She gets away with doing whatever she wants

[Timbucktutu]

Nice evening, cosy by the fire.
Dd decides she wants to make soup, I tell her we don’t have the ingredients and we can make tomorrow. Dd stubborn and becomes quite single minded when she gets an idea into her head (suspect Nd) so I just leave her to it and try to be patient about the mess that will be made and to just let it go.
Dh goes into the kitchen and sees she’s spilt a jar of cinnamon all over the floor, starts to get angry, Dd saying sorry. He tells her she can’t make all this and can’t get all these ingredients out, comes in to tell me. At this point I don’t see the point of getting angry and he storms out saying that she gets away with doing whatever she wants

Who is being unreasonable here?

And why did the OP say she didn't have the ingredients?

The soup plot thickens.

I suspect this thread will be deleted because 'outing'...

OP why so defensive when 80% disagree with you. Clearly you wanted everyone to agree with you and call your husband a cunt or something. Your post didn't go your way. Your husband's right and you're creating an entitled little girl who doesn't feel the need to understand the word NO. Maybe this isn't the first time he's kicked off he's probably had enough of you coddling your kid and felt that for once in her life she needs consequences for her disregard and disrespect for boundaries

If she was just messing around with ingredients in her 'soup' concoction then I am even more team husband. I can only think what a waste of ingredients if she is just messing around while mum sits cosy by the fire.

Op did you want more posts of the “what a bastard stifling your daughter’s creativity!!” ??

Not really convinced on that one

DH is going to leave you at some point if this is the norm. I would!

This seems like a big deal over nothing to me. I think it's nice that you're trying to say yes more, as long as you're teaching her skills and consequences. They're only little once!

It wasn't even real soup?

WTF

You're letting an 8yo waste food to make potions (or you're chatting shite).

It wasn't even real soup?

WTF

You're letting an 8yo waste food to make potions (or you're chatting shite).

Haven't you taken in anything that posters have pointed out to you? If you had come back and shown any sign that you had reflected upon your parenting style and admitted that you might need to change how you parent, you might have gained some respect and understanding from others here. Instead you've just made more ridiculous excuses and haven't shown any indication that you recognise that you are the problem here, not your dh.

Right, so she wasn't making actual soup, she was messing about in the kitchen. Why didn't you specify that she was just mixing spices together and not actually cooking? You can't really blame people for thinking you meant soup when you literally said soup 😂

YABU to let her waste ingredients like that. It's nice to want to say yes more, there are lots of good things to say yes to, unnecessarily wasting food and making a mess isn't one of them. Sorry, still team DH, and still think you're going to have a kid with no boundaries on your hands.

By make soup I assumed make soup.
Very wasteful just to let her tip herbs in cold water and stir. Why not just supervise her learning to make soup when you actually want soup for lunch.

So you think all ND children are violent do you?

This is what I was thinking! My son is autistic and he doesn’t have a violent bone in his body. He has never once ‘become physical’ with us.

If you are going to adopt the parenting strategy of: "No means Yes in our house", then look out for more trouble ahead, as your DD just goes on and becomes a full-out entitled brat. She may think she can import the same behaviour into the classroom and become a real pain at school, with teachers trying to "catch" you at the end of the day to "have a quiet word", about which you may feel embarrassed and/or resentful, eventually possibly even blaming the school for "picking on her". Not to say this WILL happen. Just saying: I've seen it many times, my dear OP. So, think ahead.

OP how did you expect us to interpret "make soup" and "cook herself something"?

Not sure what the point of this thread is to be honest?

Very odd thread!

I voted YANBU at first because I thought it was a teenager wanted to cook an actual meal, and who would presumably then have cleared up the spices.

I wouldn’t let an 8 yo go and freely make a mess in the kitchen and waste food, no.

It sounds like she was bored - could one of you not have done something with her? Baked something together maybe?

But you do have to stick to your no unless you really think your original no was wrong - and maybe if that’s often the case make sure to take a pause before saying yes or no to start with.

Bollox

No because you told her no and she carried on anyway with no consequence it seems. Good luck for the future because you are sure going to need it

Just while we're pointing out inconsistencies in your last update OP.

When @Enyastar said earlier

"Your daughter will be an entitled, spoilt brat if those are your parenting models!"

Your reply was

"By allowing herself to cook something?"

So was she cooking or not? Because according to your update, she wasn't?

This.

Say either no or yes, and follow through.

I can see why your H is frustrated.

Agree.

So wasteful. So indulgent.

Am wondering if op was quite nefarious in this as she knew it would annoy the dh? She gets to be wonder fun mummy and he’s mean old daddy?

Odd twist to the thread, soup-but-not-soup! 🧐

I did baking with DDs today (rarely do it to be honest) Youngest is also 8. I let them weigh the ingredients and let them have a go at cracking the eggs. 8yo squeezed the egg in one hand and sent the contents all over the floor, her jumper, socks and the cupboard door. We all fell about laughing, I cleaned it up and said no to her trying again because I couldn't waste the eggs. We've now got 12 tasty fairy cakes to get through. I'm no parenting expert by any means, but surely my example is more typical of what an 8yo should be doing in a kitchen under supervision?

No, he is.