To let dd self initiate potty training?

[astrangeb]

Any other way seems laden with disaster.

Gave it a try yesterday and today; yesterday wasn’t too bad, today she just had seven accidents (at nursery)

I am thinking leave it until she initiates it.

I’m pretty sure she is holding and holding until the potty is there (of course I expect accidents at this stage.) But today that kind of seemed to be happening in reverse where she was holding it in on the potty and wetting in her clothes which is obviously the opposite of what we want!

Not ‘anxiety’, just normal behaviour. You are the anxious one here. Hopefully she will continue trying this weekend (if you encourage her), it sounds likes she’s doing a good job

DGD (now 8) never would sit on a potty. DD and SIL got her a little seat to go on the toilet and she learned to use that.

Op I'd try before she gets to three. 3 year olds are much more wilful and less suggestable than 2 year olds. I trained mine at the age your daugher is now and at that age I could put him on the potty and suggest he did a wee before we left the house. At 3 he would just refuse and scream at me.

Mine had a day of witholding wees in the first week of training too, I think it was because I was stressed. He was completely fine the next day. Also its normal for them to find it harder at nursery, don't let that deter you. There are more distractions, grown ups not watching their body language, no potty in the corner for hygene reasons.

It really sounds like she's ready to me. Its the weekend now, I think you should keep going. You can make significant progress from where you're at in 2 days. I believe in you both!

My DD was an absolute pain to potty train! Started properly when she was 3, no SN or anything but we wanted her to be ready. She didnt like the potty so we went straight to the toilet and it worked really well we just kept her nappy free and on floor we could clean and offered her the toilet every hour or so! The poos were so much harder I copied someone on here and had a back of cheap tat gifts in and basically bribed her to poo on the toilet for a present it didnt take long but man was she angry when the presents stopped 🤣

Re nursery i would take her nappy off just before she went in and give them lots of spare knickers, we also used potty pads a washable material in the car and in her buggy for a little while.

Dont let anyone make you feel bad for taking your time it's hard!

Another tip I have for potty training was that my son must have had twenty accidents and five little wees on the first day.

It actually got harder for him briefly when he started holding it a bit, because he didn't want to wee on the floor but also overestimated his ability to keep playing.

Accidents aren't a problem in potty training. They're learning.

Leave her in knickers at home so she can learn to use the potty. Nappies at nursery until she recognises the cues. My dd was 2 when she was potty trained. Your dd is clearly not ready if she had 7 accidents at nursery.

To be perfectly honest I hated potty training. I think the first step is accepting that it is going to be hard and it is going to be messy. I'm not sure it can be done in a week but you can definitely make a solid start in that time and then ask the nursery to support you after that.

I think rather than waiting for the child's readiness it's more important to wait for a time when you're in the right headspace for it because it is hard.

My second one was frustrating because they were very resistant to the potty but knew to wait until I wasn't looking before weeing on the floor. I didn't always manage it but I had to try and act breezy and not too bothered but it was really hard.

You've just got to get on with it and take the lead. Both of mine were a nightmare to potty train, both taking roughly 6 months. Yes, it would be lovely to be dry in 3 days as other mums that I know have achieved...... but sometimes it just takes longer. You can't just give up on the first bad day. As others have said, start on the Easter weekend, we introduced a reward jar towards the end which worked a treat, also don't even bother with potty training pants, I truly believe they prolonged the whole painful affair, she needs to experience discomfort in wet knickers. After the Easter holidays, send her to nursery, she'll see her friends using the potty and this will make her want to take part too and this is all part of being a nursery worker (as much I hated to add to their work, it's all part and parcel of the job). You would be doing her a major disservice to just wait for her to initiate.

You half heartedly sat her on the potty a couple of times and then sent her to nursery in pants? Completely set her up to fail OP.

You need to commit fully, and be prepared to stay home for a few days. Mine both got it by say three but that was after two days pantless hovering around the potty watching for signs. It's a pain but it works.

There are a bunch of bank holidays coming up over the summer just get on with it...nearly four year old should not be in nappies unless there's some additional needs going on.

I know you said you had a hard time with your son but don't let this dictate.

My son was also a nightmare but we got there eventually. My daughter was entirely different and very easy.

Give it a proper go over several days and then decide. If it's endless tears and upset without progress then push it back but it sounds like she managed pretty well and failure at nursery after one day is totally normal.

@Hoplittlesbunnieshophophop that isn’t what happened but to be honest I do think you just want to be needlessly unpleasant.

DD kept asking me to change her nappy so I encouraged her to use her potty, she then seemed enthusiastic. I knew she had nursery the next day so I rang and asked them their advice. My original plan had been Easter so this has wrong footed me a bit. I do regret asking on here as I forgot how unpleasant MN can be about this topic.

Thanks for the kind reply @ChapmanFarm and others, she’s had two wees on the potty (and a tantrum when I put her nappy on for bed!) so hopefully we’ll make good progress now, it nursery is still a problem we might have to make a plan for that.

At nursery they don't always want to leave their toys or to miss out. But Tuesday is a long way off in terms of the progress she's making and given she peed so often today, she'll be deemed much better even if it's four changes!

Edited to say I bought knickers with a Terry toweling lining. They don't hold it long and they know they are wet but long enough that it's just a quick change and no puddle. Handy when you start going out too.

I’m not leaving it to nursery, but she does go twice a week and I can’t really call in sick because I’m potty training her, can I?

You need to do it in the holidays.

You can't be made to provide revision classes in holidays? Or get her dad to take off some time for it. You need a clear week off work. A horrific number of children don't "self initiate", if anything lots get quite stubborn/prone to refuse by age 3. Reality is potty training for most kids requires some effort/sacrifice on parents part but its nof forever

There's actually a lot of good news buried in your posts on this thread, OP.

Good news! You're a teacher (like me) = long and frequent holidays in which to potty train your child.
Good news! You've done it before (with her elder brother) so actually know what you're doing this time.

There's no harm in taking a short break from it if it really isn't happening (though from your most recent posts it sounds like your daughter is moving in the right direction!). However, at some point in (ideally the near) future (Easter holidays?) you'll have to grit your teeth and try again.
As mentioned above, I'm also a teacher, so we attempted to train our first son in the April/May holidays when he was 2y6m. I had read the 'Oh Crap' book and felt it was a good moment as he had been showing signs of readiness.
It was a DISASTER. He had a bladder of steel so would hold it in for ages but would then pee everywhere in totally inappropriate places the second you turned your back. I left him with my husband for 2 minutes and when I came back he had peed on the windowsill 😵
He also refused to poo at all.
After a week of this, it was stressing me out to the point of giving me bad dreams, so we stopped and decided to give it another go in the summer holidays.
That time: total success within a few days. Dry during the day (all pees/poos on the potty or toilet, though I think there was one time when he peed in the garden!), and even during the afternoon nap. Just nappies at night.
We had used reusable nappies from birth, which I think helped enormously, as kids can feel that they are wet.
A week after training him, I took him on holiday to visit his cousins. We carried the travel potty everywhere; he even peed once in it in the middle of the high street. No accidents during the holiday at all.
This was in 2021.
A few years later (2025) I was getting ready to train the youngest one and thought the summer holidays would be a good time again, but was a little anxious because of remembering how bad the initial attempt had been with the eldest (so TOTALLY understand where you are coming from there). He was also younger in the summer holidays than his elder brother had been (2y6m vs 2y9m). Indeed the first 2-3 days were tricky because a] he wouldn't always tell us when he wanted to go so we had to really watch him, and b] pants felt too much like nappies and he seemed to think it was OK to pee in them.
Then I remembered what they'd said in the Oh Crap book about going commando in the initial stages. As soon as we removed the pants he seemed to get it. I think though for safety he did go commando for about a month before we introduced pants and he went back to daycare in September like that. We then had no issues when he started to wear pants. He's now just turned 3 and is extremely well trained (dry during the day and during naps - no accidents ever - only needs a nappy for night-time).
So I really urge you to try again soon (before your daughter turns 3) - remember that you have done this before successfully.

I’ve actually got some @ChapmanFarm but she’s a stubborn brute and has refused to wear them, favouring the unicorns … FGS! I’ll send some to nursery though as she is very meek and compliant there; she isn’t at home!

I’m not totally convinced I know what I’m doing @Angelil ; I feel like I made a right hash of it with DS. I’m sure she will be fine though.

I’m not a fan of Oh Crap at all; the actual method is OK but the tone of it is so haughty and shaming I’m not sure I could bring myself to read it again. Also, DD really doesn’t like not having pants on although she will go commando with a dress or skirt. We don’t have many dresses so I may have to order some more; good excuse to do some shopping I guess [smile{

It’s easier to reason with a four year old.

You don't reason with a 4 year old. It's pointless. You are the adult, they are the child you are in charge. You instruct them and tell them what to do.

If reluctant, go carrot or go stick.
Carrot - choc button for a wee etc. Sit on potty while watching tv. Massive praise for any wee or poo on loo, small praise for trying/not refusing to sit.
Stick = natural consequence - "oh if you want to go to the playground we have to try for a wee on the loo before we go."

Hate to say it op but they do get stubborn at that age. Why do you think some people advocate doing it earlier 🙄 its way easier around age 2, they might bave slightly more accidents but they refuse/are stubborn way less!

Of course they do, but most toddlers a few months either side of three will potty train successfully irrespective of stubbornness .

I can reason just fine with my four year old.

Not rtwt. Both my kids potty trained before they started nursery, daughter aged 2.5 and son was 3. I remember trying with my son and he kept wetting himself repeatedly. I waited a month or so and the next time I tried he got it immediately with no accidents. I had the same experience with my daughter on reflection - was finding lots of accidents so I waited and she picked it up fast when she was ready. A child can change lots in even a couple of months. I preferred this approach than trying to keep at it with repeated accidents. Having said that, if he hadn't picked it up before school nursery id have done that.

You’re just not doing it right. You need to stay at home for a few days at least.

Potty training is and was my least favourite milestone. My daughter was quite keen at 2y4m but my son was over 3! I did follow the Oh crap guide because I didn’t know how to do it! You can take the awful bits, the first thing to remember is never to ask her if she needs a wee! It becomes a battle of wills! At first you’re just catching a pee, and then gradually hoping to see signs of them connecting the dots. Dresses with no pants underneath was the key for my daughter, she didn’t wear pants for weeks! If you have 3 days at home now I would really give it a go and see how you feel things are going on Monday.

The trend for 'child initiatived' potty training is the reason children are starting school in nappies. I recently asked a friend's mum when her children were potty trained by, and all four it was around 12 months during the day (in the 1960s). With modern nappies children don't get the feedback of being wet when they wee, and the longer you leave it the more reinforced this lack of awareness becomes, making it increasingly harder for the child to learn to use the potty. There is an increase in bladder and bowel problems if children aren't potty trained by 30 months (ERIC). As you're a teacher, focus on potty training your daughter during the Easter holidays. If not done so already visit the ERIC website for advice on how to go about it. Good luck, the sooner you persevere, the sooner your daughter will be potty trained.

It was a lot earlier but there are all sorts of reasons for that, not least the fact that children were smacked / punished for accidents.