Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

[IndigoBluey]

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

I’m 54 years old and men still feel the need to do this shit. I rarely go out by myself but often end up waiting for people as I am early/killing time, etc… I’m middle aged, overweight and married (but don’t wear my ring because of my work). They see the blonde hair and that is like a bat signal for entitled fuckers. (I feel like it’s the blonde hair because they so often use it to start their conversation.) Some will still sit down despite me putting my hand up and saying “I’m not here for you”, “I’m waiting for someone” or “I want to be alone, thanks.” They’re not necessarily after my less than exceptional body, but clearly want a counsellor or something, and I’m not here for that at all.

Just so you know

I'm extremely blunt and do not give a fuck. My usual immediate response to men like this is "No, I'm not interested in talking thanks". Almost invariably they do not take it well. The standard response is to huff off, calling me a string of names as they go.

I'm not going to change the way I respond to these men, but there is no right way to deal with them. They're going to attempt to humiliate you no matter what.

Was he watching the match?

You were not rude OP. Geez some of these old boys certainly feel entitled to invade the space of a female sometimes. I went out with my husband and friends to a small club to watch some acoustic folk music when some geezer passed in front of me, stopped & pointed his finger at me and demanded that I smile. For the record, I’m 60 ffs, this idiot was about 75. Gave him a very smarmy ‘smile’ just so he’d move on. Bet he’d never demand that from a male.

Yanbu

You don't owe him anything, what a feckin chancer

Some of the best conversations i have ever had have been random ones when i have been alone with women and shock horror actually with men

This bitter and twisted thing women think they are the centre of their own universe and men who come with 100 feet of them because of some conspiracy is odd

Do women hate their own sons this much?

So true. I am an inveterate loner, i like my own company often, happily have coffee out on my own, eat a meal in a restaurant alone, sit in the sunshine in the park alone, read, drink coffee, even a glass of wine occasionally. I like to think and look at the world quite a lot. I visit new places alone. But I've lost count of the annoying males who just can't leave a woman in peace, asking stupid questions (as if they don't have Google), scruffy beggars homing in on me, charity chuggers. Drives me nuts. WTF is wrong with men? Goddess forbid that a woman can ever relax in peace in public. I wish i had a taser.

If only

I find that a sharp "Not today thank you" delivered in my dismissive teacher voice usually does it. If they persist then "Fuck off" is pretty clear.

I once told a prospective pick up "You couldnt keep me in hair pins!

I dont feel the need to be polite to randoms who try to pickl me up.

OP ignore the posters who think you should have talked to him. Women have been conditioned to be polite and care about their feelings, when a bloke like this does nothing of the sort.
Im late 50s and still deal with this. I’ve got no time
for it.
And I tell my teen daughter that’s she’s not obligated to appease anyone, and to listen to her instincts or gut feeling.
I’ve had a lifetime of this crap from men. It’s high time it ended.
OP you did nothing wrong.

Only a bloke would say that.

I agree.
I would’ve said “no thank you” again and again and louder until the gentleman stopped talking and left me alone.
It’s always been effective in the past.

But not responding - maybe they think you didn’t hear them or some other nutty excuse.
They need to hear the word, ”NO.”

Because some of these older men go past 3 reading men before they stop at my bench.

It wasn’t her own son hitting her up for a convo.

It was some random old dude.

And she wasn’t in a charitable frame of mind just then, so she didn’t respond.

Now if it were me, I would’ve screamed ”I HATE MY SON, SO YOU SIR MAY FECK RIGHT OFF!”

lol

This bitter and twisted thing women think they are the centre of their own universe and men who come with 100 feet of them because of some conspiracy is odd

This is going to be a shock to you but women ARE the centre of their own universes. Not bit players in some random bloke's universe.

He was no gentleman. As repeated again I made it clear quickly I was not reciprocal to conversation and no way would I be answering with a thank you, even preceded with the word No.

I enjoy random conversations too, they can be fun when all participants are keen. You are confused though and not understanding, childishly naive and ignorant, of the want of a women to be able to sit alone and not bothered by a man.

No one should have to talk to anyone but this men is the enemy thing gets old

And the idea that if a woman doesnt think the same as every other woman thinks the same so they must be man is a very old MN cliche I presume woman are intelligent enough to have their own thoughts?

& don't worry there's lots more entitled men maturing into entitled old men coming up behind them

YANBU, but if you want to enjoy being by yourself don't go into an area populated mainly by men, especially when they have had a drink.

OP you are absolutely NBU. I think these types of men target lone women because they know they’ll usually feel too awkward to tell them to FO.

It used to happen to me all the time particularly by men who are a similar ethnic background and the opener is always “where are you from?” When I tell them I’m English, it’s always “where are your parents from? Or “What religion are you?”

It happens less now because I’ve perfected my resting bitch face though I have had “don’t look so worried, you’ll get your drink” when I’ve been minding my own business waiting at the bar. I was too polite to hold my boundaries when I was younger, I’m more assertive now but it still feels awkward!

A few weeks ago I was with a group of friends in a Costa, maybe half a dozen of us over two tables pushed together.

Someone went to the loo and a bloke tried to sit down in her chair, which was by the wall so he was actually trying to squeeze round us.

He couldn’t seem to understand that we weren’t going to be grateful for male company. We had to physically get in his way & say very loudly and clearly that the chair was taken and we didn’t want him to sit there.

It wasn’t even as if the place was full - not only were there spare tables but when he finally gave up, he went & sat down with another bloke who was obviously his mate.

Thid one wasn’t old either, maybe late 30s.

YADNBU, OP.

Fuck that honey. Women will go wherever the fuck we want, and if a random dude needs to be told to fuck off, then so be it.

He should have immediately buggered off after your first response- he had absolutely no right to persist. Some men are just arrogant shits. His age is immaterial.