DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

A 16 year old is legally a child. They may have certain rights (live independently), but they are still a child.
My nearly 17 yo is still protected under child safeguarding rules when it comes to football e.g. he is not allowed to get a lift to matches with the manager.
When he got dropped off from a 6th form trip (rather than being taken back to school), I had to meet him off the minibus.
He's a great lump, very mature and independent, but legally still a child for another year.

An aunt is a close relative, not some random off the street.

Personally I believe in the village approach to parenting. That includes intervening when a child is being treated poorly by a controlling parent.

The most inconvenient thing about not having a smartphone is people looking down on you and thinking you are stupid.

I do need it. I need to be able to apply for jobs online because I'm on UC. I also need it to be able to Go to uni tutorials online via Adobe connect and I wouldn't be able to do that without a smart phone.

Not really sure what your point is tbh. Or why you are getting so worked up about it. I do need a smart phone. End of

I know many teenagers who call each other. She is actually keeping her in the real world which believe it or not does not have to involve a screen.

Don't be ridiculous. A parent not giving a 15 yo a smart phone is not poor treatment or controlling. The child doesn't even want a smart phone!

It didn’t specify what social media apps were included.

If 90% of the kids weren’t allowed on Tik Tok, Snap chat, instagram but only allowed to use Pinterest, would you not consider that a huge flaw in the study?

And the fact that it only followed them over the course of one year?

I'd hate to live in your 'village'

Again the accusation of a child being treated poorly by a controlling parent all because the child does not want a smartphone. I wonder what your views are on home education? Are these children also controlled and isolated? Abused and neglected because they do not fit your ideal of a social norm ?

It’s so weird isn’t it - it’s like trying to force feed someone a meal - they have explicitly stated they do not feel like eating.

100% with you OP.
Every day there’s more scientific evidence that smartphones are damaging for children.
My son does not have one either, and like you I got him an MP3 device with an Amazon Music sub, which he loves. If he needs “educational apps” (most of which have very marginal value IMHO) he can access them via his school laptop.
If your DSIS wants to rot her own children’s brains then she should go ahead, but she needs to leave yours alone.

As for the argument from PPs to “give her one now because she’ll be 18 in three years time” - what a lot of rubbish. We have legal rights linked to age for a reason. Some stuff is extra bad for kids because their brains and bodies are still developing.

I think you’re here on a wind up.
I’ve clearly wasted my time interacting with you.

I have never met a teenager who enjoys phone calls. I look after a lot of early 20s graduates and many of them find phone calls really difficult.

Again, these references to ‘rotting brains’ are pathetic, not based on any evidence and simply nonsensical.

its your teen and your choice

Surely diss knew your stance on this previously?

And that is your experience, I have mine, neither should be dismissed

A poster saying that there’s no damage being done to children while also claiming that they are now incapable of having a verbal conversation via the telephone is absolutely hilarious.

Yes- personally I wouldn’t allow home education as it denies DC the chance to develop social skills (and often a proper education too).

It is controlling to ban a 15 year old from having a device that 99% of teens their age have. They cannot socialise properly without it unless they live in an Amish cult or North Korea.

I look after a lot of early 20s graduates and many of them find phone calls really difficult.

Well that says a lot. Our young people are now finding it difficult to hold normal phone conversations.

Thats not something we should be proud of or encouraging.

I'm totally with you OP, and think a lot of the reasons being given for why she should have one are spurious in the extreme. 'But she'll be left behind if she doesn't figure out how to use the technology now!' Rubbish. I didn't have a smartphone until I was about 30 and I seem to manage to use one just fine. 'She'll not be included in social events and lose all her friends'. Well if that does happen she can ask for a smartphone can't she? Given she doesn't want one now we can assume it's not a problem. 'You can supervise everything she does on it to ensure she only uses it for educational purposes'. Yeah right.

Stick to your guns, your sister is being a twat.

I don’t think not liking phone calls has anything to do with smartphones.

You are the mother of Marcus in About a Boy!

Completely agree. In addition to all the other reasons quoted, a new IPhone is well over £1000. Personally, I think that is too much for a child to be carrying around and responsible for. How would DSis and DD feel if she lost it.

Nothing to do with smartphones. Phone calls are antiquated anyway in my view.

DS1 (now 27) grew up when smartphones were first coming out. I never limited his access, as I don’t agree with it.

He is perfectly fine now, and actually still likes lots of physical media. He buys a physical newspaper at the weekend, which not many do now!

You don’t think there is a connection between a rise in contactless communication and the rise in young adults who fear of verbal communication?

Really?