Do you give mothers day card to your mother in law?

[Bettyboops1]

Just curious. There was a post on here the other day where OP did not know if she would give her MIL a mothers day card after MIL cut her off. The reply’s seemed to be more focused on peoples astonishment that OP gave her MIL a mothers day card in the first place, and wondering why her children gave their grandmother a mothers day card. I personally give every year, she is DH mum , and I encourage my DC to write a mothers day card to their grandma plus a gift from myself and DH and a gift from the children. I thought this was really normal, but reading the post the other day it is apparently scoffed upon and wife work nonsense? Thoughts? Whats the norm?

I buy one when I get my Mums, but DH has to write it, she’s not my mum so it doesn’t feel right for me. I also sign my Mums card just from me 😆

I DETEST buying FIL a Fathers Day card because my own Dad died when I was a baby, so I don’t want to buy someone else a card. Plus, he gives me the creeps so that one’s totally down to DH.

DH has been NC with his parents since years before we met, but if we had contact I would probably remind him to do it and possibly just grab one when I got one for my own Mum.

I don’t, but I wouldn’t give her oxygen either. Tbf, very early on in our relationship I resigned from being the family’s brain. I handed the reins back to him to do his own family bdays, Xmas and other celebrations. (I adore BIL & SIL, so explained why and they get it.) The first Christmas he said that he “noticed” that there wasn’t a present wrapped for his mum. I explained that we had had that conversation months ago. He said that he didn’t have time to buy anything and asked if I would do that. I asked him him why he thought that I had any more time to buy presents than he did, so no. I asked him how much input and effort he had put into buying presents for our own kids or for me, knowing the answer was none at all, so I told him that if he wanted me to stick around then that had better change right now.

My mum has died. I have never bought MIL a Mother’s Day card and I make sure DH only writes his own name in it to her, not mine or our DC. She is his mother, no one else’s.

My mil is a legend and when the kids give her presents I’ll say happy Mother’s Day but no have never given a card. They do sell mil ones which I think is fair and not wife work, Just that your mil has been motherly towards you

DH got his Mum a card from him when she was alive..signed by just him.

I get a card for my Mum...signed by just me.

DS gets a card for me (with DH's help)...signed by just him.

Recognising grandmas is an extension of Mother's Day I think and not something I buy into. If people want to, that's fine.

We were/are both fond of each other's Mums but we aren't the sort of couple that come as a pair in terms of writing cards in a situation that doesn't really apply (IMO).

We each get our own mum a card. I only sign my mum's card and DH only signs his mum's card. We do not start adding in the children's names - it is mother's day, not grandmothers day and MIL rarely sees the children so I don't see she should be getting a card saying best grandma.

If you go down the route of shops sell these cards specially to grandmother's then there is also the argument that the cat should be getting a card for the 'worlds best cat mum' or someone should help get one 'from the dog'. Card companies cash in as much as they can.

💯

Couldn't agree more!

Thank you all for your replies lots of mixed answers!

I have never noticed cards for grandmothers in shops for mother's day and if I did notice them I'd just put it down to card shops trying to invent yet another way for forcing ridiculous consumerism upon us.

No it has never occurred to me to buy a card for my MIL or for DC to send a card to either of their grandmothers and I think it's bizarre to do either.

No, never have, she’s not my mother.

DH was away a lot in the early days of our marriage so I did both sets of parents on any sort of occasion. Then we bought them together when we were out and now, as my mum has passed away, he sorts his mum. If he pre-deceased me, I'd send her a card. I'd send her a Christmas and birthday card as well.

Of course not. She’s not my mother!

Agree totally

Let's not infantilise our husbands. If they want to send cards, they're perfectly capable

I buy it for my husband but don’t put my name in. I also get her a nan one from our child.

No. She is not my mother.

I haven't - but then my MIL hasn't ever done anything even vaguely motherly towards me, so it would be rather odd.

I do get a card for MIL because if I am at the shops buying for my DM then I just pick one up for MIL at the same time. However DH writes the card to his DM as it is from him.

He would think it a bit mean if I did not do this if I am already at the shop. I also do it as I like my MIL, she is very thoughtful with cards and presents so I don’t mind.

One of her sons doesn’t bother which I know she is a tad disappointed about (but would never say). He doesn’t even buy her a Birthday card.

I think on the whole men just don’t care about these things (or their DMs it seems).

I buy 2 Mother’s Day cards, one for my Mum and one I give to DH to write from both of us (he wouldn’t have consistently done a card before me).
We don’t do a card from grandchildren. The school has a grandparents day church service and DHs parents go and they have tea and biscuits and cards after.

I buy a card for my mum , DH buys a card for his. DH helps DS choose something for me for mothers' day, I help DS choose something for DH for fathers' day. When DS is older I would expect him to do it himself, when he is an adult I would be horrified and upset if it was his wife doing it not him. Surely the gesture of love and thanks should come from the person you raised?

I also don't think mothers day is for grandchildren/grandmothers unless the grandmother has raised the child as a mother would.

I would think it’s the Mother’s child’s responsibility, be they a woman or a man? I have 3 sons who get me cards with their wives. I expect their wives to get their Mums cards from them and their husbands. Anything else is just odd.

I could understand you picking up a card for his mum when you are getting one for your mum but you're not, you need to make a special trip to get HIS mum a card when he's in the shop anyway get your card.

I have a fabulous mother-in-law and father-in-law and I ensure their SON buys them cards and gifts. My own dad died. I have no need to buy a father's Day card so don't. The same way you have no need to buy a mother's Day card.

My DC are old enough to choose their own card for my DH but when they were younger they'd come shopping with me and pick and I'd pay.

What would your DH say if you said 'husband, when you get my card/gift this week for mother's day please grab something for your mum too'

he shows his own children the importance of buying their mother a card and a gift and a meal, which he does oh so willingly.

I just don’t understand why having obviously overcome “the way he was brought up” to be able to see the importance of this that he doesn’t also now realise he should be doing the same with his own mum. Even if he does know you usually buy his mum a card OP, he could say “no, I think it’s important I do it.”

I hate all this “she’s not my mother” bollocks when it comes to MILs. I’m not her daughter, but she’s still gone out of her way to choose lovely cards and gifts for me for over 30yrs. She’s put herself out for our family, she can’t now because she’s ailing, so picking out a Mothers Day card, or some flowers, and having my name written in it is no problem for me.

And now you're ensuring that your DH never has to think of it. Yes, it's wifework nonsense. Trust me, your kids notice - or if they don't yet, they will. They absorb the message that showing basic consideration for others is just for women very early on. Why don't you tell your DH that this will be the last year you buy his mother a card, and then leave him to it? Or do you want this to carry on into the next generation? Men saying they're "hopeless" at, you know, thinking about someone other than themselves occasionally (as if it were some kind of skill requiring training and practice, as opposed to just stopping off at a newsagent), and women just accepting it? They "don't think" about this stuff if women allow them not to. They seem to manage to think about and remember the stuff that matters to them. Stop perpetuating this.