To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

@guestsareinvited

In the event that you do end up finding another property or even whilst you're looking, make sure that she understands up front that you will NOT be 'checking in' or caretaking her empty house. Nor will you act as 'property management' should she happen to find a tenant willing to rent 'under the table'.

I hate these threads where the OP has stated in her second post that she rents, has made it clear that moving in the next couple of months is not an option, and then you get posters, hundreds of posts in, gleefully claiming that the OP clearly doesn't rent and refuses to say why she won't move.

Are people getting more illiterate or are they deliberately trying to derail what was obviously a humorous thread?

It's a humorous thread with a serious sub text. She's now discussing issues with her daughter, and why it's so hard to move out of the house at the moment. She's trying to evaluate the rental issues, but is definitely planning to move. So it's not really all about the pranks.

I think that's a fair point, it should be a fresh start.

Didn’t strike me as an obviously humorous thread.

The Op clearly despises her mother, and her mother clearly delights in basking in the knowledge and making her daughters life unpleasant

So, rather begs the question why the OP took such an incredible risk of becoming utterly reliant on her mother for a roof over her and her child’s head.

Hence posters thinking that the “rent” which the op refers to presumably was pennies

No, I wasn’t. I agreed to rent a house, not a house share. I agreed to rent a three bed house not use of a three bed with the owner in one. She stipulated those non-negotiable conditions after I had committed to selling mine, and was partly moved in, which I do think was unreasonable. I would not have agreed to that previously, and I think that was calculated. She had also said she was going to rent to an acquaintance, and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have expected them to put up with this, so I expected her to visit the same or less.

I WAS expecting her to come to stay on her previous schedule which was around 4 days every six weeks. And I was expecting her to communicate when and how long she expected to stay for. I was expecting some collaboration over when was convenient for us. Not ideal, but manageable. I wasn’t expecting her to stay for two months and refuse to say when she planned to leave. And I wasn’t expecting her for three weeks in five. With no communication.

I knew about some of the problems with the house. I am not bothered about them and am happy to deal with them, rent or no. I mentioned them to give some perspective to folks who feel I am fleecing my mother for peanuts. I don’t feel that’s how this is.

But you knew the woman, she was your mother!! You’re saying this awful behaviour came out of the blue and before now you had a relationship built on love and trust?

I think not

you took a massive risk!

I’m not sure if anyone else has suggested this, @guestsareinvited, but could you print off the details for houses within your budget and area, and leave them lying around for your mum to see? Then when she asks about them, tell her you are looking to move as soon as your dd has finished her GCSEs, because she has mucked you around so much. And of course she can sell the house to whomever she wishes, but you don’t think she will get anything like what you’ve offered for it, on the open market.

I am sure moving is the right decision - to be honest, I wouldn’t advise buying the house from her, even if she offered it at a knock-down price, because of the hassle she will give you, about letting her come and stay.

I am now doing exactly that. The fastest and easiest (for me) way out of this was to buy the bloody place, change the locks, deal with the issues properly and get on with my life. She’s been agreeing but procrastinating since Christmas and this week was my stop loss for her to accept and move forward elsewhere. She has decided she wants an extra £150k and that’s not on.

I am not going to put itching powder on the loo roll or dead mice in her bed. But it’s making us laugh instead of gritting my teeth in the meantime, and I’ll take that. That’s all this thread was for. A bit of humour to take the edge off a rough time.

You took a huge risk as I’m guessing you and your mother have had a pretty awful and unpleasant relationship for…. Well a long time!

Don’t even consider buying the property from her! Even if she reduces by £150k

honestly OP buying this house is a bad move- your mother has shown you she still sees it as her house when you are renting it. She will turn up once you’ve bought and it, realistically will you shut the door on her face?

finding somewhere else is best, leave this house empty and she can pay the bills herself.

OP you are getting a hard time here. I understand you wanted a humorous response to a frustrating situation. Good to know you at least can look forward to your own place by the end of the summer. I wish you well.

I need more clarity. I’m intrigued as to who it is and why they can’t be stopped

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For whatever reason I would not under any circumstances have someone stay I didn’t want, especially under those circumstances…ridiculous 😳

Tell her that your doctor is almost 80% sure that the mysterious ailment you've picked up, which is making your back teeth loose and blood come out of your nipples, isn't contagious.

Find somewhere in your bathroom to hide a back up loo roll and remove the visible one regularly to blow your nose/whatever. DH does the latter and it drives me crazy hence I always have a secret roll stashed behind the sink…

ditto to running out of milk, bread etc. you can keep spares in different containers.

Aim for disorganised student house vibes. Any knitwear that could get shrunk…?

Oh and maybe sell loads of stuff on marketplace and endlessly have people knocking on the door

Really just stop paying the rent, why would you pay to be tortured are you insane? If you are paying rent you are a tenant. Just stop paying or change the locks. You dont need humour you need to get a spine. What a terrible example to your DD. She's rude to your partner she doesn't respect your privacy or you DD, She doesn't help or contribute what is wrong with you.

Now that's not nice...

😆😆

Silicone their bedroom door when they goto bed

Laxatives.

Lock up and go away for a few days.

You need to redecorate her room with a nice retro vibe. Nylon sheets and bedspread, lovely thin curtains (the louder the pattern the better) and a big bell alarm clock or five accidentally left in an empty drawer.

Dip their toothbrush in liquid soap.

I would not entertain buying the house from her at all.

Even if you paid her above market price, she would forever find ways to make it seem like she’d done you a favour, that you owe her, she’ll use it against you and throw it in your face at every opportunity.

It won’t end well, please find a new home that is all your own (and don’t tell her your address).