To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

wake them up all through the night saying you smell smoke or gas or something. That’s an emergency so you have to alert them.

Which is an answer in itself

the op will be benefiting from paying pennies for rent

They’ve been “suffering” since September

the op didn’t move because I’d bet her mum is charging her nothing or pennies to rent

She doesn't appear to be paying any rent, but not for want of trying - her mother refuses to rent or sell it to her, despite her offers.

Presumably her mother refuses because an actual lease would require her to abide by normal landlord practices, which don't include treating the place as her own home whenever she feels like it.

No. If things are as bad as they are, she needs to move. It's far more harmful to a teenage girl to be living in such a toxic environment, with a nother in this mental state.
It's early March, it's not ideal, but she could get another local rental until she buys.
I would not put my daughter through this.

It's the only explanation.

So the op must be making substantial savings each month and has been since September. Could have moved months ago. Chose not to.

@guestsareinvited I didn't suggest anything to put off your visitor (I didn't know the person was your DM at the time), because it seems futile and counter productive. All you'd be doing was letting the person know they were getting to you.

change your mindset, that's the only way to keep control in a situation like this. Your DM is controlling, many DMs are based on all the posts about them on here. she thinks she still owns you and doesn't consider you to be an independent adult with a family of your own.

you have an escape plan, you'll be buying your own property in the months to come, surely it's better to focus on that with hope than drag yourself down feeling disempowered and frustrated by the controlling behaviour of your DM. Soon you'll be able to see her and contact her on your terms.

I understand the disruption prevention with your DD. Mine did her GCSES last summer and I timed the closing of the house I was buying to close in June. It took from March to June to do that so it’s a great time to start executing on the plan.

You're the guest in this situation.

So true!!

Hey, first of April is coming up... a harmless prank isn't such a bad idea.

Just say no what happens then do they barge in and tell them exactly how you feel you are entitled to your own feelings

Don’t buy the house off her she will always see it as her house and treat it like her own.

After reading your updates, I'd bide my time and make arrangements for the week after Dd's final exam. Get a new place sorted, get the movers booked. Do not buy her house, she won't stop she'll want access and she'll want you to be grateful forever over the deal she gave you on the house, even if you had paid full market value.
Start looking at places today and take control back.

It's not the question I asked or the spirit of the thread. I'm looking for a bit of humorous relief in a tough time. I don't want to move an autistic child in her GCSE year. DD and I have talked and she rather stick it out.

I'm curious, though. In your opinion, How much rent would be fair in the circumstances?

The property is not up to rental standards and would not get electrical, plumbing or EPC certification. I estimate it would take around ten thousand pounds worth of certified work to be rentable.

It is worth mentioning it's in objectively terrible decorative taste. And has ongoing problems, like the toilet blocking once a fortnight, wiring that blows fuses twice a week, heating that is either tropical or arctic, if the windows open they don't close, if they close, they don't lock (or unlock) and underdoor gaps that were letting mice in (honestly, I'm surprised the cats didn't follow!), and a rambling garden that sleeping beauty would be proud of. I've fixed what can be fixed with minimal outlay, and am decorating, finishing and sealing as I go. It's all very unfinished and full of gaps and holes. The woodwork, for example, is all unfinished pine. I've painted about half since I've been here.

I don't know. I suspect if you go online eg Rightmove, you could see what the going rate is in your postcode for similar properties. Renting is expensive, though and you often need to pay a large deposit.
I'm sorry to hear of your problems, and it's not easy with an autistic teenager, but it'll all be over by early June, if you can't move now. It's not good for anyone's wellbeing.
All the best.

No one forced you to move in
No one forced you to forced you to stay for the last 7 months
You could have months a few months back and would have been no disruption at all to your daughter

You stayed there. So we can only presume either your a sucker for punishment or… you’re paying peanuts

I'm genuinely curious - in the social circumstances, what would you personally consider a fair rent, as a proportion of full rent? (I do pay rent, and it's absolutely not pennies)

I would have moved before Christmas, if she had simply said she didn't want to sell. We will move now, because adding £150k to the asking price is silly, but not before DDs GCSE's - that's her choice.

How the HECK can I tell you what I think would be a fair rent when I have squat all idea where the property is or any real detail about it?! 😀

The answer to your question about rent is entirely dependent on where the property is and how big it is OP, as well as the condition. I live in the Midlands and a 3 bedroom house would be £1200 - £1400, so I would consider 750/800 to be reasonable. (Well all those prices are unreasonable really, but still). If it was conditional on the homeowner being able to rock up at any time and stay as long as they want, I would say 400-500 quid would be cheap.

Apologies if I wasn't clear. I'm asking what percentage of market rent do you think it is fair to ask for a legally unrentable property with known issues that the owner has unrestricted access and they retain a room for their exclusive in. Just as a rough idea, its not a science.

legally unrentable property with known issues that the owner has unrestricted access and they retain a room for their exclusive in.

You were aware of all this when you moved in? Aware that your mother was…. Unpleasant, before you moved in?

or was all this a surprise back in September?

As I said upthread, you'd probably get a good idea by looking online and checking out local estate agents.

My boy is going GCSEs.

Nothing is stopping you hunting for a house now, and then arranging a move out date (either rent or buy) for when she finishes in mid June.

if you get looking now - a move out date in June is totally doable.

Clearly you a your mother have a history of difficult and unloving relations. Mind boggling you took the risk tbh