To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

Cheapest loo roll you can find or that medicated Izal (sp?) stuff.

Change WIFI password and "forget" what you changed it too.

This. She can’t take you to court! Her rental isn’t legal

change the locks anyway, if she were a legal landlord she’d have to agree visits in advance and you don’t have to have her

the law says (and I’ve checked, double checked and triple checked with solicitors and shelter) you CAN change the locks to protect your right to quiet enjoyment

as long as you change them back when you leave.

blow this shit up.

tell her you’re leaving, that she has no right to visit unless you Agree. Text her this so it’s in writing and if she shows up, call the police.

then move, don’t tell her where to.

Put milk in a spray bottle and spray it on his bed sheets and pillow. Just a fine mist, so it's not wet. He wont notice going to bed but will get rank as the night unfolds.

😮‍💨

😂😂😂 I see you've played this game before...

Chuck some haddock skins behind the radiator.

Some of these are evil genius.

I was going to suggest developing a nervous tic like rhythmically clearing your throat every 5 mins. "Huh, hmmm"

Also if you have a really evangelical church close by you could fill out a request for literature in her name- they really won’t leave her alone…

This was a really good thread till all the fun sponges joined in to judge you 🙄
(You could invite them all round on consecutive nights)

Smear a tiny amount of Marmite on the clean sheets, and leave a used tissue under the pillow just to hint that someone else has been sleeping there .. maybe a worn sock in the end of the bed. A few Parmesan shavings, and then mention your unfortunate friend who’s had terrible skin problems and came to stay recently.

Change the router name to ‘factory reset’ or ‘deleting all data’ just to scare her.

Ensure that the fridge is full of containers eg jam, spread etc but they’re all empty or have just a spoonful in (that drives me mad, anyway!) A bit of lipstick round the milk/orange juice as if someone’s been drinking out of it … take a bite out of the cheese and put it back. She probably goes into your/DD’s room when you’re out - some strategically placed mousetraps or the infamous Lego bricks?

Still think the clown idea is the best one!

Oh I love the idea of suggesting someone else has stayed in the bed!

Also keep itching and say you’re worried about bed bugs- you had a friend over and have heard they can jump off luggage

Switch to long-life milk. The really budget skimmed milk you have to open with scissors.... and spills everywhere every time you make a cup of tea!

Swap the butter for plain old sunflower margarine.

Also downgrade all the bread, jam, cheese to the cheapest supermarket 'essential' versions you can find.

Maybe really thin loo roll? Can you still get the Izal paper version?

I'd be out of there like a shot!

Hit up a friend to stay at the same time.
This friend will have ‘unexpectedly’ arrived 2 hours before them and you were forced to give the guest room away - the only spot left is the sofa in the living room, but you & guest #1 stay up until 2am+ watching tv.
Then you’re up & making noise by at least 5am.
This guest #1 has atrocious manners, mostly aimed at the guest you don’t want.
Interrupting, rude, boorish - I don’t have to tell you what atrocious manners are.
The food you make is either underdone chicken to steaks that look no different than shoe leather.
No tea in the house - sorry!
Lukewarm coffee you can see through.
No Cokes or any other soft drinks.
I know you can pull this off without looking obvious.
Good luck on your mission to ruin this unwelcome guest’s stay. ❤️

That's not what "begging the question" means, btw...

OP clearly said, yesterday, that this behaviour started once OP had committed to sell it and prior to that the mother didn't even live in the same country.

Not an obvious "incredible risk" based on actual behaviour although of course MNers who skim-read a few posts clearly feel they are in a better position to accurately assess this risk based on whatever they've imagined.

TBH at this point I'd just make a decision that she's not going to get to you or succeed in winding you up and stop wasting emotional energy on a situation you can't change. Just go serenely about your life. When she does something that irritates you, remind yourself that you feeling irritated is a win for her and a knock on your quality of life.

It sounds mad and impossible, but take my word for it, it's actually easier than you think, once you've had long enough to get familiar with the full repertoire of irritating behaviours. Zen-like serenity and indifference, regardless of her comings and goings and messing with your kitchen, your way of doing things. You can't control her, but you can choose your response. It's so much less effort and mental energy than anything else!

Alexa hidden in their room and then playing random sounds on it. All night. We actually had great fun with this one. It was worth setting the alarm every 40 minutes to do. Needs to be quiet but really weird irritating noises. Plugholes emptying, dripping tap, scissors cutting.

Sell the bed that they use to sleep in, put it on Facebook marketplace and once it’s gone remove the cushions off the sofa and store in your room at night. Then they will have to sleep on the floor.

make sure your out when they arrive and turn off the water at the mains in the street (rather than the stopcock under the sink) they will then think something has gone wrong with the plumbing as will have no water. Accuse them of breaking the boiler and associated repair costs! Then go out for the evening and leave them to it.

This again! It'll stink out the whole house so why would she do that?

What are you on about 😀

😁

Sign them up for a subscription for Japanese scat porn.

OP, this is probably costing you emotionally
Let it go

Do you know it's not compulsory to read every post/ response on here? You can just scroll past if not of interest to you.

Freeze hot dog juice as ice cubes.

Sand in her vaseline. Or expensive facecream. Or a pot you leave out so she thinks its your and will nick it.

Prawn or two behind something close to the bed so its particularly strong when lying down.

Pot actually shagging the kettle there.

What makes you think I wasn't interested?

If I wasn't, I wouldn't have replied 🤔