Do you give mothers day card to your mother in law?

[Bettyboops1]

Just curious. There was a post on here the other day where OP did not know if she would give her MIL a mothers day card after MIL cut her off. The reply’s seemed to be more focused on peoples astonishment that OP gave her MIL a mothers day card in the first place, and wondering why her children gave their grandmother a mothers day card. I personally give every year, she is DH mum , and I encourage my DC to write a mothers day card to their grandma plus a gift from myself and DH and a gift from the children. I thought this was really normal, but reading the post the other day it is apparently scoffed upon and wife work nonsense? Thoughts? Whats the norm?

I dont think DH has ever bought her a mothers day card 😅

I get Mother’s Day cards and flowers for my mum and MIL. In fact they’re both addressed to ‘Granny’ now. DH gets me something from the kids. We have different ‘jobs’ in the relationship. I’m ok with doing cards.

She's dead now (died over 2 decade ago,) but no, never.

She's not my mum!

However, if my DH (her son) had died before her, then of course I would have sent her a card and some flowers on Mother's Day. My own mum would have had to have taken priority though. I would have tried to see my MIL before or after I saw my own mum (on Mothers Day,) OR I would have seen her the day before.

This is what we did. But we don't have grandkids yet.

No, that’s DP’s responsibility. I don’t buy or wrap Christmas or birthday presents for his family either.

No because she’s a shit mum and mil lol but I used to get one for my ex partners parents, who were incredible and always played such a parental part in my life

It's mother's not grandmother's day. If you choose to send a card to youi mil that's up to you, but it's not traditional or standard. My now ex mil was upset that I didn't send her a card from DD but a) she wasn't her mum and b) she wasn't mine either.

I totally get that there are circumstances in which it is nice/appropriate to send a card to someone who is not your mother but I’ve surprised myself with how strongly I feel that women shouldn’t end up doing this by default because their partners are too lazy to take a minute to buy/send a card. What kind of message does that send, especially if you have kids? It’s okay to be thoughtless if you’re a boy because a woman will come along and some point and fix it for you? My DS is only 6 so we’re a long way off this situation but I think I’d rather receive nothing than receive something from a (hypothetical) DIL because my own child couldn’t be arsed.

I chose my mum's, dh chose his and our youngest chose mine. Had I been out by myself I would have picked up one for both mums. Dh would do the same. Both mums are kind, caring women who are respectful of us and vice versa. We sign the card from both of us. The kids also make and write cards for their nan and gran and my mil keeps them.

The OP said mother-in-law though. But yeah, it's not mother-in-law's day either!

This is true and I am teaching my DS this because I dont want him to be the type of husband DH can be at times 😅 I give to my MIL because she is my MIL and my own mother is gone

I agree. ^

Why doesn't your DH buy his mum a card when he's buying you a card with your DC? That's the best way to teach your DS.

This. If I'm in the shops, I might pick one up for her, but that's very rare and DH would still sign it from both of us. I really wouldn't like to sign it myself.

I did cards for my parents from DS because they often cared for him and it was a nice thing to do. Didn't do it for in laws though as different relationship.

why can’t your DH buy a card. Is he too special for that kind of thing?

My mother in law gets one from me, one from my wife and a nanna one from the dog 🤣 but only because she's the most amazing mother in law in the world. My own mum just gets one from me as we're not close and she would just be non plussed about anyone else getting her one. (Were both women)

Absolutely not. Horrid woman.

The best way to show him is for DH to lead by example and do it instead of you.

I think it's bizarre to give a card to your MIL. My husband gave a card to his mother but it was from him not him and me. I give a card to my mother from just me. My DIL is a wonderful woman and I love her but I would think it very strange if she gave me a card. My son gives me a card and present just from him. He does not give or sign a card to his MIL, because she's his wife's mother.

As for grandchildren giving cards on mother's day to their grandma, that's bonkers too. It has never occurred to me that children would give cards to anyone other than their own mother.

I send my mum a card and present for me. DH sends his mum a card and present from him. Dc give me a card and present. We don't send to grandmothers.

See this is so strange to me 😅 do you not see the different cards for grandmothers in the shops etc? How can it therefore not occur to you that it happens?

He buys me a mothers day card and gift eith the children, which is more than his own father ever did which explains alot :) (FIL very old fashioned, traditional etc)

No. My DM died the year before I met DH, so for many years I didn’t want anything to do with Mother’s Day as it was too painful. MIL is in another country anyway, and they celebrate it on a different date and I never know when that is. DH doesn’t bother. I don’t think MIL is fussed.

Obviously it’s fine to do what you like. I send my mum a card and DP sends one to MIL. I love MIL and DP loves my mum, but we both view Mother’s Day as an occasion where you give a card and a gift to your own mum.

I don’t really understand sending a card to a grandmother on Mother’s Day, unless she was the person who actually brought you up and therefore the mother figure in your life. I don’t think I know anyone who does that. But of course it’s totally up to you; there’s no law that dictates who you can and can’t send a card to, and it’s nobody’s business but yours.

Has he said why he doesn't with his own mum?