To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

Totally agree, what entitled brats some people are bringing up!
Its not an entitlement and every family is different.
i bought my daughters provisional licence and one lesson (for her 17th birthday!) but she paid the rest from her McDonald’s wage.
With charging no rent I don’t understand why OP or her daughter would think it’s normal practice to pay for everything.

Haha! That might cover the insurance (once she’s passed it rockets!)

Well good for you how do you know what most people do have you done a survey

Good you both apologised - it is nobody's fault that life is expensive lately. Your relationship will benefit from the support you give to your daughter while she is still young!

Nonsense

i thought you unreasonable because of the change of plan but then I read you just gave her 10k! I’d be disappointed in mine if they weren’t more gracious in this situation, and I think 3/4 is more than you should pay, imo.

I am teaching my 17yo myself and paying for 10 lessons and the insurance while he learns (his birthday present) and we went halves on his theory test and will go halves on the practical test. If he needs more professional lessons I will help pay but will expect him to use his savings (he has £500) towards them too. We both want him to pass asap. Idk if we’ll be able to insure him once he’s passed, we’ll cross that bridge then.

You gave your child £10k for her 18th and she still expects you to pay for her driving lessons?!? I really, really hope this is another wind up post but if it isn't, your child has no chance in life. The epitome of spoilt, entitled brat. I would be so embarrassed of her and myself if I was in your (imaginary) shoes.

I do not know where OP and PPs live but in London lessons are £75 each hour and one is supposed to have several hours of professionally taught lessons. I know someone who spent £6000+ on lessons and failed test twice. Not going to throw more money at it. Seems a bit of a racket.

Some people are really harsh. We had an insurance for our cat and as he was old and never had a problem - we stopped the insurance while putting money aside in case of something happened. Well something has happened but didn’t have enough aside. It’s a much loved cat we couldn’t not pay for the surgery he needed.

And don’t worry my dad will contribute to society too. Dh and I always contributed to society and our kids seem to have the same values - it’s all depending if we all carry on being healthy obviously

You know there are such things as Child Trust Funds where parents/grand parents can invest a few thousand £s into savings every year from birth for child for a tax free lump sum when they are 18 years old? So £10,000 is relatively modest especially as stock markets have double over those years.

@tara66 we did what we could - not every teenager is given a lump sum at 18 years old

Please ignore the judgemental comments. You are doing your best and making choices which are right for your family. Others are jealous they cannot afford to give what you have - it's just life.

She's had 10 grand given to her and she still can't pay for her own driving lessons despite working?! 😳

So you gave her £10,000, she has a well paying job, pays no rent, nothing towards food, has her phone paid for, doesn't help in the house and is going to have her driving lessons paid for!!! Good grief

You gave her 10 grand!

And she's having a fit about paying for driving lessons? Telling you to fuck off?

That spoiled one would be finding out real fast. On the bus.

Surprised to read the responses here! My kids are too young to drive but I paid for all my lessons and costs re learning. My parents were generous enough to give me an old car (very old) and Insure me when I was learning. Driving is a massive expense so I think if you are going to do it that you should be self sufficient enough financially to keep up with the costs.

It seems to be the modern way now, many youngsters cannot find or liaise with an instructor let alone pay for lessons, mum has to do it all. I don't know anyone from my generation who had lessons arranged for them and as far as I know apart from cash as a birthday or whatever they paid for the lessons themselves.

It does seem like she has had an awful lot already and I see from the update you have come to an agreement which is your business if you can afford it. The fact you had an unexpected expense with your pet, which in my view does come before driving lessons, should teach her that sometimes life gets in the way of our plans and situations change. That should be a valuable lesson for her.

Wow how life has changed. I wasn’t allowed driving lessons at 17. I was told I was getting some money at 18 and this could be used for whatever I wanted to. It wasn’t a massive amount. Lessons were cheaper then. But I went off to uni and never thought any more about driving. It was after graduation when I got my first teaching job and spent a year getting the bus with all my marking to take home every day that I decided to drive. It also meant I could buy a house slightly out from the city centre which was cheaper - my rented flat was on the city centre near the bus station. I got vouchers for my lessons off family that year for Christmas and then paid the rest until I passed. It only took me about 6 months. My ex DH was even later at driving as he struggled to pass the theory when he was younger and just gave up. When we moved back to my home time and he got a job he realised that the bus home from work was 2 buses and took 2 hours when the drive is only 20 minutes. I used to pick him up too we had a baby and the lay shifts were just too late.

My eldest is 16 and autistic and has no interest in learning to drive. She thinks it will be too stressful and doesn’t trust herself to be in charge of a car. My youngest is 13 and desperate to learn. I’m now a single parent and no idea how I am going to afford lessons or even a car. Grand parents and an aunt have savings for them both since the were born and that might be how it’s afforded but I’m not sure they’ll get money when 17. Aunt has already suggested she might keep it until they’re 21/25 and can be trusted with it sensibly. Grandparent one one side says the can ask for money for big things when needed but they won’t get their passbooks til she dies! Other grandparents no idea as they are ex’s parents so not sure their plan. Their dad won’t ever be able to afford to help out. He can barely pay CM each month at the moment and that is probably below minimum amount but I’ve seen final demand letters at his and he can’t afford a car at the moment!!

As for the OP’s question. If you’d already promised them that you would pay then you should be making this happen. Big bills come in and this is the reason I’ve never promised. I can see why she’s got angry with you. But I don’t like that she told you to F off.

She's going to be disappointed if you said you'd pay and now you say you won't.
She won't need or be able to afford a car at uni, unless you're really rural she can wait til later.
I paid for all of mine but I was like 26.

£10k is not even close to relatively modest. The vast majority of families cannot afford to 'invest a few thousand every year into savings'. But you know that, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to spot the unusually high number of inappropriate posts on here tonight about money.

But that wasn't the point. The OP's daughter has thrown a tantrum because she expected her driving lessons to be paid as well as receiving the £10k. Whether they can or can't afford it is actually irrelevant. Any 18 year old that behaves like the OP's daughter is an entitled, spoilt brat that needs a reality check otherwise she's going to be horribly unprepared for life.

Well dogs/cars/rabbits find it very difficult to get jobs to fund their own healthcare, especially when they're seriously unwell.

I never had any financial input for anything from my parents other than absolute basics like clothing when I lived at home, but as soon as I was 16, I had to get a job because I was expected to pay for everything myself. Yes, I was charged rent, yes it was the 1980's but I had to give my mother £14/wk and give my younger sister £1/wk pocket money too, which meant I had very little left after my bus pass (£6.25/wk), but I paid for my driving lessons, they were £5/hr, but my weekly take home pay was only £28, which left me all of £1.75 for myself, but I felt my driving lessons were far more important than anything else I could have been doing.

£75 for 90 minutes that's expensive. My daughter is having 2 hour lessons a week at £60...l thought that was expensive...How wrong am l...☺️

She is just walking on over you because she can. She sounds very ungrateful, entitled aned demanding. Like a young child, l want, l want, l want.

I wouldn't pay for her driving lessons or licence. Let her find the money.

DS did the same and I paid for some dbd he paid for some lessons. I think I paid for the tests. Unf he didn’t pass so … and then went to uni so he’s got to do it all again when he graduates. If you’ve said you’ll pay, then pay. I didn’t
have a formal agreement w DS. Or you could go halves if she has the money., which is probably what I’ll do w DS when he goes back to it - he does have savings and im hoping he’ll find a job fairly easily even if it’s not a graduate one straight away.