Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

[IndigoBluey]

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

Men don’t all suddenly become sweet lonely grandads as they age. Some of them have been abusive twats their whole lives and just got wrinkled. I used to manage a bar… he knows what he was doing and you weren’t rude.

@EstherGreenwood63 you were right, I did get deleted (as did you, again). Defend men at all cost but don’t want to be accused of sounding like one.

Yessssssssss. Curious isn't it? 🤔 😁

It's remarkable. Pattern recognition, it's what we're good at. For reasons.

I'm sorry but you only have to look at the thread title - what's his age mentioned for? Is it just to be factual or to indicate he's past it?

Because some old fart more than twice her age tried to force her to pay attention to him by asking her questions, putting his coat on her chair (a dominance move), standing over her for a while, and generally encroaching in her space when it was clear he was not welcome.

The kind of misogynist who feels owed attention from women doesn't deserve all the mental gymnastics you're going through to defend his inappropriate and rude behaviour.

Many men DO absolutely think a woman’s sole purpose is to tend to their needs.

So, he either deludedly fancied his chances, or thought alone woman = her job is to listen to me bleat on about myself.

In my job I come across a lot of middle age and older men. Many of them think I’m there to listen to them bang on about bollocks or stroke their ego. I’m surprised I’ve had no complaints about me because I don’t entertain it. I’m not rude, but I give one word answers or say “I must get on, I’m so busy”.

I’ve got some serious stress in my life at the moment and it boils down to a couple of widowed relatives (male) who now think I’m their defacto wife and it’s my job to listen to them moaning and attend to their every need.

Men are draining.

Good point.
It's not that he picked that seat for the night it's that he was a regular and he was territorial over that particular seat.
Sounds far-fetched? It isn't. I know men just like this.
All kinds of passive aggressiveness towards people who are in 'their' seat.
It's absolutely ridiculous that they are like this, but it's a bit like people who think they own the road outside their house.
Even if not that (since OP has not returned, I can't ask) but I wonder if there were any other seats because it could have been that he just wanted to sit down and hoping that she- as a much younger person- would take the hint and get up.
Disagree? Fair enough. Makes a change from the old perv theory. 😁

So, the excuses we've had so far from you for this old creep are:

1. He was drunk
2. He didnt have anywhere to put his coat
3. He doesnt understand body language because he's male
4. He was in a pub so all women are fair game and women shouldnt go to pubs if they dont want men sleazing over them
5. Halo effect phenomenon (which you applied incorrectly and didnt understand fully)
6. OP was in his seat
7. He might be a silver fox and lots of women want to date men old enough to be their grandad

What absolute garbage 😂

Then he is surely old enough to just sit somewhere else until OP left. I highly doubt his name was on the seat.

OP said there were plenty of lone men and groups he could have talked to and that she is a regular there.

The excuses made for people who could just leave others alone in a public place especially when they have been given about every sign to be left alone is ridiculous.

The type of behaviour from such men is why women have chosen to stop being polite because regardless how we tell men to leave us be, it is somehow our fault and not theirs and xyz reasons why they should get the benefit of the doubt when all they have to do is leave strangers alone.

Women rarely do this to each other ime, yet women should put up with such behaviour from men when men themselves wouldn’t put up with it from other men in most cases.

His actions with the coat made him even more rude and I would have moved his coat to another seat further away and sat back down and continued watching the game.

Maybe he was a ghost. Seems implausible but you never know eh?

haha! excuse number 8 coming up 😂

Can they take their coats off?

Nope not all of those are mine. I would, however, like to add that aliens from the planet Zog temporarily overtook his mind via remote control to my own personal list.

I think No. 2 was from one of the first male-apologist pretzellers in the thread - I remember they said something like men are simple creatures, so they can't see body language. Poor amoeba men, so limited that they are unable to find their way through a pub without accidentally sleazing on someone who is coincidentally a young woman and not a bearded big-bellied bald bloke.

But I have a replacement for No. 2: OP herself was drunk, so her recollection of being slimed on was wrong. That was from a few pages back 😂

Well the point is that alcohol alters people's perceptions. That's an inarguable fact. The drink she had could have been a double Scotch.

Look I don't know what that guy's intentions were that night, and nor does anyone else here.
I'm just not quick to assume he's an old lech that's all.

Talking about pubs, this thread is now like people standing around a pub bar well after everybody else has gone home.

Time I went home.

And just like a real life pub at the end of the night “Thank fuck he’s finally gone!”

Hear hear. I agree with every word.

Maybe he thought you looked kind.

That’s no excuse. He wasn’t being kind going to & talking to a woman on her own who clearly wasn’t interested.

There must have been loads of men he could have gone & talked to if he wanted company.

Not unreasonable. It's really gross imo the way old men think they are appealing to young women. I'm an old woman, and I can't imagine approaching a 30 something year old man (with sex on the brain, which of course, he did have in mind, as there were men available to chat with)

A half smile is encouragement. Creeps like this take a half smile and run with it. Women need to be free to tell assholes to FO. Sometimes their lives depend on it. What he was doing was already over the top aggressive imo.

Why didn’t you just say that you didn’t wish to be rude but you are watching the match. Just ignoring someone is ignorant and doesn’t draw a boundary.

Read all of her posts. She did. He put his coat on the back of HER chair, not an empty chair and stood behind her. Finally, he took the hint and left, he obviously wasn't there to watch the rugby otherwise he would have stayed and watched it.

He was a leery old man twice her age and gave her the creeps. Why on earth should she tolerate that.

@Trillie

"He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match."

He was clearly thinking he had a chance, who asks the name of a clearly uninterested woman half the man's age. A creep.