AIBU to say I shouldn’t have to taxi to baby swimming so DH can play golf during paternity leave?

[Frozenbroccoli]

DH is currently on paternity leave. He gets 3 months and has decided to take them split into one month blocks.

Last week he asked if I was okay for him to play golf on Monday (tomorrow). I said fine, although mildly irked as this is the 4th time and we're only 2 weeks into this block of paternity leave, or golf leave as he seems to think it is. That was that.

I was then talking to my mum about DD’s swimming lesson, which is also on Mondays, and DH asked how I was getting there. I said in the car, a bit confused. He then told me he’s taking the car for golf.

I said he wasn’t, because he hadn’t asked if he could have the car. He often gets collected for golf as he knows I need it, so going to golf doesn’t usually mean taking the car. He said fine, he just won’t go but now he’s making me feel bad and said they only moved it from Friday because he didn’t want to leave me with both children (we also have a 3 year old). So he’s now suggesting I just get a taxi.

I really can’t be bothered with the faff of getting a taxi though. AIBU to say no?

For context, the golf course is about a 33 minute drive away and would take around 1 hour 10 minutes on public transport. None of his friends are passing to collect him, although he could get the train to the nearest station and get a lift from there. DD’s swimming lesson is about a 10 minute drive.

Of course I could skip swimming, DD is only 6 months so it’s more for fun than anything, but it’s one of the only classes we do while I’m on maternity leave and I’d rather not miss it.

TL;DR: DH wants to take the car to golf while on paternity leave, which would mean I’d need to get a taxi to take our 6 month old to her swimming lesson (10 min drive). AIBU to say I’d rather keep the car?

He should take baby swimming.

If this is even happening in your house, it’s just the tip of the iceberg to how shit he is

Congratulations, you have 3 babies! Tell him to buck up.

OP says it's fun and she doesn't want to miss it. Why should she give that up?

Thanks all, I didn't think I was being unreasonable, I guess it's just because swimming isn't that far away that I thought people might be more on the fence but glad to hear that what I was thinking was fair.

Just to add he's not completely useless, is doing all the housework and laundry whilst on leave, and he gets up at 5:30am with our 3 year old, and does the nursery run so I get to have a lie in so I think all of that makes me wonder if I'm being a little harsh too.

Plus we've recently moved to my hometown, away from his, and he misses his friends who have taken the day off work to play. If it was the Tuesday it would be fine, although does still irritate me that it's the 4th time playing golf in 2 weeks.

It's hard too because if I said to him I'm going to take 6 hours to myself to spend on a hobby he'd be totally fine with it, would actually encourage me, but I don't have any hobbies and don't really want to be away from my baby.

As for dropping him off at golf so I can keep the car, that's a hard no. Would be a hour round trip there and back and then another hour to collect him, I'd rather just miss swimming than do that!

And to the person who asked why swimming lessons are important for a tiny baby, they're not really, just a nice class we enjoy together, she loves the water and is nice bonding time.

Im in the dogsbody group 😂I’d get an uber without too much hassle to be honest. We laugh a bit now how much golf and gym my husband did on his leave. But then we’ve always had each other’s back and he has his hobbies and groups and I have mine. So long as it goes both ways and he will put himself out for you if you need it, I don’t see the problem. If he won’t that’s a different issue!

You take the car, he gets public transport.

He is going to be pushing your boundaries, don’t give way all the time thinking you’re being helpful.

Has it not occurred to him that he should either be coming to swimming with you or doing housework at home?

It’s called paternity leave, not fuck off to play golf and avoid family life leave! Just sayin..

Presumably your scorn isn't aimed at the OP, because she's literally not accepting it.

Because he needs, for one week at least, to appreciate what a faff it is and how a taxi is a shit idea.

Surely you have the regular arrangement and plan in place? Therefore, you have the car.
If he wants to be a skiver on his 'paternity' leave (in quotations, as I'm not hearing of much parenting!), then he's being a pretty shitty father.
Does he assume you will always be the default fail-safe parent, who will work around him?

Golf? Is he taking the piss?

Fuck me. It's paternity leave to spend with the baby not play golf. Just tell him that.

He could Take the toddler to play golf 🤣

IDK we live in London and up until v recently shared a car so we were always using taxis/uber with the kids when they were younger and it would usually be the one with the shortest i.e. cheapest journey that would get the cab whilst the other drove. So I would have been fine with going swimming in a taxi. Just leave the seat by the side of the pool with a towel over it to protect from splashes. The excessive amount of golf days would piss me off though. Also, it sounds like from your updates like he’s being decent with the 3YO and the housework but is he using any of his pat leave for it’s actual intended purpose i.e. caring for and bonding with his new baby?

F* Golf

Time to find hobbies, your baby will be fine if you go out for a few hours, she’s 6mths not a newborn.
Even go for lunch with your mum, coffee with a book, it’s good to have time to yourself.

Next timw he asks to golf ask him back if he thinks it is what a good dad would go do whilst on paternity leave.

How often does he actually parent op?

Regardless of the update, wow.

paternity leave, split over three months, should be well eh to parent. Baby six months?

im sorry but this is why employers are reluctant to offer such packages. It’s just nonsense.

either take it to help mum when baby born, or take it to help mum going back to work.

He is so lucky to get that length of time. My husband has 2 weeks of annual leave with each baby as his paternity package was statutory only and we couldn’t afford the hit.

He’d have bloody loved 3 months off to spend with the children. It really hit him having to go back to work and miss out a lot. That time your husband has is so precious and he has to realise that isn’t typical at all. Golf can wait really.could he have not used those weeks more effectively? It feels like he is getting a bit of a jolly while you’re doing the bulk of parenting.

Could you walk to the pool or take a bus if it's only a ten minute drive away?

Hell would have frozen over before I got a bus or taxi to baby swimming if a car was available. Both of mine did it from 3 months but it was always a massive faff getting changed at the end and I had a routine sorted with military precision to avoid it being awful.

What???

Also his friends have taken the day off work. So this was pre planned? He picked and arranged with them to take a Monday off? She he knows you go swimming with baby. When his supposed to be a supportive parent.

If anything giving you time off.

This 100%