DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

i think phones/computers/ Internet have taken away freedom in at least two ways: adults more.aware of kids out alone (risk is not higher, just the perception) and phones/computers give the option for endless entertainment, no need to go out into the dangerous big world (ignoring the dangers of online)

I think being out in the real world gives kids many opportunities to develop personal agency and I think we need more of that and younger than is currently normal.

I’m pretty sure Ryanair are digital passes only these days.

Your gifts sound lovely and thoughtful but managing without a smartphone will be difficult for her as she gets older. It wouldn’t be a terrible idea to introduce one with supervision before too long. Talk to her about it. If she’s genuinely not bothered, fine.

Your sister sounds cracked.

I haven't read this whole thread, but what evidence is there of poor treatment?

A 14yo is a teenager and is also a child.

Teachers in Australia are already saying they the ‘ban’ is pushing teens towards totally unregulated alternatives.

Nope- a young person. A 16 year old can move out (if I were the aunt here, I’d be offering to have her) if they wish.

Your child, your choice, your ads should respect your decision
You are doing what you believe is best for her which is your right as a parent
Well done you

The group you mention is full of cranks and luddites. The ‘Anxious Generation’ has also been debunked my many other academics.

You as the parent have the right to decide if your child gets a smartphone.
no one else.
you’re 100% in the right here

A child (in England, Northern Ireland, Wales and in most contexts Scotland, and according to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child) is anyone under 18. Suggesting the aunt should 'have her' just because her mum didn't buy her an iPhone is idiotic.

Life is geared around smartphones. You dd is missing out. I feel sorry for her.

My dc had smart phones from year 7. They're not addicted.

You do realise there are parental controls.....

I wouldn't say that's the case. A 16 year old is more likely to be called a young person in Scotland at 16 unless there's child protection reasons. You can marry at 16 in Scotland

Or she can be allowed to accept gifts from relatives at a younger age? Or does she have to be 18 for that?

Can OP stop her if she self funds from a part time job?

You might be interested in the government consultation regarding banning smartphones for under 16s. Link attached
https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/growing-up-in-the-online-world-a-national-consultation

DD doesn't even want one.

Lots of young people are waking up and realising that smartphones are far from essential.

I actually often carry a non-digital camera alongside my smartphone...

Please link to this debunking? All research I have seen on the phone generation points in one direction - towards loss of social abilities, increase in anxiety, loss of creativity, loss of concentration, loss of physical activity. AI will speed this trend up nicely, if care isn't taken.

I think we will look back at this period and wonder wtf we were doing to ourselves, let alone our kids.

The idea that 'they will be left behind' if they don't have smartphones is as mad as the same argument on a recent AI thread. What skills are needed to click and scroll, please?

OP, you are a star. You have made your choices and held your own with your DSis. You are a great example for your DD and I wish you both well.

I'm actually a bit shocked at how much you're spending for a 15th birthday! Obviously it's up to you but in our family close relations tend to spend around £20 on birthday presents.

Before video games and cable, TV was going to give everyone square eyes and destroy the art of conversation. Before that, the music being played on the light programme on the radio - especially songs by crooners - was going to rot people’s brains. The crossword craze in the 1920s meant people were becoming addicted to wasting hours of their time on pointless, silly puzzles. Novels were considered to be disastrous for young women’s moral and spiritual development. The introduction of the penny post caused panic amount parents as young people were suddenly able to carry on conversations no-one could chaperone. Plus ça change!

Maybe because she knows her mum's views on them

The OP didn't. Her sister did

She did get her a £350 camera, a £50 music device, various mp3 albums and a £100 gift card!

Yeah I get your point. Be cheaper to buy a refurbished phone

Quite a waste of money really.

Cranks and luddites?! Where I live nearly 90% of our school have signed the pact to delay smartphones till 14+. They can’t all be cranks!