Do you give mothers day card to your mother in law?

[Bettyboops1]

Just curious. There was a post on here the other day where OP did not know if she would give her MIL a mothers day card after MIL cut her off. The reply’s seemed to be more focused on peoples astonishment that OP gave her MIL a mothers day card in the first place, and wondering why her children gave their grandmother a mothers day card. I personally give every year, she is DH mum , and I encourage my DC to write a mothers day card to their grandma plus a gift from myself and DH and a gift from the children. I thought this was really normal, but reading the post the other day it is apparently scoffed upon and wife work nonsense? Thoughts? Whats the norm?

Hilarious.

But she’s not my mother is literally what it comes down to.
Does your DH sort flowers and a card for your mother?
MIL has her own children to acknowledge Mother’s Day for her, as I have my own mother.

And your point about your name going on the card isn’t the same situation as it defaulting to the wife’s job to acknowledge their husband’s family on his behalf.

No DH doesn’t sort flowers for my mother, but my mother has never sent him a birthday card or gift in the whole time we’ve been married. I, also, don’t work, whereas he does, and for 28yrs of our marriage he was in the armed forces so wasn’t always here to sort Mother’s Day, birthday, or Christmas gifts for his, although I count them as our, family.

But you’re teaching him that it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to leave all the ‘wife work’ to the woman. I think you need to tell your husband he’s not being a good role model to your son.

I don’t find any of the things you listed “astonishing” but they’re not things we do. Mother’s Day is for mums for us, not grandmas. And we each organise for our own mums.

Surely though the same argument could be made for him picking up a card for your mum whilst he's getting a card for his mum.

It’s not so much “she’s not my mother” - more that “she is HIS mother” and the point of the day is about children acknowledging their mothers, not just mothers being treated and made a fuss of in general. It’s more that her DH isn’t doing anything to recognise his mum on Mother’s Day. It’s lovely to love and look after your MIL - I absolutely do for mine - but it feels like a shame for the son to have outsourced the specific day that is about children recognising their mothers.

There’s always more nuance here. I see you said in a later post you’ve always led on this as your DH was off on deployment. That seems fair enough - if he literally can’t do it, yes of course step in on his behalf. And it was good that the OP explained that her DH does a lot for his mum at other times. And I’d love in the future to have lovely caring DILs - but not if it meant my son didn’t bother himself.

No. I love my MIL and I sometimes send her cards at random times of the year, if I see one that's to do with something she collects, but I don't send her a mothers' day card. DH sends her one and I leave it entirely up to him if he wants to include my name in the sign off.

Oh don’t be so silly, he is an excellent role model to our son just because i am happy to do jobs such as cards and hes happy to do his jobs does not make him a poor role model, he is a good good man. Look out the posts on here come mothers day with mumsneters complaining their husbands have not arranged anything for them for mothers day or complaining that their MIL’s have ruined their mothers day, I thankfully will not be one of those women. And MIL will also not feel unloved.

The card to DM and MIL are from both DH and me.

Yes this is what im talking about, its from the both of us, sorry i thought that was clear. Yes just signed from me and not my husband would be really weird, its signed from both if us.

Yes card to MIL is from both of us

I still think that's weird. DH has never handed me his card to MIL and asked me to sign it nor me with my card to my mum. Never crossed either of our minds to do so.

Nope never ever would I. She’s not my mother.

I also don’t buy Mother’s Day cards for aunties or grannies.

Dh’s job to get cards and gifts to his mum.

Just because greeting cards manufacturers have come up with another way to make money doesn’t mean we have to do as they want.

It’s Mothering Sunday. Not grand Mothering Sunday.

And Im glad that works for you and you are both happy with that :)

But im not doing what they want, im doing what we’ve always done and doing what lots of people around us do. I also make sure that both my grandmothers have flowers on their graves for mothers day,

Here's an interesting article about the origins of Mothering Sunday. https://www.collierdobson.com/blogs/news/a-brief-history-of-mothers-day-or-mothering-sunday

Personally I'd never have dreamt of sending a card to my witch of an ex MIL but each to their own 😂

So you're happy to accept "wife work" role and go out specifically to buy a card for his mother, whereas he - who is already out to buy a card for you with his son - wouldn't buy his own mother a card and leaves it for you to sort out?

Bonkers. And inefficient.

I have seen Mother's Day cards for grandmothers. I assumed they were for those who live with or are raised by their grans, like my niece.

When my mum was alive I'd order the same flowers for both mum and MIL. This is because I knew which flowers my mum liked and I wanted her to have an arrangement she'd enjoy. As I was doing it anyway it was no hardship to order a second one for MIL.

After mum died I was no longer doing Mother's Day shopping so it's down to DP to sort his mum out.

Mother's Day is supposed to be about children showing love and appreciate to their mothers.
It's not yet another job to lumber wives with.

I treated my parents and my in laws exactly the same. I saw them as absolutely as important as my own parents. We had every Mother’s Day, Christmas etc all together as a family until one by one they all got old and died. It was a lovely family and we all looked after each other. Miss them all very much.

yes :) the stark contrast between my post on the welsh forum and this one is so interesting as well, most women on there “yes of course I do why on earth wouldn’t I-from the both of us?” Most on here “no of course not why on earth would I?”

I love this :) having a loving family and treating all the same seems to be labelled as bonkers :)

also its not a job if you dont mind doing it :)

We genuinely all were the same family. Married for well over 30 years by the time the last one died. When we were on holiday and my mum was in hospital it was mother in law who was with her every day til we could get back. We supported each other.

Husband gets his mum a card and gifts. I did get her one from our baby and a little gift. As it will make her happy!