DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

Agreed! Debunking only happens by the tech companies and those in thrall to them.

Aye, because no 14 year old has a hint of rebellion against their parent's wishes, do they.

I love how this thread is basically telling the OP how stupid she is for not handing her DD a phone from birth, and now so is the daughter equally stupid of not wanting to be glued to social media when in actual fact we know how harmful excessive phone usage in young people is.

The law classifies under 18s as children. The age of majority in the UK is 18, not 16.

Gosh some people on this thread are desperate to justify their own choices.

OP stick to your guns.

I didn't call either of them stupid. I've been told that I don't need a smartphone by two separate posters when I actually do. There's also the option of buying a basic smartphone and putting parental controls on -you can buy one as cheap as 70 pounds outright and then just pay for data

I actually feel sorry for you and your kids that this is how you view your life. It’s very sad and messed up really.

I don’t want my kids to have access to anything that I have to supervise and control to extreme lengths.
That evidences the danger of them.

Of course they have. Where is this school, Amish country?

Meanwhile in the real world, every teenager I see in the street has a phone, as do all those I know through family and friends.

I suppose all these phoneless teens are probably all locked in their rooms playing Lego or doing crochet.

They certainly shouldn’t be allowed near a TV then. There is infinitely worse content than they would come across on TikTok.

doesnt fit in your pocket though 🙄🙄

Rubbish. Lots of impartial research has shown that the dangers Haidt and his alarmists are peddling to credulous parents are over-egged to say the least.

Parents are looking for simple solutions to the problems facing young people, and are being told banning social media will solve everything.

It is the same with Fartage claiming getting rid of immigrants will make everyone’s lives better.

There is no government consultation on banning smartphones.

Unfortunately they are looking at age restrictions on social media due to a bandwagon being pushed by the media and backbenchers.

Starmer knows it will not work; but is too weak to argue his case.

There were recently videos of a man shooting himself in the face circulating on children’s Tik Tok accounts.

I’ve certainly never seen that on UkGold.

I'm conflicted on this one.

On one hand, I totally respect and admire you as a mother setting a boundary, sticking to it and enforcing this with other people.

On the other hand, at 15, it's not going to be long until your dd is able to have a smartphone. I would start considering working with dd, teaching her best practices and how to navigate the worlds of having a smart phone, and having the Internet and social media at her finger tips safely.

But she does not need the newest model of iPhone to do this and to give that to a teen is an awful idea, also puts her at more risk of theft, attacks etc.

She's going to be an Adult in 3 years!

But she's not an adult now? There's a big difference between 14/15 and 18. I was an entirely different person.

Yes, and no wonder so many young adults lack independence these days when a 15 year old isn’t even allowed a smartphone 😏

As a parent and secondary teacher I applaud you not giving your DD a smart phone. However, when she does get one, I do wonder about her understanding how to use it safely.

Sometimes totally restricting something and then having to allow free rein at a certain age can backfire (I’m thinking about drinking Alcohol really).

I would also wonder about her peers considering her odd if she is the only one without a smart phone at her age.

Peer pressure is obviously not a reason to allow a smart phone though.

For most of humanity 15 years olds didn’t have smart phones and most adults even in their 80s can manage to operate one so her development isn’t being hindered by not having one

there is growing evidence that they are harmful to children and to adults. They can’t drink till they are 18

You think teens don't drink till they are 18?

Yes, YABU.

Yes, because for most of humanity no one else had smart phones and society wasn’t built around them as it is now.

Your last sentence is simply inaccurate. 16 and 17 year olds can have beer or wine in a restaurant and alcohol can be served in a private home from age 5.

Have you ever tried texting on a flip phone? My 90 year old mother-in-law had a flip phone (given to her) and after a while asked us to buy her a cell phone. We said but you have one. She replied "then I want what you have" (a smartphone). Even she didn't like a flip phone.

That is hilarious. Social media and smartphones have helped create the most anxious, hyper sensitive and dependent generation of children and young adults ever.

No, overprotective parenting has. There was a thread on here the other day where everyone was proclaiming how dangerous it would be for a 13 year old to go to town with friends.

Smartphones create opportunities for independence if parents are willing to allow it. DS2 took himself off on the train to see an exhibition in a nearby city when he was 14.

That would’ve been very difficult when I was his age, as I would’ve needed to come across the details by chance in the paper. I would then have required a paper map to work out how to get there.

Many DC are stuck scrolling TikTok as their parents are too scared to let them explore the real world.