She gets away with doing whatever she wants

[Timbucktutu]

Nice evening, cosy by the fire.
Dd decides she wants to make soup, I tell her we don’t have the ingredients and we can make tomorrow. Dd stubborn and becomes quite single minded when she gets an idea into her head (suspect Nd) so I just leave her to it and try to be patient about the mess that will be made and to just let it go.
Dh goes into the kitchen and sees she’s spilt a jar of cinnamon all over the floor, starts to get angry, Dd saying sorry. He tells her she can’t make all this and can’t get all these ingredients out, comes in to tell me. At this point I don’t see the point of getting angry and he storms out saying that she gets away with doing whatever she wants

Who is being unreasonable here?

Well forgive us for thinking you meant ‘making soup’ when you said ‘making soup’. Awfully silly of us.

But you told her no and she ignored you. Absolutely no way would I have allowed this to happen. Your DH is right.

Right...

I wouldn't be telling my DD not to make soup tbh, I'd be pleased she was practising healthy cooking habits and skills as long as she cleared up.

Shocking plot twist:

She wasn't actually making soup anyway apparently 😳🙄

I wouldn’t let an 8 year old waste food/spices like that . If she wants to play can you not just get her slime or playdoh or something .

This actually makes it even worse.... Why at age 8 does your child think tipping spices and herbs together and mixing them is 'making soup'?? Herbs and spices aren't cheap, that's such a wasteful thing for her to do?!

I could understand if she was playing the garden with a bucket of water adding leaves etc and twigs and berries and calling it soup, fine.

But why on earth would you let her mess about making a mess and mixing up spices only to have to chuck them in the bin....

Learn to say no to her, and follow through with it!

It also begs the question, why did the OP tell her they didn't have the ingredients if she was just slapping random stuff in a bowl anyway?

Good point. Surely it didn’t matter what ingredients she used?

As if i’m going to leave an 8 year old making real soup-boiling water and chopping veg 🙄

You DO realise OP that YOU wrote the thread title that DD does what she wants? Yes?

And you are now annoyed that people thought she was making soup because, you know, YOU said that? Yes?

Good.

You are now annoyed that 80% have said YABU as you wanted us all to unite against your beast of an H, and we haven't 😂

Doesnt make sense what you're saying

In your OP you said your husband 'went into' the kitchen and then when he saw the mess and told her off he 'came in to tell me'

That suggests you were not in the same room and that the kitchen is a different area to where you were

If you were around her at the time he wouldnt have needed to do that or spot it at the time as her working individually as you would have been with her in your open plan area surely?

You said no.
Your dd did it anyway
Your dh backed you up.
You undermined him

I'm wondering if essence of fish was involved somewhere.

Yeah, something smells a bit fishy to me

Exactly.

The OP:Dd decides she wants to make soup, I tell her we don’t have the ingredients and we can make tomorrow.

OPs latest post: As if i’m going to leave an 8 year old making real soup-boiling water and chopping veg 🙄She was doing what she thinks can be soup-load of spices in a bowl, mixing it up.

Sure Jan

Bouillabaisse

This.

"She was doing what she thinks can be soup"

Clear as day 😂

@Timbucktutu

Just try this response:

"Thanks for your responses everyone. I understand what so many of you have said about parenting with clear and consistent boundaries. I'll definitely be adjusting my actions in the interests of my daughter's future and my relationship with my husband. Thanks for all the advice, and I hope it helps others in my situation too. "

What have you got to lose? It can't be "face" because we don't know who you are!

Then why did you tell her no?!?

YABU because you give mixed messages, she asked to make soup and you said no. She did it anyway and you didnt back DH up and say its OK if its friday and she wants to play in the kitchen. In that case why didnt you say we cant make soup but let's make X.

Its not fair to say no, but then decide you meant yes so dont provide consequences for the child ignoring your no.

Pathetic,if you were going to let her make soup why not say yes in the 1st place. Sounds like you DH is getting frustrated by her behaviour, its not creative to defy your parent and make a mess. Stop being so lazy parent your child instead of using ND as an excuse. My DGD is severely autistic, sometime its just no.

I’ve got an 8 year old girl who gets ideas in her head.

So many things here.
First, she needs to be told she can’t waste food.
Secondly, she can’t make soup, she needs to entertain herself in a different way. Lego, tv, crafts?
And lastly don’t just let her get on with it and make a mess, I agree with your DH to be honest.

The poster prob coukd not gave stopped DD without it becoming physical. If they suspect ND then both parents must respond accordingly

Your DD isn't ND, you suspect she is. There's a big difference. Basically you're using that flimsy self "diagnosis" as an excuse to let her do exactly what she wants and rule the house!
You then tell her no when she asks, but when she goes off to do it anyway, you just allow her to make some sort of "soup", by irresponsibly letting her waste ingredients.
And yet DH is in the wrong here for getting angry?! I make no wonder your DH was pissed off, I would be too in his position!
Stop excusing her behaviour as "suspected" ND, it's offensive to people who actually are. You have no formal diagnosis.
Step up as a parent, have some conviction and mean what you say. You're a lazy parent who is going the right way in creating a child who doesn't take no for an answer and who people won't want to be around in the future!

Agree, ir she can make pancake batter and the pancakes, can safely fry eggs… why does she need help to clean up pretend soup?