Do you give mothers day card to your mother in law?

[Bettyboops1]

Just curious. There was a post on here the other day where OP did not know if she would give her MIL a mothers day card after MIL cut her off. The reply’s seemed to be more focused on peoples astonishment that OP gave her MIL a mothers day card in the first place, and wondering why her children gave their grandmother a mothers day card. I personally give every year, she is DH mum , and I encourage my DC to write a mothers day card to their grandma plus a gift from myself and DH and a gift from the children. I thought this was really normal, but reading the post the other day it is apparently scoffed upon and wife work nonsense? Thoughts? Whats the norm?

He knows that i do it, happy to do it and want to do it in the absence of my own mother

My MIL is dead, so no, but I wouldn't if she was alive either. DH doesn't send one to my mum, and I wouldn't expect him to.

My kids don't send one to my mum either, although they're happy to partake in a meal out if it's offered!

No, my DP sorts that out. Similarly, I arrange my DM’s card and gift etc.

Why doesn’t he want to buy his own mother a card?

I do but then my own mum passed away when I was 24 and she’s been in my life for 20 years now plus she is awesome!

I’ve mentioned a few times now that it probably stems from his own fathers views etc and that his own father never thought of ensuring that she had a card for mothers day.

You are doing so for similar reasons to me :)

Never. My own mum never set any store by it and in fact I didn’t even know until secondary that such a thing existed - Catholics, at Catholic schools, my bros and I knew about Mother Church…..

if I didn’t send my own mum a card why would I send dh’s mum one. He sent her one, if she got one at all.

But he isn’t his father. He could easily choose not to take on such a cold attitude to his own mother. He’d also be setting a better example for his son.

He is not, hence why he shows his own children the importance of buying their mother a card and a gift and a meal, which he does oh so willingly. He knows I sort his mother and its something we are both fine with.

I’ve mentioned a few times now that it probably stems from his own fathers views etc and that his own father never thought of ensuring that she had a card for mothers day

That’s sad, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be great if he fixed this now?

It is i suppose. FIL is not a bad man at all, very old fashioned, traditional, men work women keep house kind of thing, DH i am so glad is not the same

That makes zero sense. His father wasn’t his wife’s child. My father has never given my mother a Mother’s Day card.

No, I leave DH to get the card for his mum and indeed any cards and gifts for his family. When we first got together I thought that he was embarrassingly shit at any presents/ cards etc for his family, especially compared to how thoughtful he could be towards me. So I started sticking my oar in and suggesting/ buying my own ‘more thoughtful’ ideas and they weren’t particularly well received and honestly just caused more stress all round, they seem to prefer his low effort token stuff for birthdays, Christmas etc so I just leave them to it and extend this to Mother’s Day too.

I do encourage DD to make a card for MIL. Cards from children to grandmothers on Mother’s Day is very normal as far as I’m concerned and I remember as much growing up. DH usually remembers and gets DD to do one but if he didn’t that is one I’d pick up and remind them.

My mum is dead and was long before I met DH. My mother in law means really well, and has been good to me in lots of ways but she’s in no way a mother figure to me, I don’t see her in that way at all, and I don’t think she’d want or expect me to.

I buy for my Mum, DH for his. Grandma cards for Mothers Day are bizarre. It's "Mothers" day!

Well no my husband has never given me a mothers day card either but he has made sure he takes our small children to pick one out and a gift and helps them write it….

It was always a pleasure to give my late MIL a card and a gift. She was always there for us and as she was widowed in her 50s, she spent a lot of time with us. She was a good friend and my children absolutely adored her.

Well i think its a pleasure as well and don’t understand some have against it. Interestingly though i have just posted similar on a welsh forum and almost all replies state that grandmothers are always given a card and it is usually on the DIL to get the MIL a card and nobody seems to mind

But don’t you think it’s sad that so many men don’t take the time to buy their own mothers a card?

So why can’t he get one for his mother at the same time?

I suppose it depends on the type of relationship they have in general. DH may not buy his mother a card because I do, but he always helps her, calls in, will pay for a meal etc. my children know that their grandmother get a card from their mum and dad for mothers day, they know that their dad takes them to get a card and gift for me, love felt all around

I lost her 2021. If I could, absolutely I would.

Could be a Welsh thing then, as we are also Welsh!!

Do these men typically get their FIL fathers day cards then? Or is that also left to the wives?

My DH is Welsh, he and his brothers were incredibly close to their nan, and it wouldn’t have occurred to any of them to get her a card. She wasn’t their mum. The grandchildren don’t give cards to MiL either. I’ve just checked with him and he said he’s not aware of any of his friends having given their nans cards when they were alive, or their mothers receiving cards from their grandchildren now either. I concede that it is usually on the DiL to organise that though.

I have a zero tolerance policy for nonsense, so DH buys a card and gift and signs it from both of us to his mum, and to his dad on Father’s Day, as well as birthdays and Christmas. I do the same for my mum.