To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

It is not selfish to not spend thousands preserving the life of a pet. They are not people. They have no concept of life and death.

So would it be ok if OP had to replace her boiler or her car meaning spoilt brat could not have lessons? Personally I would rather be without heating than my dog.

You may think I am too invested in my dog but it was MY choice to have him and MY job to look after him and give him the best life possible. I certainly would not be having him pts for a ridiculous reason

It was tongue in cheek… the DD should be grateful for everything her parents do for her. She shouldn’t be swearing at her mother. Ever.

Yep, id honestly wonder where I went wrong if my DC acted like this 😟

Again, you do NOT know how much OP spent. You do NOT know the age of the pet or the treatment needed. It could be a very young animal and the treatment for something not that serious or life threatening.

As I said before, vet's fees are often ridiculously high. It cost us close to £2,000 just to have a cyst removed from a young healthy dog

People aren't saying that. They're saying it's selfish to expect a pet to be put to sleep (when it can be treated) just to fund driving lessons.

Firsttimemum can't even begin to understand why you would post all this. Sort it out between yourselves like any other disagreement you have no doubt had.

You dont understand why someone would come on a parenting site to post something to do with parenting and want opinions on it?

I paid for or 10 lessons for both my boys but they were both still in school! They funded the rest with money their gran left them and wages from part time jobs. However the cost was nothing like it is now. If she has a good wage then she should use her birthday money and her wages especially as it sounds like its fun money

That's right. What's it got to do with anyone else? Make your own decisions.

You re so right, paying for a spoiled brats driving lessons is much more important than the physical wellbeing of a family pet who you are fully responsible for the care of.

What a dick

Why oh why do people think it’s good parenting to do everything for their children instead of giving them a good grasp of the basic chores of a house and that people who are old enough and live there contribute? I know that’s not the question asked but am always astounded by this.

Wow you truly are a horrible human being

Yep, life or death of a beloved pet counts for nothing if an entitled teen wants her driving licence/ lessons now and cant wait !!!

Reminds me of Violet Elizabeth Bott. Google her. Fictional character no one took seriously. Yet now these creatures actually exist. WTF. I want to step off this upside down world.....

🎣 1/10 I think you've overdone it slightly! 🤣🤣🤣

My DS (17) has a job(apprenticeship)and pays lodge ( £100 pm) which just covers his food. He's saving for a car and has booked and is paying for his own
Lessons. He also helps around house. My eldest is (24) also pays lodge (£250pm) paid for his car, lessons etc and is saving for his own home. Again also helps around house
The boys sort the recycling, bins etc.
They do their own laundry
They cook once a week.
And everyone after dinner helps tidy the kitchen, dishes etc. It teaches respect and independence

She should be helping round the house. That has nothing to do with money. That’s just about being a decent human being.

Not in the UK, two now adult children. We payed for both to get their licence. Daughter struggled, so on top of driving with dad she needed rather a lot of lesson. Son is a natural, hardly any lessons, passed the exam the first time. We think helping them to get their licence is part of their education, their schooling, their getting ready for the real world.

My son is almost 18 and is about to take his test in 2 weeks. He works full time and pays board. I reduced the board by about half (it's not a large amount, just a token) whilst he is learning to drive. I have also put many hours into private practice with him in his own car (honestly this has killed me off at times...but it has made a big difference in his confidence so I fake being calm(!!)). Other than that he has funded everything himself: his car, lessons, license, test fees. Plus he saves lots. I think your DD is being very unreasonable. If she works full time she can fund it and still save. If she works only part time then she can contribute half.

I think you need to up your budget. Lessons and sitting tests will be around £2500-£3000. First year insurance could be anywhere between £2500-£5000, then the cost of purchasing a car.

We paid for lessons for DD and DS, about £32 per hour I think. Both passed first time. They bought their own cars and pay for them except for insurance which we pay. DD in uni but commutes, DS college p/t and career job on other days. Both have worked since age 14. Don’t pay rent but both saving for mortgages so happy with that. Neither would dream of swearing at us, they get plenty of privilege but are expected to fund their own lifestyles as they choose, and life could get immeasurably tougher if they forget their good fortune. We live very remotely so our lives became a whole load easier once they were independent and we were happy to fund this step to jolly it along!

If my daughter told me to fuck off I’d stop paying everything for her

Honestly some parents are so shitty/tight for the sake of it

I’m not particularly close to my parents but they paid for my provisional license. It’s tight to make your kids pay for basic things like ID or the ability to start driving when you have the funds. It’s a weird way to try to teach her the value of money.

My parents didn't help pay for lessons, I still can't drive because its too expensive.

Exactly!

Agree with a poster upthread who said it’s a weird way to teach independence when you have the funds. I know someone whose family is extremely wealthy (have a holiday home abroad!) yet her parents couldn’t even put their hands in their pockets to pay for a meal to celebrate her engagement - everyone paid for what they ordered. Tight, mean and unnecessary when you have the funds.