To let dd self initiate potty training?

[astrangeb]

Any other way seems laden with disaster.

Gave it a try yesterday and today; yesterday wasn’t too bad, today she just had seven accidents (at nursery)

I am thinking leave it until she initiates it.

Thanks for this. I keep reading things that indicate after a few days it’s done and dusted. Realistically she does have to attend nursery. I don’t think she’s totally comfortable there so this might explain the refusal (she had two wees and a poo for me yesterday on the potty and I thought … great.)

I had the most awful time when potty training her brother so it is a bit anxiety laden for me, although I’m not normally prone to being stressed.

😂

Ah OP I'd wait until the summer or until the weather is better, then she can just run around with no nappy, they're all different, DD2 cracked it in a weekend because her other friends were trained and she wanted to be like them, hadn't had much luck until then. DD1 we tried and were unsuccessful then waited a few months and tried again and all was fine, think she just wasnt ready the first time.

You don’t need “a battle of wills” - she’s 2. You can reset this OP but you’re going to have to actively teach her.

I trained one of mine at 18 months and one at 21 months - timing was based on the weather. I read “Oh Crap” and followed it.

It is hard work for you as you’re going to have to watch her like a hawk while she’s learning. Your instinct to “wait until she’s ready” or self-initiates or that you “don’t want a battle” is just taking the easy way out/doing what’s easiest for you. It’s not in her best interests.

@astrangeb ignore the nasty comments. You know your child best. I let my LO lead on his potty training. We had a potty available, and I told him all about potties etc. I knew it would be a battle of wills. So I let him decide. He was 3.5 when he asked to wear pants one day, and was dry all day and at night, immediately.

I was slightly worried that it was later than his friends, but they all had lots and lots of accidents. We’ve never had any accidents, and potty training has never been stressful for either of us.

Absolutely U.

In my experience nursery will help as long as you warn them and have a reasonable strategy.

It’s very normal for the first few days to be a disaster. It’s reasonably normal to give up after a week and then try again in a month or two provided that the child isn’t about to start school. Absolutely not normal to leave it to the child. I 💯 know kids who would still be in nappies at 7/8 if their parents hadn’t supported them by which time it would be much harder to crack.

They’re not though. I have worked in a number of schools and there are non SEN kids from middle class families starting school not toilet trained.

Wait until the summer. Surely you will have a few days off then? Then take the nappies off and leave them off. Mine were dry within the week day and night. There will be the odd accident and of course when they say they need to go they need to go that second!

You should have done it last Summer. Anytime from 18 to 30 months is best, usually around 2yrs old. I chose the time for my children depending on the season as it’s usually easiest to do it in warmer weather.

I can’t believe you’re a teacher! Presumably you don’t teach the younger children? We have a number of nappy-wearers in Reception. They’ve been allowed to ‘initiate it’ - and, guess what, they haven’t! Their parent(s) have let them down IMO. Teaching a young child to use a potty/toilet is part of parenting.

If you leave it too late then many children either dig their heels in or develop a complex about it. In your position with your DD being 2 and 8 months I’d do it over the Easter Hols. It needs consistency, time after time after time.

Get a potty for upstairs, a potty for downstairs, an insert child toilet seat and some nice pants, and put your DD on the potty/toilet very frequently. Make it clear what the expectations are and give copious praise if she does it. Don’t react to accidents if they’re genuinely accidents, and always put her on the potty after an accident to link the potty with bladder/bowel opening. Let her look at books or even watch TV if needed, or read to her. Two of my DC preferred the insert toilet seat and would happily sit there with books or something to entertain them. The other DC liked the potty and liked it to be close.

Once children have a number of successes, they usually progress fast but the process can take a couple of weeks or more. It’s not something you do in a day as you’re teaching a behaviour and it needs reinforcing.

I think you're being very unfair on the nursery, OP.
7 accidents in one day?
Yes, they're fine for now, but further down the line it may be an issue.
Imagine if every child in the nursery was having as many accidents daily as your child.
You say you can't take time off to potty train because you're a teacher.
That's fine, but choose a long school holiday to potty train - ideally summer.
Not during school term time, where you have no time to support your child with this and just expect the nursery to deal with it.

The thing is watching her like a hawk won’t work if she’s determined not to wee or poo on the potty. I can see it becoming a game of her refusing and me trying to force and ultimately getting nowhere.

We’ll see. I’ll try again tomorrow but I’m suspecting at the moment she’s refusing and that’s that

Personally I think your approach is right. She is only 2. I would definitely leave it for a while given her resistance.
Meanwhile read her books about big girls using the toilet/potty there are loads of good ones around . Let her choose some nice big girls pants to wear when she is out of nappies and if she plays with dolls do some playing where the doll/play figure goes to the toilet.

As much as possible take the pressure off because getting into a battle of wills with a 2 year old over potty training is never going to end well!

This is a terrible attitude. You are the parent and you are in charge. Of course she isn’t going to get the hang of it in one day at home. But she isn’t going to magically learn either. You must have thought she was ready in order to start trying. Now you need to work out a plan to do it properly.

I find it bizarre you can think this way as a teacher. The whole art of teaching is to get kids to do the things they don’t want to. Or do you just let them decide when they’re ready to do some maths?

Thank you. She has a travel potty which she likes carrying around but there did seem to be some anxiety at nursery. I need to establish whether that’s nursery or potty related so I’ll try again over the weekend. Just feeling a bit down - I was so pleased when she started training yesterday and felt like we’d be toilet trained by this time next week!

No pants
Lots and lots to drink
Stay in one room
As soon as she starts weeing put her on the potty and give lots of praise/stickers/chocolate buttons

It's much easier when they're around 2nd birthday but you can still do it.

So she isn’t refusing. She is using the potty at home, but isn’t ready to do it at nursery yet.

Well if you did decide to let her ‘self initiate’ and not bother parenting her then you’d fall into the category of needing more support. It’s just a bad day with a 2 year old, you don’t need to totally change direction because she’s said no, she’s 2, refusing to cooperate is just standard toddler.

I found having a good potty on all floors of the house and letting them run around without nappies soon did the trick. You have to have zero pressure> kids are inquisitive so they will want to explore what it is sit on it, even just for fun or 'read' a picture book on it. soon enough they'll do a wee and that's kind of it. It does help to take some annual leave (we did). Dc had already seen their little friends at nursery uinsg potties so found them intriguing. 2-2.5 is a good age.

You made a mistake to send her to nursery in pants before potty training as you set her up to fail, this has probably made her anxious about it.

The whole art of teaching is to get kids to do the things they don’t want to. it definitely isn’t. That’s not what teaching is at all.

Who told you it would only take a week?

Dont wait for signs, put her on the potty regularly every few minutes with a prized item that she can only have on the potty: a toy, a book, whatever she’s excited to have. But basically remember that you’re the adult and by ensuring she does something she’s refusing to do, you’re actually helping her. You’re showing her she can rely on you as her parent to guide her. Children would make all kinds of wrong choices if we let them, wouldn’t they? Chocolate for dinner, running out into the road, not wearing a coat in the freezing cold, sticking their finger in an electric socket. You are in charge and you owe it to your DD to lead her - in this and in other things through her childhood.

Yes I agree. And also if there is a SEN need it’s easier in a way because you can address the need and get more money/ support for the school.

Its actually the kids in affluent neglect or the lazy soft parents who have watched someone on Facebook who thinks potty training is abusive or just can’t be arsed with the cleaning and can’t be consistent that are more of an issue (OP not saying this is you at all, but it’s simply not true that all neurotypical middle class kids from rich houses are potty trained).

OP your DD is still young. If I were you I’d start again at Easter when I assume you have some time off and give it at least 3/4 days. No nappies at all in the day. If she’s still as bad then pause and try again in the summer. But do keep trying otherwise you might miss the window.

And if all children self-led at an appropriate time why do you think parents/ authors/ healthcare professionals and teachers have to put so much effort in.

Some kids might do it on their own but a lot won’t.

i followed their advice.

Refusing is an odd word to use @astrangeb

It's a process, work in progress. You are already turning it into a battle. Keep it light else it WILL become a battle of wills.