Do you give mothers day card to your mother in law?

[Bettyboops1]

Just curious. There was a post on here the other day where OP did not know if she would give her MIL a mothers day card after MIL cut her off. The reply’s seemed to be more focused on peoples astonishment that OP gave her MIL a mothers day card in the first place, and wondering why her children gave their grandmother a mothers day card. I personally give every year, she is DH mum , and I encourage my DC to write a mothers day card to their grandma plus a gift from myself and DH and a gift from the children. I thought this was really normal, but reading the post the other day it is apparently scoffed upon and wife work nonsense? Thoughts? Whats the norm?

I’ve always viewed Mother’s Day as a day for celebrating Mothers, not just “my” Mum. By brother sends me and my sister flowers every year.

I get cards for my mum and mil and also get cards from the kids and flowers. We love both of them and they are the best grandparents to our kids and helped us out loads over the years, they are very much appreciated

I think this is the nub of a lot of the differences of opinion / approach on here.

Some see Mother’s Day as a celebration of all mothers, maybe a bit like international women’s day. All mothers you know can be celebrated and treated on that day for their status as a mother.

Others see Mother’s Day as a day where people specifically celebrate and treat their own mother - thanking her for being a mother to them.

It’s a very different approach - with the former, it makes sense to send presents, cards etc to the mothers in your family. It’s all about making sure the mothers are acknowledged. With the second, it’s very much about the personal relationship of the child to their mother. So it’s more hurtful or neglectful for the actual child to be hands off here.

So does your DH do anything for mother's day at all? Does he maybe instead sort all the father's day card and gifts for both sides? I think it makes sense for dad to sort mother's day with younger kids because he'll hopefully be sorting your card and gift on behalf of the kids so can also do the mums/grandparents and vice versa for father's day.

Absolutely i do. I love her to bits.

Yes he has flowers delivered to her every year and we take her out for meal. I buy the cards because I’m grabbing them anyway while I’m shopping. He takes the kids out to get me cards and gifts. He doesn’t get them on their behalf

No, that's DH's job. Although if dh died before MIL I probably would.

I actually don’t think that’s the root of it, most of the time it’s just women who have husbands who can’t be arsed to do anything. Even pick a card up for their own mother.
Very rarely is it actually a man getting gifts because it’s a day for mothers.

Indeed even OP’s husband (apparently a great bloke) cannot bring himself to pick up two cards in a shop due to his upbringing

But WHY have their husbands not arranged anything for them? Because their husbands have been raised to think this stuff is women's work.

I think that it’s fine for grandchildren to send their grandmother (aunt or other female) a MD card if they do a lot of mothering. My MIL did not so it never crossed our minds to send her a card from her grandchildren. Ex sends her a card and flowers as she mothered him while growing up. She did not mother me so I never send her a MD card.

It's never something I've thought as "my job" or "my husbands job". Usually we'll remember it's mother's day soon and whoever is closest to the shop that day gets the cards for both mums. My husband then gets a mothers day card for me from the kids.

As both our parents get on and I adore my MIL, we always do a joint mothers day together usually a meal out somewhere. It's always a lovely day and thankfully nothing like the drama or stress that seems to happen on here about who's doing what!

Ah yes, that too. Women stepping in to pick up the pieces and take on what their DP’s should be doing too.

Why would I? She’s not my mother (and has four kids if her own). I have enough to deal with without adding my DH’s family to my responsibilities. Surely your DH gives her a card and present? Why are you doing that for him?

I find this quute a tiring way of thinking though, the whole wife work label. Husband works 7 days a week he rarley has the time to scratch his own arse. I work 3 days a week so why wouldnt we share the load? Why on earth would i expect him to work 7 days a week and moan about him not picking a card up for his mother when ive literally got the time to go? Its called sharing the load. I also do the cooking and cleaning, is this also a crime?

Why on earth would i not? Why is doing something on behalf of your husband who doesn’t have the time such a crime? He dies things for me, i do things for him?

The differences between the two forums I’ve posted on really is fascinating though.

Because he's going anyway to get you a card from the DC? It's not extra effort for him?

Nope, she’s perfectly okay, but she’s not my mum. Dh gives her a card and organises anything from the dc.

No, wouldn’t consider it. It’s all a commercial hoo-ha anyway, created by hallmark! Mothering Sunday was traditionally a day given off to the servants so they could attend their “Mother Church” where they grew up, not a celebration of your actual parent.

But he knows i do it and happy to do it and have done since mum died, so thats that bit sorted, he knows she will have a card. He knows I will not have a card if he doesnt gwt me one from the kids because they are still small 🤷🏻‍♀️

My ex literally ordered flowers with a few clicks of his phone.

If we lived in the days of him having to physically go to a florist then you might have a point but doesn’t he ever order gifts or other stuff? Are you one of the wives here who has to order her own gifts or does he subcontract it to another woman like his mum or sister?

He is in a card shop buying your card though. If he is so time poor then efficiency would seem important.

Believe it or not he is not tech savvy, hes a farmer so has to be for paper work etc and is getting better, and yes DH asks what I want for birthday/xmas I show him, he says ok, gives me his card and says order it then if you like it, is that ok with you? Because it certainly is with me. Or when we go somewhere together (which is extremely rare) somewhere like a winter show or county show he might say something like, what do you like for your birthday whilst we are here? Lets have a walk around the stalls and he will buy what i fancy there. Why is wife work stuff made out to be the crime of the century?

No and never have. He wouldn’t for mine either.

I might give him a nudge but it’s not my job and he’s just as able to remember.

I’ve never been willing to take on the life admin in that way. He sorts his people and I sort mine.