To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

Do you mean the one off fee to get the licence, or the lessons etc?

The lessons and the exams - I’m sorry I’m not British so don’t know all the ramifications

Lessons are around £75 for 1.5 hours round here. Can she afford that? I see it as something for the parents to fund if they can.

I think she’s probably going to be upset about it if you’ve previously told her you will pay for it.

How critical is having a car where you live? Does she urgently need to pass her test? It’s quite expensive.

Most people pay for the lessons and the test, despite what the voting suggests. I paid for both my kids to learn to drive.

It depends on what you have agreed re saving for uni. Lessons and test likely to be several thousand pounds so will impact her uni savings. Personally I think gap year is ideal time to learn if not done it in sixth form.
Are you topping her up to max loan next year or expecting her to earn the top up and save.

My dd is 16 and we are planning on paying for lessons, buy a car and first year of insurance. I’m budgeting on about £5k.

Parents pay around here but we are a reasonably affluent area and rural.

What exactly does DD use her wages on if you are paying for everything? If the answer is fun stuff then yes she should pay. Maybe meet in the middle and pay for her provisional licence and she pays for the lessons?

With mine I refused to pay for either test until they passed that particular test. That meant they paid for any fails and it helped sharpen their minds with the revision.

DS got a grant for all his lessons and his test. It was perfect due to the cost.

That's not really meeting in the middle is it? A provisional license is less than £50 as a one off cost, whereas lessons could easily cost £1k upwards depending how many she needs!

If you insure her in your car and take her out that can help, still have professional lessons but hopefully fewer.

It’s not unreasonable to expect her to pay if you haven’t got the money. Work it out between you.

My DS is currently learning to drive.
Theory test is about £25.

Lessons are about £40 per hour.
On MN you will be told they only need 5 lessons and they will pass no problem, but I would say this is not true generally and allow for 20 or even more lessons depending on what experience she already has and how she takes to it.
They have to pass the theory before they can apply for the actual test, and then there can be 6 months wait in some area for a test date, which will mean some holding lessons with the instructor to keep practice up and keep their place with the instructor.

She may not pass this year with the waiting times as they are even if she is a good driver.

A grant?! Where on earth from? I've never heard of such a thing unless there are disabilities in the mix and even then it's rare.

ILF Scotland. Look it up. Yes, he does have autism.

We also help for uni too. We do everything for her, she doesn’t help around the house, we pay everything for her..I thought this, she could pay for. We just had an argument and she told me to fuck off so I’m quite upset.

It’s not unreasonable to expect her to pay, if you make that clear all along so she can save the money up in advance. And if you plan to mitigate her lack of a licence while she saves up (giving lifts etc).

It is unreasonable to tell her that you’ll pay for it and then suddenly drop it on her that you won’t. Very few people would be happy with a £1k+ bill suddenly being dropped on them. Yes, she should save money anyway as a sensible thing to do, but you have still put her in a bad situation.

It sounds like your finances are pretty stretched. In retrospect it may have been better not to give the lump sum as well as promising driving lessons if you didn't really have a big enough savings buffer . If you can't afford it then just say "Sorry things are a bit tight. Feel free to go ahead and begin with your own money but we aren't able to help out yet".

Oh that makes it all easy then. People who tell you to 'fuck off' get nothing. Stop doing everything for her.

She shouldn't be swearing at you but I'm not surprised she's upset if she'd previously been told you'd pay and now you've changed your minds.

If you said you'd pay and are now going back on that, it's a bit crap and you at least need to apologise and explain about the big bill.

This is especially the case if a) she is working hard and saving up for uni which is presumably why she took a gap year - so it's unanticipated cost for her and b) you chose to live in a rural area where driving is essential, I think in that case parents have more of a duty to pay.

if she’s saving for uni, surely the more she saves the less you have to contribute, so it’s the same either way?

is there a reason she didn’t start learning at 17?

I paid for both mine, lessons and all test costs. It was to my benefit as much as theirs as they started learning at 17, passed about 17.5, and then I was free from taxi duties, school runs, trips to the shop for snacks etc 😂

if she’s planning uni and being sensible in her saving and spending I’d help her out on the driving. It’s bloody expensive and could wipe out her first years uni rent- which then you’d have to help with.

if you’re very skint could you agree she pays now, and you’ll pay the equivalent for her first years uni rent costs?

I think you're going find it'll nowhere near cover lessons, test, car & insurance.

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