To let dd self initiate potty training?

[astrangeb]

Any other way seems laden with disaster.

Gave it a try yesterday and today; yesterday wasn’t too bad, today she just had seven accidents (at nursery)

I am thinking leave it until she initiates it.

‘Waiting until they are ready’ is a concept promoted by disposable nappy manufacturers, purely to increase their sales. Most children can be potty trained by 2, if you introduce the potty slowly from about 8 months. There’s no need to make a big deal of it, just sit them on the potty for 5 minutes each day, congratulate them if/when they do anything. They then just get used to the potty, they know what it’s for, and there’s no active teaching. No fuss. No angst. No sticker charts. They just figure it out by themselves.

However, if you’ve missed this window and now have an active toddler that’s still in nappies you need to be more proactive and encourage her to use the potty. Everytime you go to the toilet, take her and get her to try going on the potty at the same time. Be positive, encourage rather than instruct.

But no, you can’t just wait to see if she’ll decide to do it by herself.

Ignore the unhelpful comments OP, some people just love to pile on!

It's the problem we create for ourselves in the so-called Western countries, where we stick babies in plastic nappies, teach them nothing at all about natural elimination and expect them to learn in some weeks after 2-3 years of never having to worry about it.

So basically, we destroy their natuiral instinct as babies, and then we expect them to learn "naturally" as children.

We are the only society which ends up with children with massive psychiological elimination issues, such as encopresis, due to this utterly stupid way to "toilet-train".

In fairness @aurynne for the vast majority of children, if you introduce the potty a few months either side of their third birthday they will potty train quickly enough.

Children starting school in nappies is generally a sign of unmet SEN needs or of a family needing some support and help. Or both of course.

I may park it until summer; she’s three then so see how she gets on.

That's just rude if you read the rest of my comments.

I think the OP has unrealistic expectations set by friends who have either lied, forgotten or trained vvv late.

I probably do, but I don’t really know anybody who stayed in for several days and I suppose had to put a lot of effort in. I think that’s what’s troubled me; it’s the fact she doesn’t seem to ‘get it.’

Also, she hates being naked - she just keeps saying ‘I get dressed’ and trying to find her clothes. It is frustrating when she has been sat on the potty for an hour, then insists on getting dressed and promptly pees everywhere 🤦🏼‍♀️

I know it isn’t deliberate it just feels a bit. Anyway, I’ve messed today up and tomorrow will be hopeless as DH and DS are around.

You haven't failed at all, and nor has she.

If its easier to leave it a while and put her back in nappies, do that.

I really do think your friends are truth stretchers!! Almost everyone I know spent a week or so at home or locally, and it took an average of 3 weeks to be mostly there with it.

Thank you. I guess I’m just worried about how that’s going to work in practice, because if I stay home in the holidays I then have to keep her brother under house arrest and they aren’t easy to manage together, but otherwise she has to go to nursery / school run.

Eldest was trained by 3. He was a grumpy about it but got it within a couple of weeks.
Middle dc basically whipped nappy off at 2 and refused to wear it anymore
Youngest is a blur. But we used cloth nappies with 2 and 3 whoch really helped with them feeling wet

School run put pull ups on or a towel in the buggy if you'd rather do it while her brothers not at home?
With my second we did a lot of wet proofing stuff like buggy and car seat with towels or puppy pads because we couldn't be home all day. He famously pissed all over a friend which was pretty awkward!

Or park it a for a bit!

Its a completely new experience for a toddler who up to now has peed and pooped at will without interrupting what she's doing, and involves sitting on a cold pot.

No toddler that I know has magically 'got it' after being introduced to the idea one day before.

If other parents are telling you that's how their children managed it, they're lying or they're trying to erase their own memories of what a slog it was.

Good grief 🙈 is this initiating a "newish" thing? I potty trained my daughter 20 years ago. The idea of leaving her to initiate it baffles the hell out of me.

DD will shows signs that she is developmentally ready for toilet training

When she hides or goes away from you when she has to go toilet

It shows that she understands what is going on and something like this will be your signal she is ready to start training

Hi OP. Both my kids were reliable within 2 weeks over the summer. My DD actually wanted to copy an older friend at the CM and trained at 18months easily. The disadvantage in waiting past 3 is that kids get less eager to please you and so it can be a lot harder and ERIC (continence charity) say that kids’ muscle development is not as good if left too late. My son had so many accidents in the first 48 hours and my husband was really shocked and suggested we didn’t bother, but he was improving (bribery in the form of chocolate buttons helped) so I kept going and was glad I did. I think people think it is instant now - if you have a day off with her, you could just put her on the potty when you go to the loo and give her a chocolate button when she does anything for a bit - familiarisation rather than formal training.

Four! You shouldn’t want her in nappies when she’s four! Some children take longer than others, but even if they show a dislike of dirty nappies, you have to put the work in. Any child without additional needs should be out of nappies by 3.

She definitely shouldn't be sitting on the potty for extended periods. An hour is crazy!
You need to associate the potty with peeing.
When she starts peeing, that's when you get her on the potty with loads of praise and stickers/choc buttons.

You can get her to sit on the potty when you expect she is about to pee/poop eg just after her nap if her nappy is dry, but don't make her sit on it for ages just in case you can catch a wee.

It is hard OP. I genuinely feel sick with things that are pee/poo related and want to vomit - I've never been able to control this - so also get anxious with Potty training.

But I've forced myself to be chill and as long as we use the travel potty regularly out and about, we are doing ok. I didn't stay home for a week - just used the travel potty.

We read books on the potty and sing songs to make it pleasant and fun. I never expected a ' 3 days and it's done' method. We've had two weeks now and I would say are 80% there (though poo in the potty is an issue as there is fear around it which I hope my child didn't get from me) . We are working on the poo thing but I know it takes time. Toilet training is difficult and a process so I wouldn't expect my child to be suddenly toilet trained and I know accidents will happen so am learning to relax.

Good luck OP.

I don’t make her sit on it for ages, she keeps sitting on it herself! I’ve put it away for now.

I think as with all things there are trends in parenting and with potty training; the trend until quite recently was to be child led. That’s swung back now; if that works for others and they want to train children of under 2, not a problem. I will review in a few weeks.

Why on earth would you call in sick? Just do it when you or your partner have a week’s annual leave. You do have to plan a time. It’s always a good idea to wait until it’s a bit warmer if you can, then little one can run around with no bottoms on for a day, then progress to pants then within a few days short trip out etc. You do have to teach your child. If you can get a ‘my carry potty’ for out and about /car boot. You can get absorbent car seat liners from Amazon if you are worried about accidents in the car. However if you always go for a wee before leaving the house you should be fine.

I’m not actually going to call in sick.

I don’t have annual leave; I’m a teacher. School holidays aren’t actually ideal as her brother is around then. Anyway - we’ll see.

My DD1 potty trained with no issues in 3
days and she was just 2 years and 3 months. DD2 has ASD, we didn’t know at the time and she just wasn’t getting it so we stopped trying till she was 2y and 8 months. We did it gradually over 2 months. We started with getting her to understand what wee is so every evening after nursery, she goes nappy free, lots of accidents till but encouragement from us till she understood, that took almost 2 months. After I had annual leave for a week during the sch holiday of DD1 so we didn’t go any where and did full day training. By the end of that week, she got it, the most interesting twist was that she woke up the next week in the middle of the night on her own asking for the potty. So I did no night time potty training for her, she got it herself all before she turned 3. With DC3, I’ve done the gradual approach too and when we did full day of potty training , we got it fully by day 2

For my older DD I did put her in pull ups on nursery days & days out until she’d got the hang of it. So a hybrid approach might work for your DD too. No nappy during the day at home but pop one on at nap & night time and for nursery. Switching to pull ups gives her the option of using the potty if she can.

Thank you. chatgpt recommended the gradual approach.

i do think nursery has thrown a spanner in the works. She doesn’t really like nursery so if she’s connected potties and trying to wee with nursery that might had put a bit of a barrier in her mind. Ironically once she’s potty trained she can start in the preschool room which I think she’ll prefer!