Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

[IndigoBluey]

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

Maybe he was just being nice…

We are not obliged to make men feel better. If he was lonely he could have spoken to another man . I’d be concerned he was near your home and I’d keep an eye out.

Yep, can confirm.

I've been called a "stuck up bitch", "a stupid cow", "a lesbian who hates men" before all because I politely but firmly declined to engage in unwanted conversation with a random strange man whilst out alone.

One time, I was even helpfully told to "smile" by a random man on the street whilst literally on my way to the funeral directors, just after my dad died.

I have never experienced any of this from women. OP- ignore the people wanging on about poor lonely old men needing it spelling out to them that their behaviour is rude. Anyone with half a brain cell can tell from your behaviour that you didnt want to engage in conversation and there's no guarantee even if you did tell him firmly no you wouldn't have got a load of abuse anyway because many men think they are entitled to women's time and attention.

YANBU.

No it isn’t. It’s entitled men. They come in all ages.

Whenever I don't want to interact with anyone, I always make sure to go out and find a building where there's a lot of people.
Even better if there's a major sporting tournament going on as it's going to be packed then. Plus the atmosphere is buzzin. Oh and alcohol must be served there as people who've had a few are always well behaved and open to subtle social cues.
I find that Saturday night's the best time for this.

Oh wait, I don't do that. At all.

He probably thinks he's quite the catch! Old enough to be your Dad.times have changed Grandad .and its acceptable for a woman to go into a pub alone now . For a quiet drink.do not feel guilty it's him who's an old lech with no social skills

So creepy, why don't they feel any shame? i be mortified if I were bothering someone.

There doesn’t have to be an assumption of nefarious intentions, but simply be tired as hell that a single woman can’t feel comfortable entering a pub to clearly watch a game on a big screen and - for once - not have some man think she’s needing his company.

And why isn’t she allowed to ignore him? We do not have to speak to any random stranger just because they speak, uninvited, to us in a pub.

If the OP had been a 34 yr old male would the 70 yr old man put his jacket on the back of his chair and started talking to him? No of course not. If the op was male would they feel the slightest tinge of guilt at saying they’re watching the rugby if they were spoken to? No to both.

I was imagining myself in this situation... trying to think how I could respond. My initial thought was "can I help you?" but what about "i can't help you". That's not very rude, is it? But it seems like a good shutdown to a conversation. Even if he tried to argue and responded with "I didn't ask for help!" perhaps a louder "whatever it is, I can't help you" would be enough to send him away. Then of course, I imagine other people being disapproving, and tutting.... would I be brave enough to catcb their eye and say "you talk to him then!" I guess we have to allow ourselves to be the villain in some stories

I was imagining myself in this situation... trying to think how I could respond. My initial thought was "can I help you?" but what about "i can't help you". That's not very rude, is it? But it seems like a good shutdown to a conversation. Even if he tried to argue and responded with "I didn't ask for help!" perhaps a louder "whatever it is, I can't help you" would be enough to send him away. Then of course, I imagine other people being disapproving, and tutting.... would I be brave enough to catcb their eye and say "you talk to him then!" I guess we have to allow ourselves to be the villain in some stories

Whats the world coming too

indeed

And he didn't take the hint when the OP ignored him. Surprising in a man who was just making polite conversation. Unsurprising in a man who made a beeline for a lone woman half his age to chat her up.

Totally agree, not every interaction is loaded, Maybe it was just a person being sociable to someone they saw sat on their own............

“I’m fine thanks” to whatever he initially said and then blank

Honestly MsMarple? Surely you're not that naive! Who did he approach? Why her, when there were others there of the same sex and age. Predatory behaviour.

What’s sad about this thread is the number of people saying that maybe the guy was lonely, or the OP should have expected conversation if she dared to go out to a public place on her own.
For the hard of understanding, no-one owes anyone conversation and if someone makes conversational overtures and gets no response then they should just walk away - not stand over the person expectantly.
Women get this all the time “oh you should have told him you weren’t interested ” which then often leads to arguments and verbal abuse or, at the least, dogged persistence,
Then there’s the “oh it wouldn’t have hurt you to be nice”, which often leads to some annoying cling on who won’t get the hint and leave.
So, here’s the thing - women don’t owe men conversation. If anyone tries to start a conversation with someone else and you are getting no response, or limited response, or are even told that person isn’t interested, just move on. It’s not that hard.

no, what is sad, apart from the ageist comments - which are enough
assumptions that he is lonely, assumptions that he is a letch.

how do people cope with life being this paranoid?
hide away, dont open your front door, dont answer the phone, and dont speak to someone when they speak to you, due to their age and gender not being the same as yours
so paranoid and unhealthy

Sorry but I’m wondering if perhaps this man has early dementia given the age of him. My dad would do something like this and be really poor at reading social clues or etiquette because of his dementia although he functions really well otherwise still and is still able to live independently and look after himself (at the moment). Like another PP has said, I think too many posters are quick to place nefarious intentions on this man with no real reason. He’s just tried to be friendly, albeit unwarranted.

Editec to add that I’m not trying to diagnose anyone here from a MN post lol before anyone starts, just trying to highlight that there could be another perspective seeing as so many are jumping on the pervy old man bandwagon.

EleanorReally you obviously have a narrow view of what other people do. Many people go to the pub to watch sport. Dh is going today. Yes he could sit on his own and watch it at home but you could say that for virtually anything.
Why go to a cafe when you can sit in your house and drink coffee? Why even go to the pub when you can sit and drink in your own home. Why go to the cinema when you can watch virtually any film you like at home?
Stop questioning why women are in public spaces. They have just as much right to be there as men. This is why lots of women don’t go out. The assumption that they shouldn’t be there. I find this the same with public transport. I’d rather drive than have to suffer the unwanted attention of some random man.

I used to get this when out with my wife. Some men see 2 women together and assume we’re fair game to be approached. Then we have to be careful not to anger them. So annoying.

And a 70 year old, old man must have had plenty of brush offs to surely have learned to take a hint by now.

She could have stayed home if she didn't want conversation?

Shock horror, woman doesn't want to sit at home in her lounge watching a match with zero atmosphere and would like to do it in a pub with other people cheering on the team, celebrating scoring, groaning at the near misses.

Without being harassed by random males.

Is it really too much in 2026 to ask other women to understand this?

Yup.
I have similar..
No longer young and gorgeous😉 but I think I have one of those open faces - so even when I'm reading /disengaged from what's going on around me... Men do approach and start talking to/at me.....

Many of whom do versions of my wife doesn't understand me.... 💤

It must work... Sometimes...

I get really fed of these unwelcome advances, wheb I'm reading or just staring into space.... Most times I'm waiting for fríends/partner.

@EleanorReally well according to you, women can't win. You are saying women shouldnt go to the pub because they can have a drink at home and then in the next breath you are calling people paranoid for "hiding" away at home.

So, which is it? damned if you go out, damned if you stay at home 😂

Woah!!!!!!!!!

Get back in your place laydeeeez!!!!!!