Dd doesn't want to go back to school after giving birth

[LighterDays]

Reposting from Education forum in hopes to get more advice/experiences

You might remember me from my other threads but I've name changed again as I've posted some outing things.

My DD is 15 and she gave birth 2 nearly 3 weeks ago. She is supposed to be in year 10 and attended school up until Christmas, she had a horrible few weeks with her ex and his friends bullying her, name calling and he’d wait outside her classes to try and talk to her when she told him she didn't want to talk to him and it was quite intimidating to her. School weren't very supportive about this and it caused her a lot of stress so she didn't go in the last week or 2 but he isn't at the school now

Anyway after Christmas she was on what would probably be maternity leave, she studied at home though but since baby has been here she obviously hasn't. We never chatted about when she’d go back with the school or anything they just said let them know and keep them updated

She has said now she doesn't want to go back after Easter (he will only be 8 or 9 weeks old so I don't really blame her) so I don't think she will go back until September and even then she is sorta worried about leaving him from like 7:45 am (she left this time to get the bus) until nearly 4pm at 7 months but I guess that's how all parents feel

I'm just worried about how behind she will be in her GCSE year as she will have missed so much. I know 14+ colleges are a thing, I don't know if there are any locally but it would also help if it were more flexible rather than 8:30-3 days 5 days a week. I'd be caring for him most likely as that was agreed and I don't mind I just want her to do well.

If you/your dc have any experience of these colleges can you tell me know what its like? Also any advice in general would be appreciated

He comes over here and sees his son, i don’t know where you got he’s not welcome or encouraged from

What does he do when he visits his 3 weeks old?

I would consider home study GCSE courses that she could fit round baby. If she can do Maths and English as a minimum , She could sit as external candidate at the school? Then go back for 6th form or to college.

Im not going to quote specific bits of your posts about him as theres a few comments in several and you didnt say specifically he isnt welcome or encouraged but I too got the same impression as the poster you are replying to. You dont speak about him in a welcoming or encouraging way, almost as if you are waiting with baited breath for him to be out of order so that he can be stopped from coming and as you say 'we dont want them involved', I assumed you meant him and his dad, given he lives with his dad. I thought you meant him, perhaps you just meant his dad.

I dont blame you, he sounds like a little shit but ultimately he probably doesnt even know whats happening or what having a child even means, he's just a kid.

He doesn’t do much tbh but dd is breastfeeding so there isn’t a lot he can do to be fair to him at this stage as he’s still a newborn and attached to dd, he holds him occasionally but if he seems unsettled (he isn’t really a baby that cries just grumpy at times) he hands him back but apart from that he just sits with dd and watches netflix with her whilst she breastfeeds.

@likelysuspecti haven’t fully said what he has done but it was more than just the bullying so i don’t really want him involved but it’s not up to me and id rather keep an eye here than dd take baby and meet up with him elsewhere so him being here isn’t my favourite thing but i haven’t made him feel unwelcome, if he did cause upset again i would say he wasn’t welcome as dd (or any woman) doesn’t need that so soon after giving birth

My only worry is dd had him on a pedestal whilst pregnant even after they broke up and he caused her upset (he made her a sandwich which is bare minimum but she was so pleased) so i worry that he is still on the pedestal somewhat and even if he does the bare minimum dd will then want to get back with him

Yes I completely get you, you're between a rock and a hard place and I dont blame you, I just was answering the point that its clear from your posts that tension you have in that position, wanting to support her and her wants and needs but equally being highly suspicious of his behaviour and the impact on her, so that comes through in your posts. Quite rightly.

She'll be fine, she'll thrive and so will baby, she'll go back to education in the future and/or employment.

From reading your comments, it sounds like DD has her head screwed on about her education. The fact she carried on studying when pregnant and on 'maternity' and how she knuckled down before then. It seems like she knows that education is important. But the fact she is caring for her baby on her own also says a lot. Yes getting pregnant at 14 isn't ideal, but in the above respects I'd be very proud of your daughter.

Let's hope that the boyfriend loses interest for DDs sake. Maybe it will be the making of him? 3 week old babies are a bit boring cos there's not a lot you can do with them. Perhaps when he's on the move he will step up. Doesn't sound like he has a good role model, unlike your daughter. You're doing a great job mama ❤️

I’m not gaslighting. You,like me do not know this child.

That’s really unpleasant. I stated a fact - a 14-year-old girl who wants a baby is very very unusual.

That’s really good then. I guess because you were writing somewhat harshly about him, goood to know your grandson will know his father

Can she repeat the year so she can take the rest of this year off with no pressure? Maybe start at college in September if she can rather than go back to the same school?
My DD is 14 in year 10 too and I think it would be really difficult to catch up after taking such a long break, and having a baby to look after too.

You didn't state a fact. You stated something YOU think is correct or you THINK should be correct.

Young teenage pregnancy isn't a new fad, currently 22% of teen pregnancies are under 16. When I was at secondary school 18 years ago, 3 girls had had babies by year 10. There are 15 year olds who want babies, that is fact. Doesn't mean its sensible or easy but there are 100% ones who want them.

You made some weird assumption that the OP wanted to have another child so encouraged her DD to have one at 15 so she could play mummy. What would you have wanted her to do? Frogmarch her 15 year old DD to the abortion clinic? Slip the pills into her cornflakes? Turn her back on her DD if she didn't want an abortion

You are a disgrace for that assumption that the OP wanted to play mummy and did not go against what her DD wanted.

It’s a gas lighty attitude you have towards 15 year olds though. Thinking they can’t think for themselves. Come on.

As I said, thank god OP didn’t try to convince her daughter that she’s 15 so doesn’t know what she wants. That sounds really damaging. I certainly wouldn’t be that towards my DD.

By your logic a teenage girl shouldn’t have an abortion either because if she doesn’t know what she wants at 15 then how is it right that she has an abortion? Or does that somehow not count?

And what makes you think a 15 year old wouldn’t want her baby? You don’t get to speak for all of them. OP’s DD wanted her baby, she’s had her baby, she’s a loving caring mum to her baby like any other fantastic new mum. ❤️ Just get over it.

It’s a gas lighty attitude you have towards 15 year olds though. Thinking they can’t think for themselves. Come on.

As I said, thank god OP didn’t try to convince her daughter that she’s 15 so doesn’t know what she wants. That sounds really damaging. I certainly wouldn’t be that towards my DD.

By your logic a teenage girl shouldn’t have an abortion either because if she doesn’t know what she wants at 15 then how is it right that she has an abortion? Or does that somehow not count?

And what makes you think a 15 year old wouldn’t want her baby? You don’t get to speak for all of them. OP’s DD wanted her baby, she’s had her baby, she’s a loving caring mum to her baby like any other fantastic new mum. ❤️ Just get over it.

My post above didn’t quote the post I was responding to so I’ve reposted again with the quote.

Slip the pills into her cornflakes?

It wouldn’t surprise me if some parents have actually done something abusive like this.

Put time into researching options for her to homeschool, and discuss with her if she’d be able to commit to making that work and structuring it etc. Is she motivated in caring for her baby? If so, you could drill in that qualifications will improve both their lives, then she can either commit to knuckling down at home or she needs to go back into education at school. I’d look into other schools too, that sounds like a horrible environment for anyone, let alone a post partum teenager.

Tbh I flick from being angry about how he treated her and how he is to then feeling sorry for him especially as his mum isn't in his life and I don't know the full story (she is alive though) but surely that does hurt and then I wonder if all the attitude etc is to protect himself and to act like he doesn't care

Someone on my other thread said him being at the birth might give him some kind of respect for dd and hopefully they're right. He's also the youngest child so he's unlikely to have much experience with baby's if any apart from grandson so he may just need time as dd obviously had experience due to her being the eldest or maybe I'm giving him too much credit I don't know

Let her enjoy her baby for the year and apply for college (a more balanced grown up environment). She can do a level 2 course there or GCSEs. In the mean time she could work on maths and English.

You’ve got yourself in a state over absolutely nothing. Fire back if you want, are you deliberately misunderstanding what I wrote or what?

Sounds like you are being amazing and as supportive as you can be in the circumstances.

But surely prioritising education too is a means for a better life for her and her baby?

I'm not sure what to suggest about education, but it sounds like your daughter is doing and awesome job of being a mum despite her age. Caring for baby alone at night and breastfeeding isn't easy and she sounds very dedicated. Well done to you both.

Some children are tutored instead of being in school, for medical reasons-could you get advice as to whether she might be allowed to do this (the ones I know of had been in hospital, so maybe that wouldn't apply), or if there's any online courses? I knew someone who did English GCSE online a few years ago, but whether that's possible now, I am unsure.

I’d be seeking support - there are support groups for mums in this situation, and groups that support navigating less traditional educational pathways. We would agree on a period of maternity leave - until the new school year perhaps?

Neither studying nor working would not be an option after that period. Contrary to the ludicrous views expressed by some PPs, good parents act to ensure they reduce the risk of poverty and benefits dependence
for their vulnerable child. Both you and she need to be good parents now, which means agreeing on and actioning a plan that helps your DD to become a fully a functioning parent, one who both cares for and financially supports their child.

OP, we both know why the sperm donor is hanging around your daughter. It's so he gets more sex. A vulgar interpretation would be that he sees her as a hole to be used. I would hate that for my daughter....to be taken advantage of...again.