To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

I’m not taking the piss - I do believe that spending so much money on an animal’s treatment so you can’t now afford driving lessons (it would have had to be a lot) is a stupid way to assign your spending.

It's a long time since I was 17 but in those days you tended to get x number of driving lessons for your 17th birthday and after that you had to fund them yourself. I'm amazed at everyone paying for all their DC's lessons and then even more amazed that so many people then buy a car gor their DC. In my dad you borrowed your parent's car.

I also wonder how many actually NEED a car and license to go to uni with but that's a different discussion.

Well you (as well as the rest of us) have no idea of how much the treatment was, what the treatment was, the age of the pet or even what the pet is. The pet may only be young so why would a caring owner not pay for the treatment? Also vet fees are pretty expensive so the treatment could have been pretty much anything.

Also it is not your business what OP spend HER money on (thankfully). If OP had posted that she was thinking of having her young pet pts just so her daughter could have driving lessons you may have thought that ok but, I can assure you, by far the majority of posters would not.

Teaching a child that pets are disposable and that you would kill them at the drop of a hat is hardly good is it? Teaching a spoilt child that they don't get everything they want immediately in life is a valuable lesson

Also it is not your business what OP spend HER money on (thankfully). If OP had posted that she was thinking of having her young pet pts just so her daughter could have driving lessons you may have thought that ok but, I can assure you, by far the majority of posters would not.

Except she made it our business by asking if she was being unreasonable - I think she is.

You are right - we don’t know how much it was but we do know she it has stopped her affording why she promised which means one of two things:

1. She is spending an insane amount of money on this pet that is disproportionate and causing financial difficulty (a stupid thing to do)
2. It was an inexpensive vet bill but the fact she can’t now afford the lessons means that she was living too close to the wire and can’t really afford a pet, and probably couldn’t have afforded the lessons anyway - so she shouldn’t have promised or should have factored it in to her budget better.

Based on your username I assume you have far too much investment in your own pet.

My DC can be a bit selfish with some things, but I know they'd be very hurt if I thought they'd be on board if I prioritised their driving over the pet getting better. Like I didnt know them at all type thing. It just wouldn't enter their mind to expect me to not sort the pet out first.

She shouldn’t be swearing at you but I’d be upset if anyone put pet bills before me.

I'm not surprised she told you to fuck off! You've promised her yours pay for driving lessons and tests which could be £1000's and now you're telling her you aren't!
You're meant to do everything for her you're her mother FGS!

Are you the daughter? 😂

You'd be upset if someone saved the life of their beloved pet over paying for your driving lessons?

That says a lot about you, and none of it good.

No doubt despite the fact she's saving for uni she'll still be expecting you to contribute once she's there.

You've given her a lump sum. She's working. She's living at home and not contributing to the household bills. She's just told you to fuck off, so despite having everything done for her, she doesn't respect you.

I'd be saying, welcome to the real world sweetheart. This is your lesson in learning how to budget.

Ive had a bit of doubt recently over how ive brought my DC up, nothing major just school motivation type stuff and laziness. But some of these posts are making me realise Ive got the stuff i think will get them far in life anyway - kindness, compassion, understanding of others predicaments etc. bang on

Feel like waking them up and giving them a massive impromptu hug just for being awesome 😃

She's a working aged adult who needs to stop acting like a princess. Doing everything for your kids does not help them long term.

My mum paid for 10 lessons for my birthday since you have given her a lump sum already she can use that to pay for it

It shows that she has her priorities in order and doesn’t continue to funnel money into preserving the life of an animal ahead of her fiscal security

No, it shows she has no regard for life and would rather continue to enable her daughter to be a spoilt brat.

I'm genuinely shocked that so many people would actually be okay with an animal being put to sleep just so they could have their driving lessons funded.

If my parents even suggested the dog/cat being put to sleep to pay for my driving lessons I would be heartbroken. If they went through with it, I'd likely never have forgiven them.

My dc were both still in school when they did their lessons so we paid. But as they had part time jobs, they paid for their provisional licences and for the theory test. My dd is now also on a gap year, working lots of hours and earning a really good wage. As she is saving for uni, we aren't charging her rent or bills etc but she does have to pay for any work to her car and petrol etc. I also expect her to pay her insurance when it is due for renewal as we paid the first year and bought her car. In your case op, if you are struggling a bit financially and your dd has plenty of money, then I would totally expect her to at least contribute towards learning to drive.

She shouldn’t be swearing at you.

Can you split the cost- half each and you pay for first test? The issue is you said you would then changed your mind.

She didn't change her mind for fun though, she can't afford to pay anymore.

Serious question, why are so many parents happy to raise their kids as spoilt brats?

It's baffling isn't it? There are numerous posts on here saying OP must pay for everything as she's the mother, or that parenting doesn't stop when your child reaches 18, as if that somehow means that you have to pay for them forever.

I don't get it. I came from well-off parents but I was still expected to pay rent and fund my own choices - including my own car and lessons.

Sucks to be you I guess

Yeah, it's really awful being a self-sufficient adult who doesn't depend on mummy and daddy to fund my every desire

@Prancingpickle

”You're meant to do everything for her you're her mother FGS!”

This is an insane take. My mother is not meant to do everything for me. Adults are supposed to be independent, unless absolute emergency. Which learning to drive, is not.

Well another selfish entitled person. There are some horrible people here