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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

No, Dubai.. we’re not jealous. We’re just exhausted by the algorithm shoving endless, braggy content down our feeds during what might be the start of a world war, one that already involves British people on the ground.

549 replies

surelycantjustbeme · 06/03/2026 06:51

I’m venting here, as a former expat sick of being pushed content from influencers who know nothing about the realities of living there under terms that don’t involve government cash to push a blindfolded, tone deaf narrative.

Dubai is the ultimate symbol of moral compromise, a glossy façade masking hypocrisy. Nowhere else do you see people who once mocked or feared Muslims flocking to Muslim lands to live comfortably off their wealth.

Certain professions thrive in their own sheltered bubbles, teachers, for example, rarely look beyond their privileged expat circles.

Parents who gush about loving their children casually employ underpaid nannies, often Filipina women who’ve left their own children behind. The usual defence? “She earns more here than back home.” Conveniently ignoring the exploitative system that brought her there. Hypocrisy in full view.

In a supposedly Muslim state, the same rules of faith vanish when profit or expat comfort is at stake. Alcohol flows freely, prostitution thrives, gambling exists, pork is sold, and dogs fill parks, all justified under the umbrella of “keeping expats happy.”

Many defend the government’s heavy control as if to prove their choice to stay is right. They need that illusion. Meanwhile, the state ensures expats feel “safe” because their satisfaction is profitable.

What influencers call “hate” toward Dubai isn’t jealousy. It’s frustration, frustration at how proudly expats flaunt a lifestyle while belittling their home countries, still benefiting from UK systems without paying a penny of tax. It’s tone-deafness wrapped in sunshine and skyline filters.

I know because I lived there. I arrived with good intentions to work hard, save, go home. But within a few years, I was buried in credit card debt, battling an eating disorder, and clinging to delusions just to survive mentally.

It’s easy to adopt the spin/ the narrative of safety, success, and superiority, because the system is designed to make you believe it.

People are tired of the influencer nonsense: clickbait, fake engagement, pretentious “Dubai life” hype. Every smug clip of a sunset or a skyline feels like rubbing salt in collective anxiety, especially while the UK faces uncertainty, fear, and political messes. The contrast feels cruel.

Dubai isn’t a real place, it’s a business model. A well-oiled corporation with immaculate branding and impeccable control over perception. It’s proof that humans will do almost anything for money.

They’ll mute moral conflict, ignore exploitation, and call it “success.”

Expats boast about how “safe” Dubai is compared to the UK, but that’s a narrow kind of safety, street-level safety, not emotional, financial, or existential safety. Is your job secure? Is your mental health stable? Are your rights protected? Safety for whom, the western professionals or the migrant workers living without basic freedoms?

In my view most expats won’t return home. Some can’t afford to. Debt, or the fear of losing status keep them trapped. Others left with problems they can’t face back in the UK. Many still defend Dubai fervently because admitting the truth would unravel years of self-justification.

It’s not far from a cult, everyone repeating the same comforting lines while ignoring what’s right in front of them.

I spent just over three years there. My profession wasn’t part of a protected bubble, so I met people from all walks of life. That distance gave me perspective. I changed, and yes, I too once repeated the same scripted defence to friends back home. It was easier to mask my unhappiness than face it.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Moulook31 · 08/03/2026 22:27

MmeWorthington · 06/03/2026 07:19

I have never had any desire to holiday in Dubai, let alone live there.
And have never looked at or been exposed to any influencers so am neither sick of them or jealous.
Loads of threads on MN about ‘DH (always - never ‘I’ - has an opportunity to work in the UAE, shall we go / where shall we live etc’. Are we supposed to be bored of those threads too?

What I have seen this week is moaning from long term Non Dom expats about the failure of the UK government to help them / charter numerous evacuation flights to get them etc.

The Expats who have moved for high pay and low taxes and have made sure they pay no tax to the Gvt they now expect help from.

Sick of that!

I have friends and family working and living in Dubai. No one has asked for help from the British govt. to leave the country. They are all staying and working. People who choose to leave just head to Oman and get a flight out to many different destinations. Stop knocking Dubai. Boring now.

PheasantandAstronomers · 08/03/2026 22:53

Dufrense · 08/03/2026 22:08

I went on holiday and stayed with family this December. I personally loved my time there. I was only there for a week. The food was good, I felt safe walking around.

Whilst I don't work there I know my family there are on the golden visa and have built successful careers there. They have a house maid, she's treated well (and makes such amazing food). Raised their kids there and built and good life.

I know that they tell me that are super impressed with how the government is protecting them and that they feel the government has gone beyond what they had expected.

Sigh. And I’m sure your week in Dubai qualifies you to comment on both the safety of Dubai, it’s government, and the remuneration of your family’s domestic servant.

Crikeyalmighty · 08/03/2026 23:05

KuanKaKu · 08/03/2026 21:16

Well said… it’s a gulf locked, falsification of a western city / mainstream tourist resort … it was a build it and they will come … which the naive mass tourists and tax free salary hunters did … the geography, politics, religion etc… have always remained under the mask of the skyscrapers, perma haze and overrated resorts …

The thing is even viewed as a resort rather than somewhere to live and work , personally I don’t think it’s that nice, beaches not great, sea not that nice , pretty expensive and old town not anything special - if you want a bit of bling give me Marbella any day ( the old bit and Puerto Banus )

Dufrense · 08/03/2026 23:19

PheasantandAstronomers · 08/03/2026 22:53

Sigh. And I’m sure your week in Dubai qualifies you to comment on both the safety of Dubai, it’s government, and the remuneration of your family’s domestic servant.

And what I've heard from my family who have spent 20+ years there (who I talk to often).

Everything is open, and they are trying to do as much business as possible. My family there feel very well protected by the government.

The maid is treated well, I've met her and seen the interactions. The kids even call her "aunt". And I loved her cooking, absolutely fab. Not all house staff are treated well and that's wrong, but she's treated well and I'm happy.

Usernamenotfound1 · 08/03/2026 23:24

Dufrense · 08/03/2026 23:19

And what I've heard from my family who have spent 20+ years there (who I talk to often).

Everything is open, and they are trying to do as much business as possible. My family there feel very well protected by the government.

The maid is treated well, I've met her and seen the interactions. The kids even call her "aunt". And I loved her cooking, absolutely fab. Not all house staff are treated well and that's wrong, but she's treated well and I'm happy.

Yeah.

house staff are always treated well 🙄 and treat the family like their own 🙄

heard it all in 80’s South Africa.

how much is she paid? How often does she get home to see her own family? Where is her passport? How many hours a week does she work?

does she have opportunities to seek employment elsewhere, study and gain qualifications? Or is being your families maid all she’s ever wanted to do?

does she have the freedom to improve her own life? Are there other opportunities other than domestic servitude?

do you ask the awkward questions? Or is it enough for her to be “treated well” because some aren’t?

yeah.

surelycantjustbeme · 08/03/2026 23:45

Usernamenotfound1 · 08/03/2026 23:24

Yeah.

house staff are always treated well 🙄 and treat the family like their own 🙄

heard it all in 80’s South Africa.

how much is she paid? How often does she get home to see her own family? Where is her passport? How many hours a week does she work?

does she have opportunities to seek employment elsewhere, study and gain qualifications? Or is being your families maid all she’s ever wanted to do?

does she have the freedom to improve her own life? Are there other opportunities other than domestic servitude?

do you ask the awkward questions? Or is it enough for her to be “treated well” because some aren’t?

yeah.

This. And from what I’ve learned, the terms under which the family housemaid /home help /nanny reaches the family might seem fair at first glance, and I don’t doubt that she’s treated well within the home. But the reality is that her situation is part of a much larger, deeply flawed system. Families like this, without realising it, end up supporting and enabling an organised network that takes advantage of vulnerable women trying to earn an honest living in places like Dubai.

At this point, there’s so much information out there that it’s hard to ignore. I’ve yet to hear anyone make a convincing argument that this system isn’t exactly what it appears to be. Justifying it on the basis that your own nanny is treated wonderfully and lives comfortably while she’s with you doesn’t change the bigger picture. It still means you’re participating in, and benefiting from, the same flawed system, simply as a satisfied customer. You’re content with the outcome, and often that satisfaction leads to promoting it to others, while unintentionally turning a blind eye and downplaying the harsh reality that so many other women face within it.

The truth is, not every employer treats their workers with the same kindness or fairness.

OP posts:
Araminta1003 · 09/03/2026 07:22

This nanny/maid type situation is a completely „normal“!set up for middle class and richer families all over Asia, Africa and parts of the Middle East. We don‘t do it in most of Europe as we have EU employment rights and minimum wage concepts and working time directives. However, much of the developing world and middle developing world does not have that. Unless you only ever buy everything sourced and made in the EU entirely I am afraid you are all buying into that „system“.

surelycantjustbeme · 09/03/2026 07:38

Araminta1003 · 09/03/2026 07:22

This nanny/maid type situation is a completely „normal“!set up for middle class and richer families all over Asia, Africa and parts of the Middle East. We don‘t do it in most of Europe as we have EU employment rights and minimum wage concepts and working time directives. However, much of the developing world and middle developing world does not have that. Unless you only ever buy everything sourced and made in the EU entirely I am afraid you are all buying into that „system“.

I don’t think your argument really holds up.

When you refer to buying only goods sourced and made entirely in the EU, I assume you’re talking about not buying inexpensive, single-use clothing, made probably by underpaid, underaged labour back in their home country. While we can consciously choose to shop ethically and avoid companies that exploit underpaid or underage workers abroad, we’re not directly inviting those workers into our homes to benefit from their labour under our own roofs.

In contrast, the middle-class and wealthy families we’re discussing here are choosing to benefit directly from that same underpaid labour when they move to places like Dubai. It’s part of the lifestyle package. Yet, those very same families would never employ those workers in their own homes back in Europe, where the “EU employment rights and minimum wage concepts and working time directives” you mentioned exist for them.

OP posts:
PheasantandAstronomers · 09/03/2026 07:41

Dufrense · 08/03/2026 23:19

And what I've heard from my family who have spent 20+ years there (who I talk to often).

Everything is open, and they are trying to do as much business as possible. My family there feel very well protected by the government.

The maid is treated well, I've met her and seen the interactions. The kids even call her "aunt". And I loved her cooking, absolutely fab. Not all house staff are treated well and that's wrong, but she's treated well and I'm happy.

Bluntly, this just shows how very little you know.

Rattletattles · 09/03/2026 07:50

If you have ever lived in affluent parts of London, you will notice a high concentration of Filippino Nannie’s and housekeepers. It happens in most affluent areas and countries, and you can bet your bottom dollar they are not earning the same salary or with the same conditions as a non immigrant nanny / housekeeper, usually due to the excuse of ‘different education levels, training, experience etc.’

Like I said, I live in a very wealthy European country and undocumented Nannie’s and housekeepers are the mainstay of the domestic worker market, because they are cheaper to hire than documented workers.

This is the UK.

  • Visa Structure: Many work under the Health and Care Worker Visa, which ties them to a specific employer, making them vulnerable to exploitation.
  • Domestic Worker Visa: An "Overseas Domestic Worker" (ODW) visa exists for staff in private households, with about 19,000–23,000 issued annually, often for cleaners, cooks, or nannies.
  • Exploitation Risks: Reports highlight that 23% of migrant care workers were charged illegal recruitment fees, and many face poor conditions, including underpayment, and, in some cases, abuse.
  • Policy Changes: In response to high levels of exploitation, the government has increased enforcement, with a 136% rise in sponsor licence suspensions in early 2024.
surelycantjustbeme · 09/03/2026 07:54

Rattletattles · 09/03/2026 07:50

If you have ever lived in affluent parts of London, you will notice a high concentration of Filippino Nannie’s and housekeepers. It happens in most affluent areas and countries, and you can bet your bottom dollar they are not earning the same salary or with the same conditions as a non immigrant nanny / housekeeper, usually due to the excuse of ‘different education levels, training, experience etc.’

Like I said, I live in a very wealthy European country and undocumented Nannie’s and housekeepers are the mainstay of the domestic worker market, because they are cheaper to hire than documented workers.

This is the UK.

  • Visa Structure: Many work under the Health and Care Worker Visa, which ties them to a specific employer, making them vulnerable to exploitation.
  • Domestic Worker Visa: An "Overseas Domestic Worker" (ODW) visa exists for staff in private households, with about 19,000–23,000 issued annually, often for cleaners, cooks, or nannies.
  • Exploitation Risks: Reports highlight that 23% of migrant care workers were charged illegal recruitment fees, and many face poor conditions, including underpayment, and, in some cases, abuse.
  • Policy Changes: In response to high levels of exploitation, the government has increased enforcement, with a 136% rise in sponsor licence suspensions in early 2024.

So, is the key difference between your UK example and the UAE one that illegal activity in the UK has driven policy changes, while in the UAE it’s entirely legal and an accepted part of life?

Is that your argument, or have I missed it.

OP posts:
NormasArse · 09/03/2026 07:55

mrbluebirdonmyshoulder · 06/03/2026 07:20

I'm also stunned at the amount of repressed hatred there is towards Dubai influlencers.

OP - I have to ask - did you compose that original post yourself?

Mine isn’t repressed.

surelycantjustbeme · 09/03/2026 07:59

NormasArse · 09/03/2026 07:55

Mine isn’t repressed.

😂 Mine clearly isn’t repressed either. These influencers are paid to lie and manipulate people online. They are dangerous and utterly unimpressive.

OP posts:
Rattletattles · 09/03/2026 08:33

surelycantjustbeme · 09/03/2026 07:54

So, is the key difference between your UK example and the UAE one that illegal activity in the UK has driven policy changes, while in the UAE it’s entirely legal and an accepted part of life?

Is that your argument, or have I missed it.

Honestly, you are decades behind what is the real situation and laws there around domestic workers.

Yes,,there are some cleaning companies who hover around the edge of legality, but it’s not your average wealthy or middle class Brit employer who is ‘abusing’ their home help.

The annual visa cost of hiring a domestic worker is around 7-10k AED. It is illegal to hold anyone’s passport, you have to pay private health insurance for your domestic worker, they have legal working hours, you have to give 30 days paid holiday per year, you have to give them 14 days paid sick leave per year. If they are live in, you have to give them their own private room, you have to pay an annual or biannual flight home. They can leave your employment anytime they want, even if it’s two days after you just paid thousands for their visa and your money is sunk. They can leave anytime they want and you are obliged to pay their repatriation flight if they choose to go to their home country.

There is a minimum monthly salary, (which by the way is set by the immigrant workers own government for their overseas workers working in the UAE) those that I know are paid triple the minimum by their Brit employers. (I am only using British because that is who you are referring to, but all the local, middle eastern, western families I know follow the legal employment requirement and treat their employees respectfully and generously). I know of plenty of employers who pay for their domestic employees kids to go to university in their home country, who pay medical fees for their employees families, who give interest free loans to their employee to purchase land to build homes, who pay for training and further education for their employees. There are Labour laws protecting domestic workers and they are implemented.

Your view of how domestic workers are treated by their British employers is so outdated it is ridiculous.

surelycantjustbeme · 09/03/2026 08:37

Rattletattles · 09/03/2026 08:33

Honestly, you are decades behind what is the real situation and laws there around domestic workers.

Yes,,there are some cleaning companies who hover around the edge of legality, but it’s not your average wealthy or middle class Brit employer who is ‘abusing’ their home help.

The annual visa cost of hiring a domestic worker is around 7-10k AED. It is illegal to hold anyone’s passport, you have to pay private health insurance for your domestic worker, they have legal working hours, you have to give 30 days paid holiday per year, you have to give them 14 days paid sick leave per year. If they are live in, you have to give them their own private room, you have to pay an annual or biannual flight home. They can leave your employment anytime they want, even if it’s two days after you just paid thousands for their visa and your money is sunk. They can leave anytime they want and you are obliged to pay their repatriation flight if they choose to go to their home country.

There is a minimum monthly salary, (which by the way is set by the immigrant workers own government for their overseas workers working in the UAE) those that I know are paid triple the minimum by their Brit employers. (I am only using British because that is who you are referring to, but all the local, middle eastern, western families I know follow the legal employment requirement and treat their employees respectfully and generously). I know of plenty of employers who pay for their domestic employees kids to go to university in their home country, who pay medical fees for their employees families, who give interest free loans to their employee to purchase land to build homes, who pay for training and further education for their employees. There are Labour laws protecting domestic workers and they are implemented.

Your view of how domestic workers are treated by their British employers is so outdated it is ridiculous.

Edited

I’ve never said the British employers mistreat their workers. In fact I said “I don’t doubt that she’s treated well within the home.” I then went on to clarify that “the reality is that her situation is part of a much larger, deeply flawed system. Families like this, without realising it, end up supporting and enabling an organised network”. For whatever reason, you’re choosing to argue that this system doesn’t exist.

OP posts:
Dufrense · 09/03/2026 09:05

Usernamenotfound1 · 08/03/2026 23:24

Yeah.

house staff are always treated well 🙄 and treat the family like their own 🙄

heard it all in 80’s South Africa.

how much is she paid? How often does she get home to see her own family? Where is her passport? How many hours a week does she work?

does she have opportunities to seek employment elsewhere, study and gain qualifications? Or is being your families maid all she’s ever wanted to do?

does she have the freedom to improve her own life? Are there other opportunities other than domestic servitude?

do you ask the awkward questions? Or is it enough for her to be “treated well” because some aren’t?

yeah.

I don't know all the details, but I know the maid's kids are also in Dubai as well. As an Indian myself I'm used to seeing people having house help and I can ascertain how people treat them. This maid is treated well.

Araminta1003 · 09/03/2026 09:32

Sorry but UK Uber eats culture and migrant workers on scooters and delivering Amazon packages is really no different. There are people being trafficked right before our very eyes.
Buying cheap white goods made in other countries is just as bad as cheap clothing. If you are consuming petrol, oil, gas, veg and fruits out of season here you are part of the problem, whether you like it or not.
This sanctimonious bullshit from you OP who apparently got tricked is all part of the problem. So are you entirely energy self sufficient and veg homegrowing and knitting or not? I thought not. Do you participate in financial products? I thought so.
Europe is sanctimonious at best with its under 1 per cent growth rate and propped up by cheap imports of energy and products worldwide which then lead to wars just like this one. And you are pointing the finger at “them?” Thought so!

Araminta1003 · 09/03/2026 09:35

And not to mention the exploitation of everyone by the US tech giants and manipulation of democracies at that and the selling of data and financial fraud etc. Western economies are pretty rotten to the core as well, us included.

surelycantjustbeme · 09/03/2026 10:15

Araminta1003 · 09/03/2026 09:32

Sorry but UK Uber eats culture and migrant workers on scooters and delivering Amazon packages is really no different. There are people being trafficked right before our very eyes.
Buying cheap white goods made in other countries is just as bad as cheap clothing. If you are consuming petrol, oil, gas, veg and fruits out of season here you are part of the problem, whether you like it or not.
This sanctimonious bullshit from you OP who apparently got tricked is all part of the problem. So are you entirely energy self sufficient and veg homegrowing and knitting or not? I thought not. Do you participate in financial products? I thought so.
Europe is sanctimonious at best with its under 1 per cent growth rate and propped up by cheap imports of energy and products worldwide which then lead to wars just like this one. And you are pointing the finger at “them?” Thought so!

In the UK, I would never knowingly enter into an arrangement that pays a delivery driver a fraction of their worth, especially when their situation has forced them to leave their own children behind for years, just to serve as cheap labour that conveniently supports my comfortable lifestyle. And you do know exactly what their worth is. A lot more than a poxy £400 per month “Filipino nannies in the UAE typically earn between AED 2,000 and AED 3,000 per month for full-time, live-in childcare roles, with many listings and market data centering around AED 2,000–2,500.” knowing full well what the cost of living is in Dubai. Knowing full well the quality of life she’ll actually be experiencing on that wage. Knowing full
well what you’d be paying her equivalent from a different nationality.

There are even recent examples in this very discussion of workers being mistreated by employers or exploited by the system. Journalists are currently investigating and exposing the corruption and exploitation happening behind the scenes.

I can’t speak about Uber or Amazon drivers specifically, as I’ve had no direct exposure or evidence of mistreatment in those contexts. But that doesn’t mean exploitation isn’t real.

Just listen to yourself. I can only assume you live in Dubai and currently employ a nanny. I wonder if you were always like this, or how soon after moving there you changed. Your attitude of denial, of turning a blind eye, of glossing over the wider issues and pretending they don’t exist, is exactly the problem. You are a big part of the problem, not me.

OP posts:
Araminta1003 · 09/03/2026 10:22

You would never “knowingly”? Haha, more faux naivety from you.
No, I certainly do not live in Dubai, have not travelled there, would never go on a cruise either due to the carbon footprint.
Look every time you put the dishwasher, heating etc on here you are part of the problem. You are exploiting the developing world.
We have fooled ourselves into thinking we Westerners are special, deserve the huge carbon footprints we all have (starting from babyhood and up to 3 years in disposable nappies to keeping people alive well into their 90s at huge cost), to driving, to absolutely every part of our lifestyle. And then when other countries like eg Dubai start copying us and a Filipino nanny dares go there to send money home, they are the problem?
You OP are incredibly naive - perhaps if you got tricked in the first place and did not realise how immensely privileged you were being born a Westerner and yet you were so greedy you thought you deserved even more and should go somewhere better? And you are now preaching?
What is it exactly that is your problem? Guilt, the fact you did not realise how lucky you were born in eg England in the first place?

Araminta1003 · 09/03/2026 10:24

Also frankly I am not at all surprised that people currently in Dubai are carrying on and supporting each other.
We all did the same here during Covid and 95% of people did exactly as they were told. And if we were all under attack like Dubai, we would most likely be doing exactly the same as we did during Covid. And it would not be “Government control” doing that, it would be basic human psychology of survival.

Dufrense · 09/03/2026 10:28

Don't live in maids/nannies benefit from not paying rent, bills etc? I know my family treat the maid well, others probably don't. And that's a valid issue.

Dufrense · 09/03/2026 10:35

I also think it's horrible to tell expats in Dubai (who moved for a better life) "oh I hope you enjoy all the bombs from Iran". Absolutely no one deserves that.

CruCru · 09/03/2026 10:37

SpidersAreShitheads · 06/03/2026 23:48

Can you explain in what way you think the original post reads as AI?

Because it’s long?

Is there certain terminology that makes you think it’s AI?

I’m a professional copywriter and unfortunately am now very familiar with AI. Because AI has killed my industry, many of the jobs left are clients asking for human copywriters to “humanise” AI text. For that reason I’ve seen way more AI copy than I would prefer, and I’ve had to become very familiar with the tells.

I’ve said it earlier on this thread and I’ll say it again: there are none of the obvious AI tells in the OP.

Also, the OP has said she’s a writer so long prose will be second-nature to her.

It’s fine to disagree with the OP. Expressing different opinions is part of what MN is for. But the number of people making sweeping AI accusations because they don’t agree with OP is just ridiculous. Weird even, to use your own terminology.

Hello SpidersAreShitheads

Sorry for being slow to reply to you. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to return to the thread and there was quite a lot on this weekend. I’m also conscious that a long post on whether or not I think this might be AI is getting quite far off the original topic.

The original post is a rewritten version of a post the OP put up on another thread on Dubai (I advance searched … because I am a dork). It is possible that the OP has rewritten this herself to sound like a magazine article. If so, I would be sorry for saying that it is AI. Perhaps it is the sort of blueprint that AI posts are created from.

The other reason I suspected AI is that the OP got very aggressive very quickly once posters started disagreeing with her - to the point of getting her own posts deleted. This seems to happen a lot when a poster uses ChatGPT.

Rattletattles · 09/03/2026 10:39

If I go to the UK and hire a fully trained and experienced nanny or housekeeper legally, payimg the going rate and paying tax, social welfare etc, I would be paying at least 40% less than I would be paying here, am I exploiting the UK nanny? If I hired an elderly carer in the UK legally I would be paying about 60% less than here, is that exploitation. What about ‘freelance’ cleaners in the UK being paid hourly by different households, no rights whatsoever, no holiday pay, no sick pay, ….. is that exploitation okay ?