Maybe he should start with a spot of 'babysitting', because being a father sounds quite unrealistic for this selfish wanker.

Can you drop him at golf and he get a taxi back or the other way round?
It’s paternity leave, so baby shouldn’t be missing swimming, he needs to be flexible not you.
Do you get baby free time when he’s not working as you should.

No such thing as babysitting when it’s your own child, it’s called doing your bit

Men and their golf
Ex sil was married to someone who wanted to play golf all the time.

They are divorced now.

I think you may have had an irony bypass...

He shouldn’t have assumed that he could take the car when usually he doesn’t take the car for golf.
I assume OP is getting equal baby/child free time while he has the kids.

10 minute drive could mean a 30-40 minute walk.
With baby, buggy, swimming kit for both, changing bag etc.
Then it could be shit weather, yeah that would be a hard no if that were me.

‏👍👍👍

You did say Paternity Leave and not Annual Leave ?!!!

Its a dilemma but all I can think about is the baby being submerged in a swimming pool. Obviously that is if the lessons mentioned involve letting go of the baby to swim under the water.I have a colleague whose baby ended up in hospital after one of those sessions. Even the thought gives me the fear.

I'd have said, yeah I'll take the car. End of conversation.

Then he can pout, and make other arrangements for himself.

Tell him to take her swimming, and he can use the car. You have a day of to do
your hobby!

Or you could both take her swimming. It’s really nice having one person to do baby change while the wet adult gets themself changed.

More likely a fun parenting and baby bonding session than actually learning g how to swim.
Its good for babies to be introduced to swimming early tho, so they gain confidence for when they do start to learn.

I have a husband who golfs and to be honest, he takes the p*ss a lot with how many Saturdays he plays leaving me with the kids. But even by my standards (obviously low!) this is ridiculous. What does he think paternity leave is?! You’re presumably on maternity leave, have you been taking hours out at a time to follow a hobby of yours that doesn’t involve either child?! No… because you’re on maternity leave, not a jolly. He needs to realise he’s not on holiday!

My children are 4 and 8 and he didn’t play any golf at all between when the 4 year old was born and when they turned 2, and this was entirely his decision.