DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

[LuckyJadeMember]

DD14 is not allowed to have a smartphone. She uses a flip phone and has a thinkpad as well and is perfectly fine with it. Her birthday is next Sunday.

She likes to listen to music and the radio, but her phone doesn't have a music player so I bought a fiio music player on amazon, this one. It's 50 quid, and a nice blue colour. I also got her a case and screen protector for it.

I know what bands she listens to, so I went and bought some MP3 albums off bandcamp and amazon music, and put them on the MP3 player, and gave her a £100 bandcamp gift card too so she can buy some more music.

I also got her a nice portable canon as the camera on her phone is a bit naff, this one.

My sister met with me today because she wanted to show me what she got for her. It was an iPhone, the latest model. I said that she's not meant to have one, and that she won't be getting it so it'd be best to return it. It ended up in an argument, and DSis left the house angry. She called me later to yell at me and tell me how cruel I am for not allowing her to have a smartphone, and called me 'awful' and insulted my gifts several times.

AIBU?

I've already explained why I need one. Because I have to be able to apply for jobs online as per DWP rules. Go to uni tutorials online. Not having one would make life more difficult -and cost me mote money

I'm not manipulated into anything

It's a faff, but once you have it it's yours. You'll be the only person with music if the Internet goes down or the power is out.

They've kinda been vindicated have they not?

@LuckyJadeMember I really want to know why your sister cares so much? I can't imagine feeling so incensed that my sister is parenting differently to me! Maybe she sees it as a judgement on her parenting choices?

Personally I would be more than happy to give my 15 year old niece a secret phone if her mother was isolating her from the world.

Not really. Plenty of people cope without and new generations of pared back handsets with limited functionality are appearing on the market in response to growing demand from people who know smartphones are bad news.

teenagers up to 18 are children.

Creepy groomer

I mean - mine are younger but my 12 year old has a dumb phone to ring us when they are finished school (parking issue) - not asked for one but they def know how to use one. I say hold off for as long as you can - I hate how long I spend on my phone.

Thats interesting feature.
Would you mind sharing what phones you use in your family? When I was buying a normal phone a few years back I had trouble finding one that I liked, they all seemed to be clumsy to use and far behind the phones I had back in 2000s.

Your DD most likely has a secret smartphone that someone probably gave to her when they got a new phone / upgrade. You really are being ridiculous and living in cloud cuckoo land if you think she hasn’t.

What’s the real reason for this attitude? You sound very controlling as in it’s your way or no other way in your household. Is your DD afraid to say what she really wants to avoid upsetting you? Saying ‘what you don’t want to hear’ in some controlling households can cause a tense atmosphere for days so children / teenagers quickly ‘learn’ to say the right thing.

Why don’t you trust her? She’s 15 ffs! It says a lot about your character and it’s not something to be proud of…

My older teens feel they had smartphones too early. They say they won’t let their own kids have them until 16.

Where we live we can’t do anything without them, so although we’ve thought about going Nokia, we can’t make it work.

But I completely agree that you’re wise to wait as long as possible.

No they’re not. 16 year olds can live independently if they wish.

Ok great so you think you need one right now. That does not mean every 15 yo in the land needs one does it? Your circumstances apply to you, they are hardly universal.

You are pathetic. This is the level of intellect the Luddite crowd generally exhibit, so it’s not surprising.

She is being ridiculous. And rude. Stick to your guns

She is not isolated from the world. She is just 15, has not expressed a wish for a smart phone. Governments & schools are working hard to protect our teenagers from harmful content.
If I learnt my sister was giving my sons things in secret I would be livid.

There is no evidence here at all tgat her mother is isolating her from the world. You know nothing of the life she leads other than the girl does not want a smartphone at the moment. She has a mobile, can call and text friends a d family, just because it does not come in the form of a smartphone, its a very far stretch to accuse her mother of isolating her from the world.

Oh yes I absolutely agree with you, we maybe just disagree with where the middle ground is.

For me I think a family smartphone that the child can use when needed is more alike to letting a child have a drink with parents once in a while rather than giving them their own device.

You are saying it yourself that you dont NEED the smartphone. You are just choosing to use it. Thats fine, you do what you want. Just use correct words when describing it.

No need for the snippy post. The OP was saying no one needs a smart phone. I said otherwise. I don't think I need one. I do need one.

Teenagers have not called each other since at least the early 2000s. She is isolating her and cutting her off from real life.

Well done OP.

I think your sister is just projecting. When people make alternative decisions from the mainstream - it can sometimes rub people the wrong way.

Your daughter hasn’t even asked for one - it’s as though her aunt wants to pressure into it.

May she long enjoy her scroll-free life!

Adults who encourage children to keep secrets from their parents are sinister

I'm with you OP. I don't have a smartphone either, and never will.

DD17 got one at 16.
DD15 will get one at 16, though reluctantly.